This is probably gonna be one of the longest posts I've ever written on this forum, so bear with me.
Since there's quite a lot I want to fit in here, I'll just cut straight to the main topic. In less than a week time, it will be the first of September. That's the day school starts again for the elementary schoolers, high schoolers, etc. in Belgium. For me, since I'm in college, it'll be the 19th of September. I've mentioned it here and there already, but as soon as college starts again for me, my activity here is gonna drop hard. More on that later. But since it's gonna be hard to just jump from activity to inactivity in one day, I've decided to use the first of September as the point where I'll start lowering my activity. Goal is to be decently inactive already when college starts.
Now for why exactly I'll be doing this. As some of you know, I've been in college for two years now. I've studied journalism for the past two years. Some of you may even remember that I made a post alike to this one back when I first started journalism. About me leaving, yada yada, you know the drill. Point is that in the first semester, I was actually quite inactive around here. My grades were rather good then, too. I managed to build a circle of friends around me, and life was generally much better than I ever expected it to be after high school jackassery. Fastforward to the second semester. My grades were less good than in the first, but no disasters. I managed to get around. Sometimes I 'forgot' about assignments and handed them in too late, a bad habit that I picked up in high school and that curiously enough hadn't been around in the first semester. Either way, no disasters happened, it was all still okay. It was also around the second semester (technically the second half of the first but w/e) that I started getting more active around here again.
Second year of journalism was godawful. First sem something went wrong with my application, and I barely attended any classes at all due to that. I failed all my exams. Second semester started, this time with everything in order. Small problem- I still barely ever attended my classes. I'd sit in the school library and boot up one of the pcs to scroll through whatever or to be here. I was literally more often on the Reborn Showdown server during my classes than I was actually in my classes. Surprise of surprises, I failed nearly everything again. My parents and I came to an agreement. I basically threw away all the chances I had in journalism, so this summer I started searching for something new to study. I found it, I applied yesterday, I'm in and everything. That's not really important to the topic at hand.
The more time I spent on the internet, the worse my grades got. And it didn't just end with that. In the second year, I became nearly fully estranged of the circle of friends I had built up in the first year. It's been more than six months since I've talked to them now, and I'm not inclined to change that anytime soon. I kinda just poofed around there, without prior warning or anything, and barely even responded to texts or Facebook messages they sent me. And of course, at a certain point the messages just stop. People started ignoring me, even at the rare occasion that I attended class. I don't blame them for that at all- I pulled shit that isn't okay to pull on friends ever.
And all of that was because I wanted to spend more time on the internet and do dumb shit. That was so much more fun than attending classes. If you haven't noticed yet, I'm about as disciplined as a Mankey that just had his rice ball donut taken. And combined with this being my favorite place to be around...yeah. That was a thing. My activity was absolutely stupid here, which my studies and my real life social circle suffered around really badly. And while I know that Reborn wasn't the only culprit (actually the only culprit was me but shh), I've gotta start somewhere. Though that's not the only reason I'm deleting some of my activity.
Reason number two. Are you ready for a history class, kids? Just kidding, I haven't been around that long compared to some people. Though, for me, being in a community for nearly four years is a huge feat. Especially considering that most of those four years were solid daily activity. Those four years also happened to be at the ages 17-20 for me. I was used to being the outcast at school for not liking to party and whatever else, so when I first came here, the first thing I tried to do was try really really fucking hard to look cool. In hindsight, that wasn't a really good idea, because I was more of a douchewad than anything else, but it was a start. I started hanging out with some people on the server (back then it was still Pokémon Online), and generally had a good time with said people. Keep in mind that it had been years since I had some decent social activity. I won't go into the details, but at some point, a few people started expressing their dislike of me here too. Some openly, some behind my back. Shame it wasn't really behind my back as much as it would have been if I hadn't been in that exact backchannel. In hindsight, I probably should thank these people for generally being assholes towards me. Made me review what the actual fuck I was doing. And I actually put my first step towards maturing, or at least as close to maturing as it got for me.
That was about a good explanation of my first year here. Second year (and after) I got more involved in the general community. Before, I more often than not didn't pay attention to anything forum-related than the Roleplaying subforum and the status feed, and I spent a good amount of time in backchannels rather than in main chat. I had some pals I often talked to in Reborn Showdown's lobby (at this point we had moved from Pokémon Online), but I also started having private conversations with some people. I generally got more involved everyone in Reborn, as well as creating better friendships than I ever thought I'd have ever. I grew around here as a person, from an edgy little boy that was like "fuck life fuck people" and Mewtwo voice "I am alone" to someone that actually cares quite a lot about other people.
Now, before I start on this, do not think for a moment that I blame the 'newer' people for just about anything, nor do I want to say that the 'newer' people aren't as cool as the people I used to hang out with here. Heck, I've even found good buddies around the newbies. But, around when the site got updated, activity in the forum kind of changed. Topics I valued rather highly such as the Reborn Quotebook in General Discussion just started dying. In the meantime, activity rose in the forum parts that I literally never visited ever, by which I mean Reborn, Rejuv and other fangames. I started posting less and less. All the while, Showdown was slowly being taken over by Discord, and while I was in the latter for a while, I'm not anymore. Initially I left because I was salty Showdown was dying. I spent some of my best years in my life on there and really couldn't bring myself to leave it behind. Now? I've got other reasons to not return to Discord, but more on that later. At this point, the only places where I'm still active are the status feed, Reborn Showdown (when it lives) and... That's about it. Discord (not the server) to talk to some people, if you can count that too, but other than that, that's just it.
Heavy realization- I don't come here anymore because I enjoy it from the bottom of my heart, I come here because I'm used to coming here every day. That's not to say that I dislike Reborn currently, or the people out there. Reborn just constantly evolves as a community, and either you evolve with it, or you get left behind. My favorite topics die. I don't get to meet new people, since they either use Discord as a chat service or chat through forum PMs, something that I barely use as well. And, y'know what? That's not even bad. Communities that don't evolve on the World Wide Web, that's bad. It isn't in any form, way or shape Reborn's fault that I am not as interested anymore. It's moreso me, who hasn't evolved with Reborn. I've remained stale. And it was entirely my own choice as well.
Even heavier realization- while Reborn used to be an absolute necessity for me in the past, it isn't that anymore. I used to come here because it was my only way to talk to the people I valued as friends, to get advice, to rant, to do whatever. None of those things really still apply. My activity in Reborn has become more toxic than helpful to me at this point in my life.
So what are my plans for the future, if I indeed lower my activity here? First off, not completely suck shit at college. If I fuck this course up, there's a good chance that I won't be able to get a degree in higher education at all. And I'd rather not have that happen. Secondly, become social in real life. Don't get me wrong, I still value my online friends highly, and I will not cut contact with them. But having a social circle around you felt fun when I experienced it. And having a lot of contacts can also be helpful in your future. Those are two things I'm aiming for.
And then a third thing. If everything goes right in my life, my activity around here, as it has been the past few years, will never return. Yeah. I can't just instantly leave behind a place that has been my home for, what, four years time. But everyone's gotta leave 'home' eventually. 'Course I'll still pop in from time to time. But my long-term goal is to eventually not need this place in my life anymore. To make it something fun to pop in from time to time, like maybe once every two weeks or something, but nothing more than that. Worst case scenario, I'll end up becoming just as active as the past few years around here in the following months, and go down the rabbit hole once more. Go figure.
What does this actually mean for my future activity? Well, I'll tell you!
- The forum is probably the place I'm going to be the most active in in the coming months. It's easy to access, it's easy to post a random status, but not much more than that should be expected, either. Maybe an occasional post, I dunno.
- Showdown. I'm going to be quite honest here, I don't expect Showdown to still exist two months from now. It's been made pretty clear that restarting the server is a hassle that is not worth it for Dan at this point, and considering Lost and I are pretty much the only people that are only on the Showdown server and not on the Discord server, I don't think it's going to be around much longer now.
- Discord. I'm not returning to the server. Not now, not ever. Yeah, it used to be because of frustration that Showdown was dying, but not so much anymore. I'm going to try to use Discord as a Skype replacement, meaning I'll use it to talk to the friends I met online, but for nothing more than that. I know that short attention spans exist for me, and I really don't want to come on Discord, talk to someone for a bit, then get sidetracked by a message on a server and be talking about random shit for the next two hours. Also, by deleting pretty much the only other online groupchat service I'll have access to (since rip Showdown), I'll be forced to resort to talking to real life people over Facebook. It may not be an optimal way, but in a way I hope this is also gonna help my social awkwardness irl. Also important- I'm going to try to make Discord (not Reborn server) the only place I'll semi-frequently show up to talk to the friends I made here. I will not abandon that place. So, if you wish to try and stay in contact with me for I don't know what reason, my Discord tag is on my profile.
Reborn's been a home for me. A place that took me in while nobody else really wanted to bother with me. A place that offered help. A place that generally made my life better, and me a better person. A place where I met the best people I have met in my entire life. And I sincerely hope it will continue to be that place for other people. Thank you.
I expected to be sad while writing this, but I'm feeling awfully neutral. Huh. Anyway, I'll still be around for the next few days, and I'll likely be decently active for a few more weeks too. So hey, all's good.
And now I'm gonna cut this post short cuz I gotta go munf munf l8r m8