Hi, Um...

[Chase]

My name is Hunter. .....No really that's my name.

I've been known to the site as 'Hilda' for very nearly a year and a half now and I've let my alias grow into a nearly uncontrollable monster. The purpose of this thread is to put to death any false pretenses and either serve as an execution-by-majority or a place where I'm accepted for who I really am. That choice is on you, the individual reading this thread.

I don't deserve anything but the worst.

• So, now that you've decided to come out - who are you exactly?

For those that are close to me, there are not very many details about 'Hilda' that are different at all. - The differences of note are my name, gender, and age. I'm a 21 year old male named Hunter. My last name is 'White', which isn't too much different from Weiss at all. I know - worst alias ever.

• Why did you lie about yourself on the internet to begin with?

My flawed line of thought back then was centered on the idea that Reborn wouldn't be what it is - a community full of people I owe more than my life to who made me feel like I was important in a time of weakness. I formed this alias simply because at the time, I didn't think I would become important to Reborn or it's people. I didn't think I was going to stay particularly long. I didn't think I would have people like to be around me or that I would enjoy my time as much as I had here.

• So when you -did- end up staying longer - why didn't you come clean sooner?

Long answer short - I was a coward. Short answer long - I was afraid my status here hinged on my alias more than I thought - and that may still be the case. I'm not entirely sure. I -feel- like I deserve to be booed and ran out of Dodge by a mob wielding pitchforks and torches. There were several things that made me cling to the alias as I got connected. Friends, Ame, etc - that made it harder and harder to just let it go. My insignificant presence on this site grew into something beyond great that I owe you all a lot for - and simultaneously, a fortress that was difficult for me to escape from despite my better judgement.

• Why tell us now?

Well, I wish I could say it's my own decision - but it's not. Instead of finally being brave I was caught red-handed. I think I'm in a tell-all or go-away situation. So I'm telling all. You all at least deserve the right to rake me over the coals for it.

• What changes are to come out of this?

For several issues, your guess is as good as mine. If you can find it in your hearts to forgive me - please call me Hunter - I don't know what my status is anymore. I don't know how you all will regard me anymore. I don't know if I'll still have friends - nor do I think I deserve them. I think that is largely dependent on what direction you guys decide to take this information and go from.

• Do you have any regrets?

Just one - that my cowardice put me in a position where I had to lie and hurt other people. I don't regret becoming a part of Reborn. I don't regret getting to know you guys. I don't regret sharing my struggles (which I can assure those who read this, were not fabricated) and getting your support. I don't regret watching progress be made.

Right now, I don't know if all of that is enough to stop me from hurting over that one regret. So. That's all I have.

Thank you all for hearing me out.

[Arkhi]

Surprises are fun anyway!

You've been here long enough to know we won't hold you against being someone different for a long time. If we were those kinds of people, I'm willing to bet you wouldn't have stayed here. And it's that simple. What's but a name change and gender "change", as it were, when you're still a very similar person? Glad we could make an impression upon you to want to stay and just as much that you'd like to let us know who you are. That said, I look forward to getting to know you.

[Nivircity]

What happened is happened. You can't do anything about the past except remembering it . And whether it was good or bad we still can move on. I'm pretty sure anyone who knows you personally can forgive you. We're humans and whatever the reason is, we do mistakes. We're designed to do mistakes because we're not perfect creatures. What you did right now took a lot of bravery and it shows how much you really care about your friends here. I really hope all your friends find it in their hearts to forgive you. Lying to someone is not an easy thing but admitting it and show that you're feeling guilty about it an turn things around.

Best of luck Hunter

[Flux]

Well, for me personally, it doesn't really make a big difference. The Hilda we've been around is still you, just with a different name and gender now. Though that's under the assumption that all of the things you've said so far are actually the things that you were thinking, and not just things you made up for the alias of Hilda. If indeed they aren't your thoughts, then I suppose we'll just have to get to know you all over again. This was quite a surprise for me at least, but it's nothing so terrible that we should let anyone shun you for it. That being said, I do have a nagging question... Who's the person whose pictures you post in the "What do you look like?" thread then?

[Amethyst]

Thank you so much for being brave enough to do this. I know it isn't easy, especially on top of what I put you through.

I hope you know that even if we're not together anymore I really do want the best for you. With any luck, as we have in the past, as a community we can work past this and that there following, you can feel even more at home here.

[Tomas Elliot]

I haven't known you long or deep enough to find this shocking but... Welp, it's difficult to comment: do I chew you out for lying? Do I congratulate you for at least being sincere now, instead of just vanishing without an explanation?

Because you see, the problem here is that, by coming out, you are essentially exposing an elephant in the room here. A big fat smelly elephant that has been sitting right in the middle of our community this whole time, and we all kinda sorta ignored untill now. And the truth is, we would be much happier if we could just keep ignoring it, so you are bound to be resented for shattering the illusion.

Here is the thing: people aren't people on the internet. You are an username and a bunch of written lines, not a person. The person is behind that username, behind those written lines, so nothing forbids that... Well, that everything is just a bunch of lies. People lie on the internet, it is a fact.

But in this community, people build relationships that are deeper than in most communities. We share problems, we give each other advice, we have come to a point where we almost consider each other family but this, on the internet, is dangerous. More precisely, it is unstable, it is a fragile balance built on the assumption that people are not lying. We know other might lie, but we ignore the possibility and just assume everyone is being themselves.

In this context, you declare that you are now going to be completely sincere. And the first thing you do with this sincerity is... Proclaim that you are a consumate liar? Uh.

Roy, want to be the one to say it?

On a side note, thank you for giving me the opportunity to make an Order of the Stick reference. I have been wanting to use that particular pic in like, forever.

[Raindrop Valkyrie]

I don't deserve anything but the worst.

You know that's not true. No person deserves the worst ever. No matter what. Not even over something like this. We do things when we are scared and we don't think will come back to bite us. Sometimes they do because we get to the point where we just can't do that anymore or others get much too close and we didn't expect it. It happens and I don't really blame you.

Your thoughts are more or less the same I had when I was first here. I never expected to still be here nearly 2 years now. I thought like any other place I'd move on and never think back about it. However, the people here really ended up helping me, I fell in love with RPIng again and so much so that I'm now in charge of the small little community. I'm sure you constantly see me still saying at times that I don't think I reall matter around here etc... but I've never once said I didn't deserve it. We all deserve good people, friends, etc in our lives.

That alias might be fake, artifice, but you're not. Even if it was under a false name etc... I don't really think you're much different. We are all using aliases on this thing called the web. TO you I'm Hukuna, the guy who runs the RP forum. ((well most likely lol.)) you don't know my actual name ((I think.)) or how much I say is the truth. It's the internet after all. I'm not shocked nor surprised nor angry. These places are places we use to get away from real life and some do it to different degrees. Sometimes, it feels good to be someone you're not. ((Why do you think I like RPing so much lol? I get to pretend to not be me for a bit. It's an interesting and refreshing feeling. To be clear I'm not saying it's the same, but I understand how it could happen. It's frightening putting your true self out there and sometimes it can feel good to be someone else. I can do it msotly becuase at this point... I could care less what people think of me or the things I do. I own those things because I know the person I am. I'm a sarcastic ass lol. People still get upset at me not realizing I'm joking etc. Or they don't get that I over emphasize a lot to make a point clear. People don't understand me but eh... I'm used to it.)). I don't condemn you for doing it, because I more or less understand it, and why one would do such a thing. I don't know if others will be so expecting since trust is very very important to people. I persoanlly don't think you've overstepped the bounds with me, but I cannot speak for others and can't possibly say you haven't with them.

The fact is, you're saying it now. Clearly, you feel bad about it, clearly it's not something you can hold in anymore. That's just as important as what you think was wrong with it. It's really brave to be doing this. You didn't have to. So, that's something I can and do respect.

Good luck Hunter. Now that we know, things can heal and they can repair if they are meant to. What you do now, is up to you and what you decide is best etc... I can't give advice on that. So, good luck. Don't look too down. I really do wish you the best. Even if I can't exactly entirely agree... I don't hate you as a person. I just hope you can be true to yourself now, and know who you are. That's the more important thing. I hope you can grow as a person and figure things out from this etc... these are my thoughts and mine only. I cannot speak for others. But, Good luck.

Edited November 18, 2015 by Hukuna Fulmine

[Rosesong]

Hunter, you were one of the first friends I made here on Reborn. And... If I'm honest, I haven't actually thought you were actually a female for quite some time now. You were always reluctant to talk, and I mean one does tend to wonder about that... Regardless of what gender you truly are, there's not a single doubt in my mind that you still are one of my closest friends here on Reborn, and I admire the strength you've had in coming out with this. As always, if you need anything, all you have to do is message me

[Lil' Baby Rupe]

can't say im too surprised because this is the internet.

you should be apologising to the girl you pretended to be for over a year, not us. you could have affected her life.

gl

[Skullgasher]

Damn. I haven't known you too long, so things are cool with me. Still, this is pretty shocking. Kudos to you for coming out with it.

[Tomas Elliot]

To clarify my previous post: I am not accusing you of anything, I am simply putting you in front of the consequences of your own logic. People lie on the internet, it is an established, well-known fact, and this means that in theory people shouldn't trust one another on the internet. My own story could be a lie. Hukuna's story could be a lie. Heck for all we know Ame's story could be a lie and yes, if we bring this logic to the extreme consequences, this very topic could be a lie.

The internet is made of statements posted without the support of facts, meaning that in theory, everything could be a lie. We choose to ignore this truth when living this extraordinary community named Reborn but you, with this topic, are forcing us to see it, you are pointing at the elephant in the room and shouting and pleading for us to look at it. I do not blame you for this. I do not think for a single second that you are a bad person for it, or that you "deserve the worst". I am simply pointing out that, although it probably wasn't your intention when you started this topic, you have ended up exposing a simple, yet oh so hard to swallow fact. The fact that people lie on the internet.

And the lack of general outrage in this topic (with a couple of exceptions but hey, I am looking at the majority now) proves this very point: deep down, we all know that people lie on the internet, so even if we routinely pretend it is not the case, we all knew that one day a topic like this would be posted, and a case like this would be exposed. It just happened to be you but hey, this doesn't make you better or worse than any of us and in fact, it doesn't make you any better or worse than you were in your previous persona. It just makes you another internet user.

[Tacos]

Now now Hunter. Why do you expect us to treat you negatively for this? Because you were intimidated to let us know the real you, just as many others do? Do you think we really care? Actions speak louder to me than anything, and I'm fairly certain it's the same with most people here who aren't ignorant bigots. What you've done for the community and its members speaks louder to me than a name or gender. And your choice to finally come forward with this is an action that speaks louder to me than the rest. What good would it be to bottle up your identity in fear of what a few people on the internet might have to say. I can't speak for me anymore because I've stepped down, but anyone who would treat you with the slightest disrespect over this would be punished, and I think you know that. I know that this was probably a struggle for you, but you need to know, Hunter, that we are here for you. Let Reborn be your sanctuary, a land of comfort and repose from the outside world. I hope that your feelings of regret and disappointment don't last long, because that's the last thing we need right now.

Just be yourself. You are to be welcomed with open arms as Hunter, just as open as we did when you came to us as Hilda. May you find happiness in your true identity, and may you find comfort amongst us in Reborn. And to those who treat you negatively because of this, to hell with them. It's a shame that this all had to happen, but it's better to speak about it now than never. You do you, and live your newly defined life without regret.

[Jelly]

mrw

in all seriousness, im not exactly sure if i can say i was surprised. making a joke out of all this would honestly be in bad taste and all i can say is i hope you know things are going to be wildly different than they were before. forgiveness is a tall order when one has been lied to for such a great amount of time.

[Wes]

First of all, everyone has times of low, but when it comes down to it it's inexcusable to lie about this sort of thing, especially when entering a relationship with the person who owns the place. Whether intended to look like it or not, it just makes the person look power hungry using every means they can to climb the so to speak social ladder of the community. I've seen it too many times to count to not see it that way and only that way.

Second of all, I'm not going to call this brave at all. Brave would have been telling everyone before you got caught. Brave would have been telling the person you're in a false relationship before someone else did. Brave would have been being yourself and not even lying in the first place about something.

Also rupe brings up probably the best point here. This was something needing to be apologized to the girl whose picture you've been using, not us. Her and Ame are the ones you need to talk to, not us.

[Diana]

I'll preface this by saying yeah, it's really cool that you're owning up to your mistakes- definitely a mistake.

No, this isn't just someone coming out; this is a huge lie that involved many, many people and quite possibly hurt a few of them. That should not be forgotten, and should not be understated. You've also pretty much obliterated every shred of credibility you had, and will have in the future. That's important, and should not be taken lightly or forgiven easily. You don't deserve a clean slate in any way, shape, or form.

Yes, this is the internet- people lie. Everything should be taken with a grain of salt, unless extensively proven. That does not excuse your actions, nor anyone else's, because you know this isn't the first time someone's done this in this community. It's inexcusable, especially because it's not only you that'll reap consequences from this. The pictures you used for over a year to pose as, and the people who trusted you. That trust is gone, and rightly so.

No, it's not just okay. It's not a silly mistake, and it shouldn't be treated as such. You're not brave for coming clean after a year, especially because you didn't want to do this yourself- you got caught. As much as you can now say that you're the same person you were regardless of gender, the fact that you were so comfortable pulling this shit for so long puts everything we've known about you into suspicion. Regardless of you not thinking you would stick around, nobody deserves to be lied to in the first place.

So no, I don't believe you deserve praise like you've already received. I don't think anyone should trust the things you've said, or the things you will say for a while. I think it's despicable in the nicest of terms. It's not bravery, it's not admirable. It's cowardice and should be treated as such.

for clarification; this is not someone coming out as transgender; this is someone coming clean from a lie.

[Godot]

I am glad that you got this out of the way now instead of later. Less awkward that way, it lets us get to know you properly. If it makes you feel better, you aren't the first Rebornian to do this to us. If I recall correctly there were two before you. They both told us the truth and sure it was awkward at first, but we all got over it. You aren't a coward for being honest with us. It takes real courage to write that up for us.

To be honest, some of the more butt hurt people who are complaining about being lied to all this time just need to get over it.

[Jan]

Hunter-

We haven't spoken much, but I always did enjoy the moments we had; even if they were really short or just a quick hi/bye.

I find it incredibly brave of you to come out and be honest with us.

This is who you are and you should embrace it.

It doesn't matter who you are because I value you as you and that's what you should do as well.

Like Tacos said, "Just be yourself."

That being said, nice to meet you Hunter. My name is Jan ^^!

[Neo]

mrw

in all seriousness, im not exactly sure if i can say i was surprised. making a joke out of all this would honestly be in bad taste and all i can say is i hope you know things are going to be wildly different than they were before. forgiveness is a tall order when one has been lied to for such a great amount of time.

Angry lemon

This is a placeholder for when I put my thoughts down on this.

[Joker]

I wish I could say I was surprised.

[Sparky]

I don't primarily know how to feel about this, but I have no words to give. You were one of the first friends i remember making in Reborn along a list of others that I don't want to ramble on about, but it'll be a difficult transition to call you Hunter, instead of Hilda. Hell, we were team-mates in Pokenations and Mentor/Protege iirc. You managed to help me stay within competitive battling during our old training sessions to try and help me get better at predicting and I've gotten much better over that time. Becoming the 16th best out of the entirety of Reborn. Probably an exaggeration, but oh well.

Sometimes the truth isn't a clear cut answer and it has to hurt sometimes, but learning from what has transpired is what's best to do right now. Let this be known that we'll still be friends, Hunter.

"One of the most beautiful qualities of true friendship is to understand and to be understood." - Lucius Annaeus Seneca

[laggless01]

I didn't know you enough to be shocked or so, so I'm not going to try to judge you. I'm not in the right position to do so.
Although, I'm rather curious...all the photos you put on the site of 'yourself'...to whom do they belong?

[krim]

I'm pretty sure I've only talked to you about once or twice since I got here, but you seemed nice enough from what little I have. It really isn't going to change my opinion since I haven't had much to go on. I will say that I'm glad that you came out with this though. Being yourself is the best thing you can possibly do at this point, and I'm sure the community will come around to the "new" you, even if it takes some time.

[Odybld]

Welcome aboard, Mr. White.

Would you please now have a seat and enjoy the ride instead of placing yourself in front of an imaginational firing squad. Have a smoke, not the last one though, have a drink, and please relax and take a step back. You've propably had an intense mental wrestling match against everything: your self, your selfconception, your image of the conception others have for you.

It is actually quite admirable that you've both managed to not be yourself for so long, and then to eventually break the persona that you based the conception others have of you on. Again, that was a rough ride. But you have to relax, calm down, and perhaps finally be at ease, if possible.

After your birthday, I had the chance to speak to you about your various things about you that I'm not fond of. Well this one is definately not one of them. In fact, your trip and this, at least for me unexpected twist, for me this has made you even more human and even more fascinating. Sorry about that, can't help it. I have to say I really feel for you. I respect you and I like you even more than before.

For now I just hope that you can get over this bad bad trip of first pretending to be someone else, then being forced to pretend you are someone else and then breaking free from it. Take your time, recover, do things at a light pace and don't force yourself. Don't try to be the perfect, role model, super mod you may wish to be. Sometimes you just have to stay in your pijamas, eat soup in bed and rest a lot. Rest and relax.

And, I wish that as soon as possible you'll feel at ease with it all, slip comfortably both into being yourself and being here and continue to bring it on here.

The only little bits that I hope will change after all of that: I wish you'll stop putting so much pressure on yourself, in any possible way. I wish you'll stop being too much intense and too much uptight and be more at ease.

Bravery or cowardice, truth or lies, credibility or doubt? I don't give a flying toss about these things!!! I'm here to have fun, which involves having fun with you too (which involves followinf the SchemeTeam and also LC Gen4 mind you!). Also, if you've actually managed to deceive so many people for all this time... I'm sorry I can't stop it I tip my hat to you! Ok, that propably sucked for you first and foremost, but still that was incredible and I congratulate you for pulling it off! Too bad that you'll have a lot of pain and trouble looking back at this in any positive way.

Whenever you get back on the server, will you bother answering to me? I may have to give you one or two things that befit the situation.

Edited November 18, 2015 by Odybld

[Voctrode]

I'm happy you're out with this, I'm glad the charade is over with and everybody can start to heal, hopefully.

But I'm not going to give you sympathy like a lot of people here, maybe they're better than me for it, maybe they're not. I can't understand how you can wrap yourself in so many other's lives, to start relationships with people that you know you cannot keep up because somebody's eventually going to find you out. Whether they have their heart broken when they meet you for the first time, or if your avoidance of them finally tips them off and they discover you for what you are. I'd call you courageous for coming out with this if you weren't practically forced to. You didn't have to apologize, of course, so good job with that, but the fact that a lot of people are so accepting of this kind of behaviour is why it, in my opinion, is allowed to happen so frequently.

This kind of thing isn't something you just "get over," knowing that someone who was so close to you wasn't even being honest about the most basic of things like this can really put your entire relationship with them in a different light. If someone can't be honest about themselves, what should make you believe they were honest about anything else? Right or wrong, trust issues last lifetimes because of situations like this. Anyone telling people to "just get over it" are nothing but beyond disrespectful.

Don't get me wrong, though. I don't hate you for this, almost everyone deserves forgiveness in time as long as they earn it. I sincerely hope that you can.

[Joker]

I'm happy your out with this, I'm glad the charade is over with and everybody can start to heal, hopefully.

But I'm not going to give you sympathy like a lot of people here, maybe they're better than me for it, maybe they're not. I can't understand how you can wrap yourself in so many other's lives, to start relationships with people that you know you cannot keep up because somebody's eventually going to find you out. Whether they have their heart broken when they meet you for the first time, or if your avoidance of them finally tips them off and they discover you for what you are. I'd call you courageous for coming out with this if you weren't practically forced to. You didn't have to apologize, of course, so good job with that, but the fact that a lot of people are so accepting of this kind of behaviour is why it, in my opinion, is allowed to happen so frequently.

This kind of thing isn't something you just "get over," knowing that someone who was so close to you wasn't even being honest about the most basic of things like this can really put your entire relationship with them in a different light. If someone can't be honest about themselves, what should make you believe they were honest about anything else? Right or wrong, trust issues last lifetimes because of situations like this. Anyone telling people to "just get over it" are nothing but beyond disrespectful.

Don't get me wrong, though. I don't hate you for this, almost everyone deserves forgiveness in time as long as they earn it. I sincerely hope that you can.

Yeah, that. Honestly, I haven't really experienced the type of situation mentioned. But I know that if it did happen to me I wouldn't really be able to forgive that person. I suppose how long it went on plays a big part in it too. I've never saw the point in lying about who you are. If the people this affects are able to forgive you, then they're better people than I, because I certainly couldn't do it. I won't say I hate you because we hardly ever interacted with one another, so it's whatever. I guess congratulations on being honest?