FE on the Forums: Scarlet Crown [IC]

[Powder Miner]

Every time that one of Argos' outbursts rang through the hall, Ceridwen winced a little, though with her current state and expression, they were less cringes, and more simply her face setting tiredly. All of these people trying to grieve... her trying to... trying to grieve, she supposed, though she still could hope that maybe, just maybe she didn't have to, though she didn't know if Gareth was dead or worse... the saddened Dragon Knight didn't think that the rest of the Allied Guard really understood what was going on. Kerr, maybe, at least understood the seriousness of it all, as the heavily armored girl's eyes turned to track him for a moment, but... she supposed she was the only one it would hurt this much for.

 

Argos came over to her then, hood up, and Ceridwen swallowed -- this wasn't going to be good. His whole act drew first a nervous glance at Rhian; Ceridwen wasn't sure why, but after... after searching for Gareth in Scarleticia, it seemed that Rhian hated her, and Ceridwen couldn't help but shrink back a little. Ceridwen took in a breath, and sighed.

"..."

 

Then, when Argos had finished, Ceridwen hesitated a moment and finally began to speak. The way Rhian was looking at her was worrying, but it wasn't the most important thing, now... the way Argos was acting, it was important to more people than just her, after all.

"Argos, we've... the people here... and..."

 

That hadn't come out so well. Ceridwen let out a long breath and tried again.

"A lot of us have just lost people... who... who we really cared about." Ceridwen looked at Futch, and then down at the book she was clutching. "So... it's not just... it's... it's not just some thing that can be... done away with, Argos. The people here... just need some quiet and understanding so they can grieve." The next words out of Ceridwen's mouth came out quietly, and piteously. "And... and me too, maybe. I don't know, but... but..." Ceridwen trailed off into silence.

[Pyon Pyon Kyuu!~]

"It hurts, but I'm used to it. I'm always focused on other things during battle, and I think my body heals quickly. Sometimes I think I have trouble grabbing and holding things. But I think otherwise my hands are just fine." Naomi thought about Fallon's suggestion for a bit. "They would have to be really strong gloves. I can control my magic most of the time, but when it really goes like 'whoooosh' I can't control it at all. And I've seen those blasts hit stone and steel plate and leave nothing behind." The blonde girl nodded in agreement with Fallon. "I've never hurt someone accidentally with my power, but every human's first instinct is to be scared of me. Hati and the other laguz weren't though. You aren't either are you? And the Old Man too. Are you sure you two are human? Maybe you're some kind of eternally old being. Like... Like a vampire or something! You sure look like one sometimes." Naomi giggled.

[Chevaleresse]

Rhian was audibly grinding her teeth as the boy dragged her over towards Ceridwen, demonstrating a quite franky impressive inability to read a situation, or an equally impressive foolhardiness in ignoring it. She considered the fact that she didn't just backhand him for presuming to do such a thing to be a testament to her great tolerance. His little act was less than amusing, too, though perhaps if she were having a better day she might have gone along with it. Rhian almost agreed with Ceridwen, but her last little whimper was enough to push her to a breaking point. 

"Oh, give me a fucking break. Keep holding onto stupid damned blacksmith's journal like you gave birth to it, but you haven't lost ANYTHING yet." Rhian jabbed a finger toward her - if they'd been in a bit closer proximity, it probably would have been against her chest - and then towards Futch. "Not like him, not like everyone who just lost a son or a daughter today because these fucking bastards could care less about what happens to their kids as long as they get a functional soldier out of the ones that survive." She rounded on Argos. "You hear that? You see what's happening around you? This is what your idols are like. This is what they do."

[Powder Miner]

Ceridwen just continued to shrink in on herself at the start of Rhian's little tirade at her, up until the point when Rhian started to wheel on the Dragon Knights. It was at that moment when her posture changed, suddenly tensing up, a disgusted snarl on her face. Ceridwen slowly bent down, gingerly put the blacksmith's journal down somewhere out of the way where it wouldn't be stepped on, and then whirled around on Rhian, with an expression on her face that was angrier than had been seen outside of battle up until now. And she began to speak.

"I don't know what grudge you have with me. Don't think I haven't seen the way you've been looking at me, and snapping at me without any provocation. I'm perceptive enough to see that much. But... I don't care what you say about me. I know that maybe what you say about me is right. But the fact that you decided to look at people in-- in their greatest moment of pain, after all that happened, after all the people lost, and then pretend to care about them just long enough to turn around and insult them, to get at me, to try to turn Argos against me and against them... that is wrong. That's awful. I thought you were mean from the start, but that I just came to expect." It's at this point that Ceridwen demonstrated why she'd put the blacksmith's journal down, grabbing at the rims of Rhian's armor near her neck, "But I cannot abide you finding the ugliness within you to-- to-- to see the pain and loss and decide that it was your opportunity to get at me! You didn't care about any of this when you walked in, I sure didn't hear you talking to Argos about it, but it was when he brought you near to me that you... you pounced on the chance! You aren't a good person at all, to do something as callous as that!"

[Chevaleresse]

"Get the fuck off of me!" Rhian shoved Ceridwen backward, hard. "I don't care who's against you and who isn't. But of course, you'd never stop to consider that it wasn't some elaborate plot to make you feel bad, would you?" Rhian took an aggressive step forward, her voice going lower and darker. "You don't know anything. Not about me, and not about this. You think I'm mean? You think I'm an ugly person? You sure as hell don't see me sending out kids to die. But no, I said some mean words, so fuck everything else I've done. Keep worshipping your damned commanders, see where that gets you when you stop being useful."

[Aurorix]

Argos was not expecting this kind of reaction from either of them. Okay well, maybe Rhian a liiiiiiittle bit but not to this extent. He was taken aback and momentarily stunned. What's worse it's beginning to get physical. This was his fault and now he has to fix it. He forcefully wedged himself between the ladies, using whatever force necessary to pry between and make some distance between them. His heart felt like it could burst out of his chest at any moment but he won't allow this to go any further!

 

"Okay! Hold up! Just what is up with you two? This went from 0 to 100 real quick. Maybe I was out of line with my whole little attempt to try and bring up the mood a bit but still!" He turned his head towards Rhian,  "First of all, Rhian, I want to make one thing clear. I don't idolize the Dragon Knights as a whole. Only my father holds my idolization, and what he chooses to use his strength for is his choice. Quite frankly, even when I get my wyvern I don't plan on ever joining the knights. I want what I've been unfairly denied and nothing more. Secondly," Argos turns to Ceridwen now,  "I can't say I know what going on with you but Rhian is right about one thing, you have to stop wallowing. The past couple of hours I've been doing nothing but that, so I guess I'm being hypocritical here. But, I don't want to let it consume me and that's what I see happening to you! I'm not saying to feel nothing but don't regress into sunken version of yourself!" He was shaking in his boots but if he got anything right he was able to maintain his voice composure at least.

[Powder Miner]

Ceridwen stumbled back a little at Rhian's push, but her reply and further action were cut off by Argos' quick thinking.

"But you still tried to use Futc--

 

At Argos' response to her, Ceridwen let out a breath -- one that was rather wet, as she both tried to deal with the emotions running through her from this sudden conversation, and from what she was already dealing with.

"I-- the Commander... the Mid-Wing Commander Milich got was Gareth, my mentor... and... and we couldn't find him at the castle. They'd planned to make an example of him, I think, but ended up "taking him away" somewhere, and I don't know where... and I don't know if he's okay or not..." Ceridwen gulped, finding it hard to speak for a moment, but that moment passed and Ceridwen found herself spilling her guts. "But I wasn't angry with Rhian for that. I know I don't know for sure what happened, and that maybe he's okay, and that I don't really deserve to act like everyone else here, because I wasn't even here for the invasion and all they went through, but that's not the point, because the people here did go through it. Rhian can see that they did, and they, we, lost people! I just want them to be left to grieve, that's all."

[RedMageCole]

The very thought of a horrible battle where everyone was getting hurt, desperately in need of healing... Clement found it hard to not want to at least try to help. And yet, he knew damn well what would happen if he got too close. Everyone would surely think he was a danger to them all. But the fact that they needed help was...

 

"...you must be really badly in need of a healer to want me, huh?... I won't say no to it, but that's only if the rest of your group agrees. After they've gotten an inkling of what I did... and not to mention, I have to make one thing clear. I need to be kept away from any battles. I know it's sometimes impossible to do so, but... I need to keep my distance as much as possible. I have my horse, so I can ride in and heal at will, but... I have to be honest. I'm not good with blood. And I'm not good with the sight of someone relentlessly charging in with the intent of murder. When that happens... I get an uncontrollable urge to... well, give such a murderous scumbag a taste of their own medicine without care for my own safety."

 

Clement looked at Kerr very seriously.

 

"I've never been able to control it ever since I developed it. Can you still recommend me confidently, knowing that?... I don't even know what'd happen if, say, two of your members got into a bloody fight with each other. A couple of kicks and bruises I can handle, but if blood ever got drawn by one of your own..."

 

Clement stopped talking after that, getting slightly choked up and looking downwards, annoyed at himself that he gave so much away.

[krim]

Trouble grabbing things? He sighed and made a mental note to at least try working on the gloves as soon as he could, despite her protests. She was functionally crippling herself even if she didn't realize it. Though her next question surprised him "A vampire?" he asked, amused. Even for her, that was a new one. "If I was one of those, don't you think I would've shown my fangs by now? Or at least tried some acrobatics?" He knew even less about vampires than he did about the undead, but that sounded right. "No, I haven't really gained anything from - " he cut off as Rhian and Ceridwen started screaming at one another over some slight. Very loudly. He muttered a quiet  "...great."  before returning his attention to Naomi and giving her a look that clearly said not to get involved.

 

They were going to draw every dragon knight in the fortress to them if they kept it up, and he'd rather not be associated with them if it came to that.

[Chevaleresse]

"Ah, of course, he was your mentor." The moment of fury had passed, insofar as fury ever passed for the archer, and so she resisted the urge to say anything outright insulting her ability; she didn't actually believe the girl to be incompetent at anything except managing her emotions. Regardless, the note of disgust in her voice was undeniable, the last word coming out as nearly a sneer. "Did he teach you about this?" She flung one hand out in a vague gesture towards the infirmary, where the wounded and dead continued to trickle through. "What am I doing besides grieving right with them? People are dead. Kids are dead. The latter could have been prevented, but it wasn't, because of tradition." She felt another surge of residual anger, remembering the Warrior's Village. "Because it's always okay for people to suffer if it's been going on the same way for a long time."

[Pyon Pyon Kyuu!~]

Naomi giggled at Fallon's answer. "Well you could be hiding them until the right time to strike." She only turned her sight to Rhian when Fallon looked. She sighed, but wasn't surprised. "Maybe I don't need to be friends with the allied guard after all." She said in a low voice. "Humans are always like that, they fight and bully people who are different from them. And if they can't find any differences, they bully and fight each other. But you aren't like that Fallon, that's why I'm sure you're a vampire. I know you wouldn't hurt me." 

[Powder Miner]

Ceridwen took in a breath.

"What the hell are you talking about?"

"Are you claiming to know exactly what happened here?"

"Are you claiming to know exactly how the war went?"

"How can you claim to say that this could have been prevented? Do you believe that you know exactly what decisions were made here and why?"

 

Ceridwen stepped closer to Rhian (leaning around Argos), but this time it was only to speak more quietly, so Futch couldn't hear.

"Do you believe that you can personally trace the death of these apprentices to them just... being... thrown out for the sake of tradition just so that they could die? That it wasn't the result of fighting for survival against Caliss' armies -- of the kind of war that would leave this place like this??"

 

Ceridwen let out a furious breath.

"Either you must believe you are some sort of genius, or you're just bringing what happened here into your personal grudge, no matter who you need to trample over."

[Chevaleresse]

"Again with making me the villain. I fight and bleed right alongside you and everyone else, but because I said it might be wrong to send fucking children out to battle, now I'm 'trampling' on people?" Rhian balled her fists up, the leather in the gauntlets creaking. "I'm wrong to say that kids don't belong on battlefields? What, I don't care about the people I tear myself apart to protect every single battle? Here's a news flash for you, you don't need to be a genius to see there's something wrong with the way we do things around here." She barely resisted the urge to take another step toward Ceridwen and escalate even further. "No, I didn't see the battle. I don't know what happened here, other than that kids and their dragons died because they fought right alongside the people that were supposed to be protecting them." 

[Aurorix]

Argos put a bit more force onto Ceridwen to increase the distance between the two once again. He legs shook like a plucked guitar string  "O-okay guys. We can all agree that the deaths here were terrible, yea? Maybe instead of fighting about how they defended the Stronghold, we could find ways to make sure future attacks could be handled better? Doesn't that seem more productive than getting angry over something that's already happen...?"

[Powder Miner]

"Of course I am, you've picked the most hurtful and vulnerable moment to do this that you could have, and I don't think it's a coinci--"

 

Ceridwen shut up for a moment as Argos pushed her a bit harder and tried to calm them down. But then she squinted, something occurring to her.

"...what do you mean the way "we" do things around here?"

 

Ceridwen paused, and her mouth worked for several moments without actually letting out any words as she mulled something over, her outrage cooled for the moment in favor of realization.

"...oh. Oh, that would explain so much, wouldn't it?"

[Chevaleresse]

Well. There it was. No point in hiding it any more, that slip of the tongue had made it abundantly clear.

"Sure. Yes, It would. Don't sit there and think I don't know what shit is like here, because I lived it." She would have pressed closer to Ceridwen if Argos hadn't already placed himself as an obstacle. "And it didn't take these fucking people long to throw me away like garbage when they thought I wasn't going to be worth the Runes-damned effort. So pardon me if seeing kids who weren't as lucky as I was with their brains splattered across the rocks makes me angry." She spat the word with disgust, visibly shaking with emotion. 

[Powder Miner]

Ceridwen took in a long breath, and then let out. Now she understood everything, and while she was still shaky, that made it a lot easier to deal with this. Now that she had all the facts, she could piece a case together -- though at least this time it hopefully wouldn't result in anyone's death.

"...I think I know who you are. Not the details, because he never spoke about it any more than vaguely, but... it wasn't difficult to tell that Gareth was often consumed with pain over something, even when I was little. I thought for years about it, and asked about it in little ways, and eventually, I figured out what it was -- why he had always been extremely protective during my apprenticeship, and why he had always gone so far out of his way to make sure I was cautious with Ynddi."

 

"Gareth had had an apprentice before me -- his daughter, I think. That must be you. And I knew that that apprentice had lost her dragon in a terrible accident, which..." Ceridwen sighed. "I never thought that that was right -- that tradition. I've thought about it a lot. And I guess that means I don't think it's right that it happened to you, either."

 

"But knowing this also means I know where you're wrong. It wasn't about you, and it wasn't about tossing you aside because of a perceived level of effort, or something like that. It was about adhering to the rules, even though Gareth himself hadn't wanted it. It was a wound that never healed for him, I could tell -- if things were the way that they should have been, if that rule wasn't there, then he'd have been happier."

 

Ceridwen sighed, then, and her expression once again took on some heat.

"But this also means I know when you're lying. You're claiming you know this," and here Ceridwen gestured at the room full of the wounded and miserable, "but you don't. You can't. I never knew you, which means you have to have come before me, and you look like you're in your twenties to me -- which means that you have to have been... twelve to fifteen or so? Nothing like... this..." Ceridwen trailed off. "And nothing like this happened for a long time, I think. You can't ever actually have fought here. You can't have experienced what happened here. I thought it was a grudge against me... and I guess you wouldn't like me... but it's not really about me, is it? You've got a grudge against the Dragon Knights as a whole for what happened, and you're taking the first thing you can find to take that out on. But him?" Ceridwen gestured at Futch now, staring Rhian in the eyes. "He didn't exile you, Rhian. The people you're accusing of just... not caring... most of them didn't. But I don't think you really care about that, do you?"

[Aurorix]

"Wait, 'we'? What's so important about that word...? Wait a moment... no..." And before the boy knew it, Rhian confirmed his suspicions.

 

At that very moment, the strength in lad's arms began to decline as a wave of... relief? No that's not quite the right word. I suppose a way to put it would be, "A sense of brotherhood". But listening to what Ceridwen was saying, he could not help but disagree with it. He... had to say something. Something he has to left off his chest, if not for Rhian than himself. He released his arms completely and turned towards Ceridwen,

 

"So what if she has a grudge against the Dragon Knights? She has every right to have one. Do you think the 'honorable knights' are not so quick to throw someone out just because they don't meet their standards? Are you saying it is okay to abandon and ridicule people for making one big mistake, or even a choice that was out of their control? No. While taking it out on a particular person is not okay, the grudge itself isn't. Rhian is right about the tradition of the Dragon Knights being a major blight upon the people as a whole. Honestly, this whole system is a complete sea of hogwash! If you don't follow the tradition to a T you're thrown out! Made an outcast! Become the literal scum of the earth! Don't even get me started on what happens if you had the audacity to be born off these mountains either! What it sounds like to me is that you're trying to write off how she feels because she's never experience this particular scenario. Well, you don't need to know every scenario to understand that there are major flaws around every corner!"

[Chevaleresse]

"Of course I care. How- how dare you?" Rhian's voice shook right alongside her shoulders. "I. . ." Her mouth worked, but her mind couldn't supply the words to keep arguing, to express what she was feeling. 

 

So she collapsed to her knees, her armor clattering harshly against the ground. The archer supported herself with her hands as her vision went blurry and dark spots began to appear just beneath her. "I just. . ." Her voice was choked up as she tried and failed to force back the tears. She kept trying to speak, trying to say something, but the situation was just too much. Just being in this place brought up painful memories, hearing her father's name drug them up no matter how hard she tried to press them back. She wanted to say she wasn't attacking Futch, she wanted to tell Ceridwen that Argos was right, to shout at Ceridwen for saying yet again that she didn't care, To talk about what it was like to get thrown out at the age of twelve, what it felt like to be tossed into a foreign country and never be allowed to return because your only chance at doing so was in the very place you'd been exiled from. To say how much she just wanted to go home, and how much she missed Ysbryd.

 

Of course, none of that came out. All she could manage was ugly, gasping, heaving sobs as what she'd tried to push down finally burst to the surface.

[Powder Miner]

Argos' sudden forceful interjection into the conversation caught Ceridwen completely by surprise -- in fact, it looked like she had physically been punched in the gut, and she had difficulty actually formulating her next words.

""Wh-- why you?-- What do you think I'm--"

 

Ceridwen let out a sharp breath, struggling.

"I'm not-- did you even listen to me-- I'm not trying to... to have a social debate--"

"I even said... I even said I didn't think all of this is right! But--"

Ceridwen gestured at the wounded and grieving Dragon Knights with desperation this time, her arm shaking.

 

And then as Rhian broke down into tears, Ceridwen found herself further overwhelmed, and what little composure she had began to falter. She put a hand to her eyes, taking in a shuddering breath as she tried not to enter a similar state as the other former apprentice of Gareth.

"I'm trying to be rational, I'm-- I'm really trying my best-- but--"

"I knew all of these people. I know all of these people. I-- I don't even know how many of my loved ones are-- are among the dead--"

"Why does it have to be-- it has to be some-- some grandiose speech about-- why right now-- I just--"

 

Ceridwen closed her eyes and took in another shaky breath, turning away lest she really lose the fight not to cry too.

"Why can't you even just let us grieve? I can't... I can't do this anymore."

 

As Ceridwen turned around and left, carefully holding her eyes and trying to hold her breath steady, her dragon stalked up to Argos, growled at him deliberately, and then moved back to his rider and wrapped a wing around her.

[Aurorix]

Argos starred the unflinching into the wyvern's eye, almost like he has done thousands of times by now. After all he's been through, he can't exactly feel bad. Yea, it's awful that people died and he can relate to that sorrow. The people of the foundation never once tried to relate to him, so why should he to them. However, he isn't going to push Ceridwen any further. He feels worse about how Ceridwen is than ANY other Dragon Knight.  "Great job, 'oh great hero'. You just love making everything worse don't you."  Argos has to try and fix this somehow. He heads over to Rhian and gets on one knee since she seems to need attention the most at the moment. and he isn't exactly in the best mind to try and help Ceridwen He places his hand her shoulder, 

 

"Hey, it's okay. Deep breaths. I'm here if you need to get whatever is on your chest off."

[Chevaleresse]

Rhian tried to respond, tried to say she was fine even if that was a blatant lie, but she still only managed sobs. Her chestplate heaved as she drew ragged breaths, fists clenching as she tried to hold it in only to fail and start again. "I. . . I can't. . ." She pounded one fist against the ground abruptly, feeling the jolt run up her arm through her armor. The archer mentally berated herself for being this way, and for doing it in front of everyone. 

 

Slowly, she regained herself. Rhian forced her fists to unclench. She didn't dare stand yet; her arms still trembled. "Being here hurts." She took another deep, shuddering breath. "I'll never. . . They'll never let me. . ." She trailed off into another sob. "I just wanted to come home."

[Aurorix]

"I... I can't say I know that feeling..." He really wants to relate to Rhian, to somehow be able to know exactly how to put her anguish at ease, but he can't.  "I was... never given the chance to call this home. I've been an outcast all my life. The only place I can call home is the shop my mother runs down in Goya." His voice was soft and somber as he spoke,  "At first I tried my hardest to make this a place where I could call home, but I was denied every step. When I was really little I thought, maybe I if I became a Dragon Knight... people would... accept me. Like me. Be a friend." He let out a little sniff before he continued,  "I... I trained everyday for that test. Even though somewhere deep down I knew they would deny me on the spot, I kept training. I had this... unmovable notion that if I was good enough they'd accept me. I should have know I could never..." He realized he began to ramble on about himself and his cheeks grew a shade pinker,

 

"A-anyways, I could never see this place as home but once I came to the Allied Guard everything changed. Everyone has been so... nice... most of the time anyways. Everyone was so strong in their own unique way. It was starting to feel like a sort of home since day one. The biggest strength I saw in you was how strong your will was, you never gave in no matter how bad it got. So, I can't stand seeing you like this. I know I can't understand how you feel about this being home or how things used to be, but... maybe the Allied Guard could be a new type of home..." After he said those last few words he shook his head in anger, 

 

"Argh! No! I shouldn't say that! It's not my place! I-I'll just make things worse again!" He lifted his arm from her shoulder and plopped back onto his bum grabbing his headband viciously,  "I'm sorry, I'm just making things worse aren't I? I... I should just go, maybe then I won't screw everything up more!"

[ElfCollaborator]

The sound of Michi singing suddenly echoes down a nearby corridor as Michi smashes their helmet back into shape with an armored fist.

"Und der Haifisch der hat Zahne, und die tragt er im Gesicht, und die Fraulein, sie hat ein Messer, doch das Messer sieht man nicht-"
And then Michi arrives to a scene of Ceridwen breaking down, Rhian breaking down, and Argos also breaking down. The singing stops almost immediately.

Michi elects to approach Ceridwen first. Rhian, she sensed, wasn't going to be welcome to Michi showing up out of the blue, and neither would Argos.

"Are.....you okay, my friend? What happened here?"

[Powder Miner]

Ceridwen was leaning against a wall, wrist against its surface, as she just tried to get some air so she didn't burst into tears. Michi's presence drew a shaky sigh from the other redhead, who spoke quietly and haltingly.

"...argument. It... Rhian attacked me for being... for grieving about everything that has happened.

 

Ceridwen breathed for a few moments, and then began speaking again.

"Then she started attacking everyone else... the Dragon Knights... I started defending them because I just... I just wanted them to be left alone to mourn. I figured out..."

 

"...some things about her, which... which make it understandable, but still not good. And then Argos started yelling at me too... and I... I just wanted them to leave everyone alone."

 

Ceridwen put her hands to her face, and spoke almost inaudibly next.

"...all I did was make things more painful for everyone in here, though."