Shadow Sketches

So with Murdoc bringing back up the situation of rp's being abandoned because players don't take initiative and are losing interest in the rp's, Commander brought up a good point of how the problem might be that we're not letting creative writing "grow and flourish" as much as we should because of the lack of feedback we give to one another. Let's face it, when someone compliments us on something we do that makes us want to do that more. If someone tells you that they love your jokes, your gonna want to tell more jokes. That's no different with writing. I'm sure most here have at one point or another have someone compliment something about their writing. Whether it was something small such as telling you they like the way you described a certain room in the story, to them giving you praise on how surprising the plot twist you wrote was. Now some may be thinking "What does that have to do with letting creative writing grow and flourish?!?!" Well simply put, if someone receives feedback, whether positive or negative, they're more likely to write more so they can improve their writing skills. Because they know that at least someone out there cares enough to even try to tell them what they did good and what they did bad. Commander wrote up an amazing post in the Creative Writing section on how to write good feedback and criticism (which I highly suggest you check out) but after I finished reading it I couldn't help but thinking "This can definitely help me give better criticisms...but where do I give such criticisms? Stories in the Creative Writing Sections do sometimes have a feedback thread but what about rp's? I don't want to drown OOC's with feedback posts, but where else can I put them?" So I came up with my own answer, this thread! I don't know whether someone has done something similar to this before or not but I figured I'd try it out. I made this thread so others can give feedback on ANY posts in ANY rp as well as letting others read the criticisms people had on other posts so they can improve their own writing skills as well, even if they're not the one's directly being criticized. Also, if someone criticizes a post here and you notice something as well or just want to give your own two cents, then you can go ahead and write your own thoughts about the post to add on to what has already been brought up. You can never have enough feedback after all! So how exactly do you criticize a post on here? Thankfully Hukuna has told me can easily grab a quote from elsewhere. Just hit the quote button and copy the quote from the reply box and paste that. It works just like regular text. (Preferably put it in spoilers so we can distinguish the writing from the criticisms more easily.) Make sure to tell us what RP it came from, who's the writer, and perhaps what page it's on. Maybe even give a bit of background info to the scene if you feel it will help, but it's not necessary. It doesn't matter if you want to criticize a short paragraph or an entire post, go crazy. Also, tell the writer of the post that you are criticizing their writing here so they are aware. After all, what's the reason of criticizing their writing if they don't read it? So what criticisms do we write here? Simple, any and all criticisms you'd like, good or bad. Doesn't matter how small or trivial you may think it is, just go ahead and give your thoughts on the post. Anything you want to share with the writer you can write here. But let me be clear, put some effort into the criticisms. No writing just "I liked this part because it made me laugh, this character's funny." No, none of that here. We want actual criticisms that will help us grow as writers. Tell us why that post was so funny, did the imagery just really pop out at you and make you smile? Did the writer portray the character in a humorous way successfully? How exactly did they do that? Was the dialogue just to die for and had you rolling on the floor giggling? Also, don't just write positives! We know everyone likes to hear they're doing good but they probably won't learn as much unless you also tell them what they did that wasn't as good alongside it. Maybe the amount of detail was lacking. Perhaps their word choice was atrocious. Maybe the paragraphs were formatted weirdly. Tell them what they did wrong. BUT, you should also tell them what they can do to improve their mistakes for the future. Help each other grow as writers. That being said, you should also refrain from just writing negatives OR positives all the time. A perfect criticism would be one that shows both the positives AND negatives. I can't stress this enough, you don't want to make someone feel awful by just pointing out their mistakes all the time. But you also don't want to just tell them everything they're doing is perfect because no one's writing is ever perfect, there is always more room to grow somewhere, and you won't be helping them at all by leading them to believe otherwise One last thing: Be open minded and understanding when receiving or giving criticisms!!! No one likes to be told they're doing something wrong, but we should learn how to take others criticisms to improve ourselves. Most people won't be telling you what your doing wrong because they want to hurt you. In fact, they probably want to help you grow as a writer. It's okay to feel slightly sad and disappointed if someone points out what you did wrong, but make sure to hold your head up high and take that information to improve your writing skills. Also, always try to give others some positives ALONG with the negatives. It's just the best thing to do, and everyone will appreciate it. Now, knowing all this you are prepared to go ahead and write whatever criticisms you'd like. Just remember, all of this is to better ourselves but don't forget it's about having fun too! We all write because we enjoy it after all, so let's keep on enjoying it as well as helping others enjoy it by helping them along! Quick Tip from Hukuna, if you click the quote button on a post it will quote it automatically for you in a quick reply. Copy and paste this to quickly get the text you are looking for etc. So long as you don't delete the quote box the text can also be edited and changed around to iterate what lines in specific you're looking at etc...or highlight something you liked or thought was a strong line etc. All in all quotes save a lot of time and quite a bit of headache ((since they are typically a lot cleaner than doing a straight copy paste.)) and can be edited like normal text. It also credits the person who wrote it really easily. All in all, they are super handy. ANd yes... they work across threads. So long as the Quote is on your clipboard you can copy it into a post elsewhere on the forum. Hope this helps all would be users of this thread.

(No worries, I have google :^) ) Yea, there had been plenty of times where I would spend countless minutes just trying give detail to an aspect of the scene I'm writing because I'd have some trouble visualizing how it would look. Though I think I'm getting slightly better at it just from reading others' posts and practicing it more myself.

Honestly I think one of the best feelings as a writer is knowing someone likes your characters. I wish I could write up a character as lovable as Babble but if it had been me writing for Babble I would have not made him anywhere near as great as how Hukuna is writing him. They're always those characters that you might not be able to tell exactly why you love them so much but you do. I hope that later on I'll get good enough to make a character that others can enjoy, since aren't characters the main thing that makes stories so great? I do have to admit that I will usually not want to criticize someone like Hukuna because their writing skill is better than mine and I'd feel like I won't know what I'm talking about. "Who am I to judge when my posts aren't as amazing?" But I know I should get out of that mindset because any criticisms should always be appreciated because it could always help better yourself as a writer. No matter where it comes from, that's what I think at least.

setting=world This is really cool to see. I personally always think I'm a shit writer that has a lot to learn and seeing stuff like this is always nice to give me some tips to learn from. I don't think I've actually gotten criticized yet on my writing skills (for good or bad) but I do agree that criticisms is something everyone needs in order to see what exactly they do that's amazing and what they do that's sub-par. Though I do have to admit I'm usually kind of wary of criticizing as my writing skills aren't the best. Makes me feel like a blind man trying to tell someone how to see. P.S: I probably should never be criticizing on word choice as I am horrible at it.

When you say mech, do you mean 100 feet tall giant robots that look like they come straight out of the Power Rangers? Or do you mean a sort of "full body suit" that the characters wear, like an exo-skeleton of sorts? Edit: Read over it again and I answered my own question, so ignore~

Damn it, I wanted to have a team of all 6 infernapes. Honestly just by the title of the quest alone it sounds pretty fun and I'm really looking forward to it. But how will we know if the pokemon we ask for qualifies as "rare" (I'm not amazing when it comes to poke stats and all that, I always just thought of rare as shiny/legendaries and that kind of stuff.) Also, will we be catching/acquiring the pokemon of our choosing at the end of the quest as a sort of reward or during the quest, like in the middle of it.

Alecks and Apollo Once Apollo made impact, the wheel of fire kicked off the back of the Patrat. The flames disappearing as Apollo somersaulted backwards until he was now completely visible then landed on his feet onto the dirt ground with ease. Standing tall as he looked down at his opponent with a smirk on his face. His gaze slightly looked over to Rascal to see how he had fared against the attack but he quickly turned his focus back towards his opponent. The spittle landed short of his feet but it didn't bother the fire type, he knows that just showed the frustration of his foe. Though Apollo did still give the blue eyed Patrat a response to his petty insult. Without needing a command from his trainer, Apollo glared back at his opponent with the taunting smirk remaining on his face as the two stared each other down to see who would make the first move. Alecks kept his focus on the two, watching intently as the two glared at each other. He knew that Apollo had the advantage of range but they had to remain wary of blue eyes, who knew what he had up his furry little sleeves. "Apollo, use Ember and don't let him get close!" His partner gave a short nod to indicate he heard the command loud and clear. His body preparing itself in case he needed to evade the rat's attack. Then Apollo began to feel the fire burning in his stomach before quickly letting loose a volley of flaming bolts towards the Patrat.

Icarus, Aurora, Ajax, Mufasa ,1st day of the 1st month, Year of Rebirth. Approximately 3:00 PM "Ooo a kitty with a bite huh? I hadn't realized he was so dangerous." His attention was now solely on the two newcomers, mostly inspecting the lion to watch how well in control he was with his trigger finger. He did listen to the rest of the squids ramblings, though nothing he said was of much interest to him. He couldn't trust a word he said, as far as Icarus was concerned he was just an ally of his new found enemy. He couldn't believe how foolish the man was sounding. It doesn't matter what she was, a blade slicing the skin of the throat open is a fairly simple way to get the job done. Doesn't matter what race you are or how strong your believed to be, death is apathetic. Though he didn't bother explaining this to any of them, let them remain naive as much as they want. It was unsurprising to see the huntress escape her bindings, he hadn't expected the chains to trap her for long. But it still annoyed him to see his chain in it's misshapen condition, he was going to have to repair them. Or better yet maybe he'd get an upgrade, he'll just have to mull it over in his head for the time being. He reached down and picked up the fallen blade, wrapping the remains of the chain around his arm as well. "You are correct when you say I came here for a purpose, though your friend proved to be a nice distraction to help pass the time. And as much as I'd love to fight a handicapped battle, I must resume my small adventure deeper into the dark dungeons we're in." He began to leisurely walk backwards as he spoke, his blades at hand in case any of them decided they wanted to continue the fun. Though once he finished speaking and had reached a moderate distance away from them, he turned his back to the small group and walked normally. Though he once again stopped momentarily, slightly glancing back at them so that half his face was still hidden from view. "You may believe yourselves to be allies, friends even. But do not forget that she is a predator. I'm sure you don't need reminders of how vicious her kind has been in the past to all, they don't care who or what you are. They're merciless killing machines, can't be trusted unless you have the bottom half of a spider that is." The one eye that was visible suddenly turned a dark shade of red as a wicked smile appeared on his face, revealing one of his sharp canines. "But then again, why should you listen to me? I'm just the devil in disguise after all.." And with those parting words, he turned his gaze back towards where he was heading and began to walk away. Heading deeper into the darkness until he disappeared from sight.

Oh god, I hope we can finish the intro by the end of the month. I know it's a bit of a push considering how the rp's been progressing but I really want to move on to bigger and better things already and I'm sure the others feel the same way. I'm actually looking forward to seeing how the sidequests work out, it'll be nice to see them in action. And perhaps I'll be able to introduce an old friend into my own sidequest when it happens, we'll see how things go. I just wanted an excuse to get Icarus involved in some action as soon as I could. As well as getting a rivalry going on early in the story so it can lead to some interesting developments later on between the characters. Who doesn't love having someone that wants you 6 feet below ground? But when it comes to Heartless I'm expecting it to be pretty open world since that what it seems to be like atm. Where the characters can choose whether they want to go to the library and read all day and possibly unearth some hidden secrets that might aid them later on, or if they want to get into a chest bumping match with a dragon in the hallways. Giving people the freedom to lead their characters where they want (as long as they're within the 'limits' of the world). I'm looking forward to seeing how the world is going to grow and progress as we enter the more meaty parts of the rp. Though it does make me sad looking at the other rp's that have been cancelled (especially since one of them I had signed up for, but unfortunately didn't get the part but had been lying in wait in case I ended up getting another chance to enter the world.) It honestly scares me to death to think about because if either of the rp's I'm in were cancelled for whatever reason I would be really disappointed. I'm looking forward to seeing how they progress and if someone were to halt that progress completely I'd feel frustrated. Not only because all the work I put into it would go to waste but also because if I join an rp is because I think it had potential and I want to see where it goes, so it would be as if someone is throwing all that potential into the garbage bin and saying "forget it". Though when it comes to player initiative...well. I personally usually try to take the initiative and get a scene going if I think it will be something interesting to play out. But I'm also wary about them because I don't want to step on others' toes while I do it, I try to find the balance of trying to do something out there that perhaps you didn't expect but not ruining any of the hosts or other character's plans in the meantime. Of course, accidentally messing with someone's plans will probably be inevitable (who knows, I might have done it already and I just didn't notice or flat out didn't realize) because I'm not a mind reader so I won't always realize what others have planned. So in a way I'm sure others that don't take initiative as often probably don't do it because they're scared of messing something up and looking like an idiot or handicapping their character.

Heh that's actually kind of funny. My favorite champ and pokemon are Wu/Infernape also, I never thought about how similar they both were though. I've stayed in silver most of my league career, though I'm unranked atm as I haven't gotten around to playing rank since I'm trying to get back in the groove of playing League.

Icarus, Aurora, Ajax, Mufasa ,1st day of the 1st month, Year of Rebirth. Approximately 3:00 PM The impact caused Icarus' whole arm to vibrate uncomfortably. A slight grimace passed over his face as he tried to get control over his arm again, the armor was tougher than he had imagined. Though the toughness of the armor wasn't what surprised him as much as the speed the spider had been able to move with armor as strong as this. It should have been heavy as hell yet her speed had completely caught him off guard. Live and learn, he would not make the same mistake twice. Gritting his teeth, he waited as the vibrations ceased to course through his arm. Moving it to help return feeling into his arm, completely aware that his chain didn't seem like it would last long. Best idea would be to just slice her throat as she busied herself with trying to escape it, and that was exactly what he had been readying himself to do when new arrivals came and interrupted them. From what he could tell, it seemed the Illithid knew his most recent sparring partner. Which made things much more complicated, how fun. "Me? Oh I'm just fighting for survival. You know how bloodthirsty Arachnoid's get, don't you?" His hand gripped the blade tighter, he did not want to have to fight more than one opponent at once but it seemed like he would have no choice. "She's got no better control of her killing instincts then other Arachnoid's , it took her less than five minutes upon seeing me before she decided I was prey." Annoyance was clear in his voice, he wish he could just cut all their heads off already and get this over with. "It makes me wonder how many others does she have hidden down here, how many poor souls wandered down here only to be caught in her sights? You wouldn't happen to know would you? Oh how ridiculous of me, of course you wouldn't. It would be painfully easy for her to hide her 'prey' in these dark tunnels, would it not? Your dear friend here would have no trouble pulling a wool over your eyes. Perhaps she does see you as a friend rather than food, but what about others? What would have happened if your partner standing beside you had come down here by himself, how long would she have waited before injecting her poison into him? Or perhaps that's why you had indeed accompanied him down here? Because you are well aware of how likely it would have been that he wouldn't have left this place alive if you hadn't come to stop her from slaughtering him in the dark?

To alleviate confusion I quickly sketched how the scene is playing out between Rascal, Apollo, and Ol' Blue eyes. (At least how I see it, feel free to explain if you saw it some other way.) Blue eyes is using revenge towards Meena, who is in front of him (symbolized by him letting out a punch forwards). Rascal jumped into the air and is using pound with his tail, using his tail to smack blue eyes fist/hand/arm down while Apollo is coming from behind with flame wheel to land a direct blow on the Patrat's back. I unfortunately got ninja'd on the post, when I initially started it Jory hadn't made his post yet and by the time I posted mine he had already posted his. I was tempted to rewrite it after I read his but decided to keep it as it is. The way i see it is that if Rascal pounds the Patrat's arm down to the ground succesfuly, it'll keep it occupied and unable to evade Apollo's attack which is coming right behind him. Hopefully smacking it right in it's back and catching it in a sandwich. I don't think Rascal would get caught in the crossfire if done successfully since he'll probably be able to jump away after the pound connects (using his' tail to bounce him off the Patrat) so Apollo should be able to land his attack without any problem. (Then again, this is how I see it.) (P.S: Yes, I know the sketch is horrid. I just drew it really fast to give ya'll an idea of what I was seeing since I wasn't sure I'd be able to describe it well enough.)

Alecks and Apollo Apollo was taken aback with anger as he glared and growled fiercely at the damn rat that had nullified his ember. His body tensing and the fire on his rear burning more intensely as he prepared to pounce after the rat and knock it's stupid bucked teeth out. "Apollo, calm down! Leave that one alone for now, we have bigger fish to fry." Alecks had been keeping track of the abnormal Patrat, the one with blue and gold eyes. It was different from the rest, his strange colors on their own making it stand out from it's teamates. Alecks thought it be best to take that one out as soon as possible, he didn't trust that one. "Apollo, focus on the blue eyed one! Use Flame Wheel!" The fired up monkey found it hard to tear his furious gaze away from the pesky rat, but he would not disobey his trainer. They were partners now, and partner's stuck together. Apollo quickly looked towards the blue eyed rat, watching closely as it began closing in on Meena. Then, with acrobatic ease, he jumped off the tree limb he had been resting on and leaped towards the odd rat. Burning flames began to surround his body as he somersaulted in the air. Before long Apollo had disappeared from sight and all that could be seen was a wheel of fire spinning in the air, straight towards the back of the blue eyed rat. Gaining speed and power as the momentum pushed Apollo to his limit.

I just imagined Rascal doing a little dance like this when he used Helping Hand, and it made the image in my head so much better. <3

Icarus, Aurora, 1st day of the 1st month, Year of Rebirth. Approximately 3:00 PM His hand tightened around the chain as he felt the spider pull on it with all her might, the screams of agony coming from the silver links filled his ears. His body tensed up as he resisted her force at first, but in her state she was much stronger than he was so he had no hope of trying to use brute force to his advantage. Then again, he was used to facing opponents that were much stronger than him power wise. He just needed to use the skills he has been perfecting throughout the long years of his lifetime to his advantage. The chained blade in his other hand fell down from it's swinging position so the hilt of the blade landed and was in his hand as he prepared for his next move. Instead of resisting her force any longer, he let her pull him and his chain towards her. His boots smacking the stone as he sped closer to her, using the massive amount of force she used in his favor to encourage his body to close the gap between them even faster. But once he reached her he did not begin to immediately attack her directly as she may have anticipated, instead he used all his speed and momentum to run past the predator as he ran in a small circle two times around her body. [binding of Chains: Used] The chain attached to her leg following him so the rest of the silver links began to close in and bind her long, arachnid legs. Finally stopping the second time around her once he was behind her spider segment, able to see the strong armor much closer than he had been able to before. He hadn't used all the chain as there was still a small segment of links that hadn't wrapped itself around her to give him some room to move. The silver struggled to wrap itself around her spidery legs due to how large her bottom half was but that actually slightly aided his efforts as it meant it wrapped itself tighter around the thin legs in order to be able to completely wrap itself around them. He knew he couldn't completely bind her as she was much stronger than him, but he hoped this would limit the movement of her dangerous legs. His eyes quickly inspected the hard armor of her lower abdomen, if it behaved like natural armor then his blades would be no use against it. But if it really was like normal armor, than that meant it also had a weakness. He personally did not use blunt weapons, but he had seen many times the damage it could cause to an heavily armored body if there was enough force behind it. Quickly, he raised his right hand up high as if he meant to stab downwards, but the hilt of the blade was the part facing down instead of the actual blade itself. Then he used all his strength to bring the hilt of the blade down towards her tough exo skeleton, hoping the impact would be strong enough to cause some damage.

Alecks and Apollo The loud war cry brought Alecks out of his stupor, his eyes snapping open as he looked at what they were facing. The world still seemed to be a bit shaky but the effect was lessening with every passing second. The formation of Patrats racing towards them filled him with foreboding but it was obvious he could not afford to sit back any longer, recovered or not it was time to finish what they had come here for. "Apollo! We need some air support bud, Ember!!!" At the sound of his trainer's voice, the fire monkey's eyes flared open. His trainer needed him, now was no time for resting. With a quick shake of his head, Apollo snapped out of the confusion. He braced his body and stood up on the sturdy branches, looking down from his position to see their new enemies. The whole scene was right before his eyes, and his gaze was glued on the squad of advancing Patrats. His hands tightened into fists as he let out a low growl, he could feel the fire raging inside him as it yearned to be let out. He shut his mouth tight as the fire began preparing withing himself, his chest puffed out as he let the fire build up inside him. Finally with a loud war cry of his own, he opened his mouth and spit out bolts of red hot fire down on the group of advancing Patrats with all his strength. The orange and red bolts speeding towards their targets with all their might.

Icarus, Aurora, 1st day of the 1st month, Year of Rebirth. Approximately 3:00 PM His eyes widened as she sped forward, he had never realized spiders could move so fast. He barely had time to blink as she appeared before him, her weapon slicing towards his legs. Instincts immediately kicked in and sent his body into overdrive. His feet kicked off the ground as he jumped backwards to evade her attack. A snarl on his face as he landed back on the stone ground with a heavy thud, she was fast but he would be damned if he let her spear even touch an inch of his skin. Who knew what kind of poison she had, it was a question he did not want to find an answer to firsthand. Once his feet were settled onto the ground, he threw the blade in his left hand similarly how he had done earlier with his right. This time though, he caught the chain quicker than before and soon was swinging the steel links around his body as he had done earlier. He didn't stop there, doing the same with the blade and chain in his right hand. Expertly swinging both his weapons around in a dangerous whirlwind around himself, growing speed through momentum as his body twisted along to his chains' movements. He'd keep the spider at a distance with the range the chains gave him until he was ready to close in for a finishing attack. Once his body twisted in the Arachni's direction, he swung his left chain towards her thin, front legs as he aimed to bind them. The chain speeding in an arc towards her lower body segment, as the chain in his right hand was still being swung in the air. Prepared for a follow up attack or counter attack.

I just want to beat boss hog already so I don't have to worry about Patrats anymore. Will pokemon be able to die in the rp. I don't mean npc pokemon since I'm guessing there will be some instances where a mon will die in the story. But will one of our parties be at risk of dying at any time? (For example our starters/pets)