Shadow Sketches

Lee Lee's left leg shook up and down impatiently as she waited there. She tried to have a blank look on her face to hide how she was feeling but she couldn't help the hint of an annoyed glower on her face that betrayed her angry mood. The headphones in her ears were emitting blasts of an angry, screeching guitar into her head as she sat there trying to keep her own anger in check. Why the hell did that girl have to freaking punch her stomach in the first place?! She hadn't done anything to Purity but she still found herself getting hit in the stomach. The worst part was that the punch had come out of nowhere, Lee had no time to react or to fight back. The sudden assault had completely caught her off guard and sent her reeling in pain before she could get a punch off herself. The whole time she sat there, Lee kept going over the events that happened right before the punch to see if she could figure out why Purity had assaulted her. She remembered walking up to Purity to try and introduce herself. Lee had seen her and thought she seemed nice enough. She had even gone out of her way to ask one of the other girls her name so she would have an easier time introducing herself. Today being orientation day and all she thought she should talk with others to get some first impressions of how the girls here were. Well, Purity had made an extremely crappy first impression. All Lee did was walk up to her and say "Hey Purity, what's up?", she didn't expect to get a punch in the stomach as an answer. Katherine's sudden appearance brought Lee out of her head and back into reality. She took off her head phones and let them dangle from her black t-shirt as she gave Katherine her full attention. Strangely, although she knew Katherine was a teacher, Lee didn't feel the urge to call her Ms. Lucille since she barely looked older than her. If she hadn't said so, Lee would of thought she was just another student.

Edited my post, mostly just deleted most of the filler and just had Apollo keep on the pressure.

Whoops, my bad then. Must have misread the post.

Apollo and Alecks The amount of power that was emitted from the clash of Apollo and blue eyes surprised Alecks. Once the flame wheel had made contact, the two attacks clashed with each other though Rascal's Helping Hand seemed to definitely prove extremely helpful in how much stronger it had made Apollo's attack. The little fire monkey kept on pressuring blue eyes with the rainbow powered flames, not giving the rat an inch of breathing room. The flames pushed forward as Apollo made sure to use his newly buffed strength to it's fullest potential, wanting to finish off his opponents in a blaze of glory.

I think I'm going to have to take back my character sheet, the more I look at it the less happy I am with it. I'm not really happy with the sheet and it feels lackluster, if I'm having this much trouble with just making my mech then it'll probably be a nightmare for me and everyone else if I try to rp in a mech based rp. So I'll be stepping out of this, sorry. Hopefully you can find someone better to take my spot, but thanks for giving me a shot anyway.

Edited the sheet, just made her line Alexian instead of Laylite.

Pff you were definitely understating the Laylites in the OP if your now comparing them to al qaeda. I thought the Laylites were people that used fear to their advantage to gain power, like blackmailing someone to get what you want. Obviously that's not what they are then.

I'll just have her follow a different line then since it seems being a nonpracticing Laylite will just cause a lot of unneeded problems.

The way you put it there's no nonpracticing Laylites, which isn't what you put in the OP. "Laylites are almost never nonpracticing, as they are more of a cult than simply a group of believers." If there are no nonpracticing Laylites in the world then you shouldn't bother putting the "almost" in there. I read that as the vast majority of Laylites where practicing but that there were still the couple odd ones out that didn't practice it, for their own reasons whatever they may be. If it's such a big deal then I'll just change it to practicing, it won't really change much about Lee's character anywho.

All right, slightly edited the CS. The main changes were mostly getting rid of the wings and flying and instead replacing them with thrusters that are equipped into the mech to help it move around as fast as it can.

1. Lee's not going to completely ignore others. If a character has some info on others that she wants, then she'll go and get it from that character. If a person is doing something that annoys her then she'll go and stop that character. If she has something important to say, then she'll say it. Pretty much she speaks when, in her mind, she has something important or worth talking about. Vice versa when it comes to listening, if a character is saying something that she deems important enough then she'll listen. She's not someone that you'll find at lunch gossiping with the other girls, unless she thinks she can get something useful out of it. 2. For the most part that was meant to be read like "in the past no one's really bothered her." Pretty much just a statement to give others the idea that she isn't someone that's hanging around others and chatting all day. 3. She chose Laylite as her line because that's the line she thought she could get the most out of. Again, everything she does is because in some shape or form it benefits her or could benefit her in the future. She doesn't care for the most part whether the goddess is real or not and she didn't chose that line because of that particular goddess, she choose it because that's the line she thought she would benefit the most from.

Alecks and Apollo Alecks clicked his tongue in annoyance once he saw the Patrat dodge the Ember so easily. He knew Apollo could pack quite a punch but they needed a way to keep the rat occupied long enough for Apollo to get a direct hit. Luckily, it seemed Jason was on the same page. "Get ready, buddy." Both pokemon and trainer watched Gomez and Rascal as they sped towards blue eyes, watching carefully in search of a good opening. Finally they saw it, with Rascal buffing Apollo's power and Gomez keeping blue eyes busy it would be the perfect time to launch an attack. "Now, Apollo! Use Flame Wheel!" As quick as he could, Apollo dashed forwards and began to somersault on the ground as he let out large amounts of fire from his mouth. Burning flames began to engulf his whole body before he disappeared from sight and all that could be seen was a large wheel of flames speeding straight towards blue eyes.

Forum Name: Shadow Sketches Character Name: Jasmine Lee Rose (Most call her Lee) Age: 16. May 7th 1023 Personality: The first impression most get when they meet Lee is that she's very passive aggressive, she only does things when she gets something out of it. Everything she does must benefit her in some way, she wont see a point in doing it otherwise. She can seem very cold as she doesn't pay attention to others unless she wants to. She doesn't care what others think of her or do unless it affects her directly. Rarely will she talk to others and when she does it'll be blunt and to the point, she doesn't dance around the topic. Fights aren't a common occurrence for her but she's not afraid to stand her ground when push comes to shove, though most will leave her alone rather than antagonize her. For the most part she'll be doing her own thing and not bothering anyone. Headphones in ears as she's lost in her own world. Appearance: Lee is slightly tall, her lean body being around 5'8. She's pretty skinny and barely has any chest to speak of, it's not completely flat but nothing to write home about either. Her skin tone is noticeably pale with little to no blemishes. She keeps her dark purple hair cut short, her bangs slightly falling over her pale blue eyes but not completely covering them. Her face is decorated by piercings with a silver ring pierced through the left side of her bottom lip, a silver ring piercing through one of her nostrils, as well as three silver ring piercings near the top of each ear. She is always seen wearing very lax clothing, mostly just t-shirts, hoodies, and jeans. Her trademark outfit is a grey hoodie over a black shirt, as well as dark blue jeans that hug her legs with black combat boots on her feet. Line of Belief: Nonpracticing Alexian Modifier: Blade Other: Don't be a bitch annoying and you'll get along just fine.

(Sorry if the mech description isn't very good, I've just learned I'm horrible at coming up with an interesting mech design @@) Forum Name: Shadow Sketches Character Name: Jess Harper Alias: Phantom Age: 25 Gender: Male Sin: Envy Appearance: Jess' has long, dirty blonde hair that nearly reaches his shoulders. His sculptured face has hints of a stubble on it with his eyes being the color of olives. He's a tall man, standing at 6'2 with a well tanned body. Usually has a dark brown leather cowboy hat sitting on top of his head, with matching leather boots. Is mostly seen wearing jeans and a plain white t-shirt. Mech Appearance: Jess' mech is thin and lean. It is made mostly out of dark blue metal plates that completely cover his body. It's equipped with many thrusters that help it speed around in battle and change directions in a moments notice. The mech also features a helmet that completely covers Jess' face, though it has a blue visor built into it to allow him to see. Has two small cannons on each arm, as well as two cannons mounted on each shoulder. It's also equipped with a a small cannon built into the palm of the left hand. Finally, it has a very large rifle that it carries around in it's hands when it's not holstered to his back. Personality: He's naturally very calm and collected, never one to let his emotions get the best of him. He likes to take his time and is very cunning, most of his actions having hidden motives behind them. Motivation: Jess has always been thought of as a con man, distracting people with a pretty smile while he takes what he wants from them under their noses. He sees it all as an interesting challenge and enjoys toying around with others. He always wants to prove himself, to show he is the better than the rest. And how else to show you are greater than others than by becoming a god? Mechs Stats: Speed: 6. Because the mech isn't that bulky, it relies mostly on it's speed and reflexes to speed around the battle. The thrusters it has equipped on his body speed him around the battlefield extremely quickly while also enabling it to change directions just as quickly at a moments notice. Melee: 1. Has very little for when a fight gets turns close quarter, but it's able to use the rifle it wield in it's hands to smash those that get close. Firepower: 6. The mech combines it high firepower and speed to try and overwhelm enemies. The rockets mounted on it's arms and shoulders fire a barrage of beams that whittles down foes. When more powerful shots are needed, it uses the high powered rifle to shoot dangerous armor piercing bullets that destroy most mech's armor. Though the rifle has a very slow fire rate and after every six shots must be reloaded. Armor: 4. Although he prefers to have enough maneuverability to help dodge attacks, the mech still comes equipped with armor to help keep it in battle even after taking some damage. The metal plates that cover the mech are mostly effective against long range attacks, such as bullets or beams. But is much weaker when something gets close enough to land a direct blow with a blunt, melee weapon. Signature Attack: None Special Ability: The mech fires out energy based "mines" from the rocket equipped in the mech's left hand. These mines can be shot a moderate distance away and float in the air for a couple moments before exploding and sending out an electrical shock wave in a small area around it. The mines will also explode if a mech gets close to them. It will moderately hurt the exterior of the mech but most of the damage the mech takes will be on the interior, the shock wave fries a mech's wires for a short amount of time. Causing them to move around much more sluggishly and for their weapons to not be as effective. The shock wave is also able to push the mech a small distance away. The closer the mech is to the mine when it explodes, the farther away they are pushed by the shock wave. It can only shoot out a maximum of four mines at a time before the mech needs to recharge the energy in order to create more. Character Stats: Observance: 1. Intelligent as he is, he likes to keep a close eye on his opponents. Reflex: 2. In order to improve his maneuverability in battle, he trained his reflexes so he was able to make split second decisions in a moments notice. Social: 0. No need for talk, his actions will speak for him. Other: He has a slightly noticeable Texan accent.

Honestly I'm just having trouble with coming up with the appearance of the mech, I have little experience with them and I don't watch any mech animes. xP

Hmm is there no more room for another character now?

Maybe it's just me but I like the programs skins more than the mecha one. Sion's ult is extremely cool with that skin but other than that I can't see a reason why I'd buy it. It's definitely the coolest Sion skin but it just feels underwhelming. The Soraka skin is pretty sweet though.

Well it seems that Hukuna is still moving things along, but you can go ahead and post if you'd like. The castle is in the middle of celebrations so you can go ahead and mingle with some of the other PC's or even some NPC's. It's pretty much free roam right now so just go crazy.

@Commander I'm just going to start off by saying that when it comes to excessively repeating words in a paragraph, I'm the worst culprit of that crime. I do that a lot in my writings, and although I do try to fix it when I spot myself doing it sometimes I just don't notice it or just have a hard time figuring out a way to rephrase the paragraph but still get the same point across. Honestly, I would not mind if someone made sure to point out whenever I overly use the same words in a paragraph because I would like to fix this annoying habit, but for now all I can really do about it is just practice and examine my writings carefully. Another of my issues when it comes to writing as well is the use of "probably". I'm generally a very unsure person, I always second guess everything. I could know for a fact that something is absolutely right but in the back of my mind I'll still be thinking "Maybe it's wrong." A lot of this comes from me having an absolutely horrible memory so I always find myself being unsure of what I'm remembering. I use the word "probably" often because of how unsure I am. Most often than not, I'll plug in "probably" into a sentence just so no one takes what I say and think of it as fact. An example would be if (hypothetically) I said "Commander doesn't like to receive criticisms about his stories." Then if others took that to heart and never criticized any of your writings, not only would you (hypothetically) be upset if you found out no one is giving you criticisms because I said that you didn't like receiving them. But also when other find out that you actually indeed enjoy receiving criticisms they will feel lied to and might not trust my word anymore. But if instead I said "Commander probably doesn't like to receive criticisms about his stories." Then if that statement ends up being proven wrong, I can always fall back on "I said probably, I wasn't sure whether he liked them or not." At least in my mind. I know it's kind of a dumb reason but I've just gotten so used to it that it's hard to break the habit. As for the bolded capital words, I usually don't use them much but I just wanted to be absolutely sure that everyone got the message. I know how easy a critique could seem like it's just one person bashing another and I didn't want that in this thread. I want people to not be scared of receiving critiques and if all others do is just point out the negatives and make them feel like garbage for even trying to write then this would actually hurt more than help. So I tried my best throughout the main post to let everyone clearly know to also try and give some positive critiques along with the negatives to show others not everything they're doing is wrong. Of course, there may be times when someone will be criticizing a post where the whole paragraph is just a giant mess and there would be very few, if any, positives to add along with the negatives. But in these cases one just has to explain to the other how they can improve their writing, so it doesn't look like the critiques aim is just to put another person down because their writing skills aren't great. Now I know I didn't explain open mindedness much but that's mostly because I am personally not a super duper amazing writer/critique so I wasn't sure how exactly to portray it. When it comes to the critiques, I feel like everyone should receive and give criticisms in a polite and friendly way. And use those criticisms to better yourself as a writer. That being said, not all critiques should be completely taken to heart. If someone critiques another's war story by saying "It needs more romance", they as a writer should look at that criticism and think to themselves "Is this a critique I should follow? Do I want to add romance into my story?" Most will have different opinions about this. Some may agree with the critique and add in romance into the plot, while others may decide that there's no need for romance and continue the story without it. But whether one chooses to take in the criticism or not, they should always have utmost respect for the other's opinion. Instead of just retorting back with "Romance is stupid. Your stupid for wanting romance, I'll write what I want." Not sure if this is the explanation you wanted (I'm pretty sure it's not). But if anyone really does want/need some more details on what I mean by being open minded then I wouldn't mind explaining it some more and adding it to the main post.

@Stratos I made sure to reword the phrase, I definitely do agree with your point. I usually don't like to tell anyone they can never be "perfect" at anything because it makes it seem kind of hopeless (It's like telling 2 year old kids Santa Clause isn't real.) But I guess it goes without saying that nothing will ever be perfect, no matter how much we yearn it to be. But that doesn't mean one can't become really damn good and get close! We all can become better at anything we'd like, even if it's not perfect. @Hukuna ooooo my post is pinned, am I famous now? :^) Thanks for the tip, I had no idea I could quote a post like that. Made sure to edit it into the main post so others can know how to do it as well.

I'll kick things off with the first criticism of the thread. Hopefully this'll give the rest of ya'll an idea of how you can go about this. RP: Heartless Souls: JID. Castle Dour Thread Writer: Stratos Ah yes, Stratos... I'm sure a lot of us here have seen this man's beastly posts. I got to give him credit, his imagery is some of the best I've read in an rp. He definitely leaves me in awe at how well all his posts are. In this particular one, his character (Aurora: The Friendly Neighborhood Spider Woman) is receiving an unlikely visitor. His imagery practically leaves the reader feeling the despair and helplessness this poor, disgusting rat is feeling. He gives us plenty of detail for us to clearly see how helpless of a situation the rat is in. But perhaps the format in the second paragraph could have been done slightly better. "Her fingers clasped around his fur like vice grips, enameled clamps of black steel as she tried to curl them around the circumference of the... they wouldn't reach. Her fingers... could not curl around the entirety of this vermin's neck. That was enough. She opened her eyes now... the time for sleep was over." The ellipses, in my personal opinion, were a tad overused. I understand why they were in the first sentence, to show complete surprise at how Aurora hadn't been able to completely reach around the rodents neck, but after that it gets a bit iffy. I don't think the next two ellipses were really required in the following sentences, perhaps it would have been better to just get rid of it in the second sentence and maybe try rephrasing it along with the fourth sentence. Maybe even switch the ellipses position so it came after the second sentence. "Her fingers clasped around his fur like vice grips, enameled clamps of black steel as she tried to curl them around the circumference of the... they wouldn't reach. Her fingers, surprisingly, could not curl around the entirety of this vermin's neck... That was enough. She opened her eyes now... for the time to sleep was over." To me, it makes the sentence run more smoothly. At least in my mind. ---------------------------------------------------------------------- So this was an example of how one can criticize a post. And just for clarification, don't be afraid to voice your opinion. Even if in your eyes the other person seems like a much better writer, you can still offer your criticisms if you see something that doesn't look right to you. Most will appreciate your opinion if you do it in a friendly way.