Jump to content

Damage

Veterans
 View Profile  See their activity

  • Content Count

    777

  • Joined

  • Last visited

  • Days Won

    1

 Content Type 

Profiles

Forums

Calendar

Pokemon Reborn Development Blog

Pokemon Rejuvenation Development Blog

Everything posted by Damage

  1. Damage
    I get it, but "show don't tell". If your characters have doubts let it show in their unwillingness to just let Seth do Seth things. Hesitation, second guessing. Yes we can hear their thoughts but if you have their actions showing some concern it lets us know without having to hold our hands through the story.
  2. Damage
    I'm a simple guy, I see an awesome buster sword I hit like
  3. Damage
    I really liked going back into Seth's history with his teammate and developing a new ability slowly and naturally. There were points it was a little hard to keep track of where everything was taking place. Try to separate times and places by paragraph so its a little smoother a read. Its nice to see other's perspectives without the main character knowing how they feel about them, that said... It I feel should be done without pandering to how amazing they are. Even your closest friends can be recepients of your doubt. Also they can be thinking of other things that further their character develo
  4. Damage
    And with the advent of episode 7 I can say that no more Pokémon will join team Shenanigans. That's it. Swearsie realsies. And with out I will show Blaze's new Kirlia friend's song. I think its fitting given her recent history. One of my personal favorites. Isabella's song. (spoiler)
  5. Damage
    Justin and Luxcalibur leave and Justin's expression goes from calm to furious. Veins can be seen in the young man's head and neck and red rises in his face. More than anger is in his thoughts. It is fury and his feline partner looks concerned about Justin's mental state. Justin approaches the homeless man who attacked him earlier and grabs him by the shirt and slams him into a wall. The attack grazes the man's skin on his hands and the back of his head. He's already bleeding a little. JusTIN Listen to me as I will not repeat one word. The others rise up in opposition getting close to Jus
  6. Damage
    JULIA Boom... Energy is siphoned from the panels turning them all to a listless gray. Magenezone's eyes spin around wildly until they stop focused entirely on Blaze and it fires a full powered surge of electrical energy that engulfs Blaze and blows away part of the wall behind Justin. JusTIN (sighing) You tried bud. Arceus knows you tried. When the light from Magenzone's attack fades we see Luxcalibur holding Blaze on his back. He has taken the brunt of the attack and Blaze is knocked out. JusTIN Thanks Lux, you're clearly a better partner than me. Luxcalibur walks his wound
  7. Damage
    So here's episode 7... wow time flies eh? This one is a little all over the place but mainly trying too hard to setup a whole lot. Next episode will flow a lot smoother. Justin's climactic battle with Julia in order to obtain all 8 badges... right? Well win or lose either way here's episode 7 "Stronger than you" Int. seacrest's garden Roughly an hour since Justin, Blaze and Luxcalibur's departure from the garden we see Seacrest and Soldier tending to the garden. Seacrest Not often I see anyone take this job so seriously. Soldier continues to cut away at the bushes and trees as
  8. Damage
    I think Rick had a ton of pretty good freak outs. I did like his, good to see people do appreciate when the good go bad. I think my OC may be fine after all.
  9. Damage
    Safe to say Mr.Savage has met his boiling point many a good time and I do like to see his. Good pick.
  10. Damage
    Thanks. I liked Lucy's snap in EL. I'm just having a bit of a dilemma because I'm not sure how far is too far in a "snap". On one hand I want the anger to be understood and inevitably stopped but on the other hand, go too far and it makes a potentially likable character easy to hate. Some people felt in Re:Zero Subaki's snap was totally awful, I personally loved it as it was in line with his ego being attacked over the course of like 4 episodes along with his building insanity. I think everybody has one bad day where they can snap easier than others and making this true for fictional character
  11. Damage
    I'd recommend a new thread as well as a separate thread for feedback so its easier for people to comment without going in between the story.
  12. Damage
    Hey bud, I checked out the story and I like the team up you have going on and definitely want to see more with where this story is headed as it doesn't seem like the typical run. Important note. Do not get discouraged if your work isn't getting the hits you'd like it to. There's a lot of time my work doesn't get all the views, replies, etc. You have to go in with the mentality of writing simply because you enjoy it. If you have fun writing then the feedback is a plus. Trust me the more you write the more your work will be noticed. Just keep at it. Looking forward to the next entry.
  13. Damage
    A fan favorite cliche in a lot of shows and stories is when a character they love and sometimes hate reaches that critical moment. The time where they snap, their boiling point. Some are awesome where the character lashes out and goes on their rampage some are uncomfortable where our hero attacks friends verbally and makes us wish they'd hit the rewind button. Some are just cruel and ugly. But what about the ones that are just straight up bad. Unjustified freak outs that seem out of character or unearned as a character has no reason to be as upset as they are. Well in an effort to avoid the la
  14. Damage
    Alright, at no point in this story did I not fully understand the scene or the stakes. This was pure art and it felt like The batman toyman episode met an episode of law and order/fnaf. If that wasn't clear its the best compliment I could muster. You're villain is wonderful and has a good purpose but is beautifully flawed. The pace was wonderful and you have clearly mastered the show instead of tell art. No noticeable critiques. Only one was a couple spelling issued. I wanna say two words that I saw but couldn't take note of because I was too engrossed in the story, so definitely nothing to lo
  15. Damage
    interesting read but yeah hard to give criticism with no game plan on direction.
  16. Damage
    haha i love it
  17. Damage
    Not sure how many read or check in on my Justin's story series but feedback is ideal here and not in either series posts or the old feedback post. This is for the second batch of episodes. Season's end is probably gonna be Corey's gym since that seems like an emotional highpoint to end on. Well ummm criticize away and if you think your criticisms are mean don't worry.Nothing compared to what mom has said about my writing.
  18. Damage
    And that my friends is episode 6. Is it perfect? Probably not but its what I got. Comment as you please as any criticism is good criticism and I love to compare thoughts and analysis. So final note just as I'm actually doing a hardcore run of Reborn with the team I have in the story. Being Blaze the Combusken, Luxcalibur the Luxray, Soldier the Scyther and Lucky the Togetic (spoilers). For reference so you guys can understand the power difference. If Combusken is roughly level 20 in game. Luxcalibur is around level 55. Yeah a bit of a gap which is why in story he's the hero. Finally that song
  19. Damage
    Julia You will be a normal trainer with limited access to hidden machines and huge restrictions on movements through wards and regions. Justin Hear that bud? Its now or never. Julia Ugh... Cmon. Julia walks to her side of the gym. Julia Take your place challenger. This will be a 6 on 6 singles battle. The winner is decided when all 6 of the opponent's Pokémon can no longer battle. (with little energy) OTS we represent but alright alright alright... I'm wired so lets fight. Justin That didn't sound very wired. Julia throws her first Pokémon it is an Electrode. Justi
  20. Damage
    Justin Just chill out a second, we heard noise and were checking on it. If you're cool, we're cool. The Scyther drops his guard and looks suspectingly for a moment then extends its right arm. Justin Blaze buddy, I think he wants a handshake. Blaze slowly walks forward and shakes the Scyther's bladed arm. Justin See we're all good pal. As the three uncomfortably stare at each other, the Togepi runs off the table and begins jumping into Blaze then Justin. Justin kneels down and pets the hatchling. Justin Judging by the spill, guessing you were drinking something before Robotn
  21. Damage
    Wow I've already made six of these dumb things. Time flies when you throw clocks or something. ANyway I made a new topic since I thought five episodes was enough for one. That's roughly 100 pages of reading. Thanks to everyone whose been reading and thank you person who clicked on this cause I ingeniously put "champ in the making" in the title. For every few episodes I'll put a little here's what's happened just so new comers can enjoy the spark noted version of my story without all the pesky time investment. So far in the story. It's based on reborn. Justin almost died on the train. Got
  22. Damage
    S'cool. Scyther isn'y one of my favorite mons anyway. KLEFKI THOUGH! THAT'S A MON WORTH KILLING FOR!
  23. Damage
    I don't know how many people see or read the non-canon story I've been working on but I've hit a bit of a writer's block in the worst way. The work has been more for my skill develop than any entertainment purpose but I treat it like any work I've worked on or even sold. (btw a lot of you on here should sell, television and web development would love your stuff) The problem is trying to stay true to characters. One case I was called out on forever ago was Julia and making her way too relaxed and goofy. Downside of trying to write characters like her is she has less than 30 lines (or one hour)
  24. Damage
    more than one character..... more than one.... more...... "all things must come to an end, even you even I" -corey
  25. Damage
    .........hot.......damn.... That cut scene was so dope. *want for more intensifies* With my fanboying out of the way, the voice was a lot deeper than I expected too. His body doesn't give me that bone chilling feel the voice does but hey his character might and that's important. I'm all for the still cut scenes especially artful aesthetic ones because they remind me of inFamous and The Witcher, two of my favorite game series. (Number one is tales of, so you're already winning in my book)
×
×
  • Create New...