rustytengo Posted August 15, 2016 Share Posted August 15, 2016 so just going to point out that we don't even have enough servants to use. Lexi and me are the only two with Berserkers, but i"m the only one with an Assassin and Lexi is the only one with a Lancer. If either her or me play Berserker then either Assassin or Lancer won't be played so we need either another Lancer, Assassin, or Berserker before we have a full servant roster. i will make a Master at some time once i figured out how i want them. hell i will even play as the master for one of the families. which actually reminds me i need to put a disclaimer on Samson that if some one wants him as there servant they better have a way to supply a lot of Mana to him or he will burn them up. This Caster is a genderbend that basically takes the original person's identity and it out the window. It probably won't be accepted, but this idea has been stuck in my head and refuses to get out, so fuck it, I'll put it here. Since the Servant is an author I took the stats and skills almost wholesale from Shakespeare/Andersen. Character (RPer): Charlotte Brontë, alias Charles Dickens alias Currer Bell Classes: Caster Alignment: Chaotic Neutral Parameters Strength: E(++++)(+) Endurance: E(++++)(+) Agility: D(++++) Mana: C++(+) Luck: A Phantasm: C+ Class Skills Territory Creation C Item Creation B Personal Skills Enchant A High-Speed Incantation E Innocent Monster D Gender Concealment EX - As long as she makes an effort to hide it, her opponents will not be able to discern her gender. High Society Sensibilities EX - Due to her experience passing herself as both a man and a woman in public during the highly gendered Victorian era, she has immense talent at blending into a crowd and adopting their expected mannerisms. This skill lets her attend social functions and move around in public without drawing undue attention to her. A Girl's Education (Victorian) A - As a literate and well-educated member of society, she is well-versed in the stories and features of famous personages that lived in the Victorian era (1837-1901), as well as the famous personages that came before her. This skill lets her instantly identify any Servant who gained fame in England, from the beginning of recorded history up until the year of her death (1870). This skill only triggers if the target says or does something significant from their legend or acts in a way that is distinctive of their tale. Servants affected by this skill include, but are not limited to, Beowulf, Francis Drake, Shakespeare and members of the Arthurian legend. Noble Phantasms: Contemporary to the Self: Anti-Stagnation EX. An author grows through criticism. Writing different works, as two different, famous authors, Charlotte/Charles constantly criticised her own work in public, using her twin public personae to criticise and challenge each other, so that she could keep improving. While she is in battle, she constantly criticises her own performance and immediately acts on her criticism, improving her fighting capabilities on the fly. However, an author starts each new work from a blank slate. Similarly, she starts from scratch in each battle. With this NP, Charlotte's stats increase exponentially the longer she fights against the same opponent, but revert to a blank slate if she switches targets. Victorian Duality: Anti-Self EX. Charles Dickens and Charlotte Bronte were so different in their approaches to the public eye and in the content of their stories that history remembers them as two people, despite them being one and the same. To reflect this, this NP projects her twin authorial personae into separate bodies. Dickens wears masculine clothing and has a flair for the dramatic, with high offensive capabilities but no defensive capabilities. Brontë dresses in a feminine style and is gentle yet reserved, possessing high defensive abilities but unable to attack. The two selves work together, in pursuit of the ultimate novel. This NP can be toggled on or off. Bildungsroman: Anti-Mediocrity C. Charlotte/Charles was known to write bildungsroman novels, or coming-of-age stories. In these tales, the protagonist undergoes a series of challenges and difficulties, before ultimately emerging as a more mature and well-rounded individual. This NP is the embodiment of that: Charlotte can pick one person to write a story about (she can pick herself, as well). At the culmination of the tale, the target of this NP will have grown in strength significantly. This growth occurs over the entire course of the tale, and is permanent. The amount and type of growth experienced depends on the level of hardship faced by the target, as well as the length of the tale. This NP can only be active on one target at a time, and cannot be cancelled unless the story is concluded. The length of the tale is left to Charlotte's discretion, and the NP can only target the same individual once. Just a few questions Acqui. 1. innocent monster i guess you got from Anderson's profile. He has it to represent the stories he wrote(The Litter Mermaid, and the Ice Queen.) so this skill doesn't do much for him other then make him have scales and frostbit on his body. So the question where did Charles Dickens get it from since he is well know for writing bildungsroman novels? 2. How fast did he/her write books? Anderson has High-speed incantation because he was really fast a writing stories. asided form those questions the servant is actually really cool and very interesting i would love to see what you could do with Him/her in the RP. @Tartar. As Lexi said parameters are just how the servant appears on paper and are just a quick judge of their power. They can actually change depending on the mage who summons them Saber( King Arthur) has three different sets of parameters One for Shiro as her master, one for Rin as her master and one for Shiro's dad as her master they all are different.( Rin's being the strongest cause Rin is a strong mage) Other things that effect a servants strength that really don't show up are. The age of the Heroic spirit being the older the stronger(usually), popularity of the Heroic spirit, and if the servant was summoned in there country of origin (KIng Arthur would be more powerful if summoned in Britain then in Japan, well a hero like Achilles is so well know throughout the world he is always summoned like if he was in his country of origin). the two i put up. Jack the Giant Killer is one of the most famous fairy tales out. And Samson well its Samson the one guy in the Bible who literally got super powers, and not to mention just how strong Judo-Christianity heroes are in Fate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamitako Posted August 15, 2016 Share Posted August 15, 2016 Jack the Giant Killer is one of the most famous fairy tales out. TBH, I'd never heard of it before you made the servant. And apparently the story didn't exist until the 1700s When I saw the name I originally thought it was just a fancified version of "Jack and the Beanstalk" Jack (which is actually kind of something that happened with a movie based on combining the two tales) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rustytengo Posted August 15, 2016 Share Posted August 15, 2016 yeah Jack and the Beanstalk is a much more kid friendly version of Jack the Giant Killer (no having Jack hanging giants or driving pickaxes through giants he trapped in a pit he dug in Jack and the Beanstalk). The story is usually considered to have been made because people where getting bored of stories of King Arthur so they made Jack to replace him. hence why i said i could SaberFace him easily since he was just a new version of King Arthur. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamitako Posted August 15, 2016 Share Posted August 15, 2016 I was just questioning it being "one of the most famous fairy tales out" Not saying he isn't because I haven't heard of him, but I feel like you might be overestimating it Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rustytengo Posted August 15, 2016 Share Posted August 15, 2016 Hence why i said one of and not the most. Maybe saying fairy tale characters would of be better since he's Jack of both of the stories(and maybe finish the word i was writing) . I mean how many people don't know Jack and the Beanstalk? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamitako Posted August 15, 2016 Share Posted August 15, 2016 Hence why i said one of and not the most. Maybe saying fairy tale characters would of be better since he's Jack of both of the stories(and maybe finish the word i was writing) . I mean how many people don't know Jack and the Beanstalk? Eh, it's not actually a real issue, it just seems like an odd claim Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rustytengo Posted August 15, 2016 Share Posted August 15, 2016 Eh, it's not actually a real issue, it just seems like an odd claim its fine i tend exaggerate thing on occasions so having people keep me and check is good.I've know Jack and the Beanstalk was based off of another story for along time. i forget that not everyone likes to look into things like that like I do. If you think i should weaken him just let me know. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamitako Posted August 15, 2016 Share Posted August 15, 2016 its fine i tend exaggerate thing on occasions so having people keep me and check is good.I've know Jack and the Beanstalk was based off of another story for along time. i forget that not everyone likes to look into things like that like I do. If you think i should weaken him just let me know. Nah, if Murdoc thinks he's okay then I'm fine as well Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Code: PIRULUK Posted August 15, 2016 Share Posted August 15, 2016 (edited) Just a few questions Acqui. 1. innocent monster i guess you got from Anderson's profile. He has it to represent the stories he wrote(The Litter Mermaid, and the Ice Queen.) so this skill doesn't do much for him other then make him have scales and frostbit on his body. So the question where did Charles Dickens get it from since he is well know for writing bildungsroman novels? 2. How fast did he/her write books? Anderson has High-speed incantation because he was really fast a writing stories. asided form those questions the servant is actually really cool and very interesting i would love to see what you could do with Him/her in the RP. 1. Because Jane Eyre was first published as a fictional autobiography, "edited by Currer Bell", Victorian society at the time believed Bronte to have been telling her own story. That is to say, the public opinion was that Jane Eyre was actually autobiographical, with Jane serving as a proxy for Bronte. One particularly popular rumor at the time was that Jane's relationship with Rochester was a mirror for Bronte's relationship with Thackeray, the author of Vanity Fair. Bronte eventually got so annoyed with these insinuations that she had later editions of the novel printed as "written by Currer Bell" rather than "edited by Currer Bell", which was later changed to "written by Charlotte Bronte". So, people imposing their assumptions about the writer based on their work, basically should qualify her for Innocent Monster. In other words, appearance-wise, her male and female personae have vastly different appearances, with her female appearance influenced by Jane (plain, short) and her male appearance influenced by Charles Dickens' male gentleman characters (pompous, arrogant dandies) 2. Charles Dickens wrote for a weekly serial and wrote chapters of considerable length; it was pretty fast for his time, especially if you consider how many words he used. Edited August 15, 2016 by Code: PIRULUK Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rustytengo Posted August 16, 2016 Share Posted August 16, 2016 1. Because Jane Eyre was first published as a fictional autobiography, "edited by Currer Bell", Victorian society at the time believed Bronte to have been telling her own story. That is to say, the public opinion was that Jane Eyre was actually autobiographical, with Jane serving as a proxy for Bronte. One particularly popular rumor at the time was that Jane's relationship with Rochester was a mirror for Bronte's relationship with Thackeray, the author of Vanity Fair. Bronte eventually got so annoyed with these insinuations that she had later editions of the novel printed as "written by Currer Bell" rather than "edited by Currer Bell", which was later changed to "written by Charlotte Bronte". So, people imposing their assumptions about the writer based on their work, basically should qualify her for Innocent Monster. In other words, appearance-wise, her male and female personae have vastly different appearances, with her female appearance influenced by Jane (plain, short) and her male appearance influenced by Charles Dickens' male gentleman characters (pompous, arrogant dandies) 2. Charles Dickens wrote for a weekly serial and wrote chapters of considerable length; it was pretty fast for his time, especially if you consider how many words he used. 1. i understand where your coming from, but I'm having trouble seeing how that would count as a monstrous reputation since its still writing about regular people where in Anderson wrote Fairy Tales. it sounds more like shapeshitf or something along that line or maybe something like transformation at a lower rank.,but i will differ to your judgement for since this is your character and you know what your going for. 2. thats makes since. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Code: PIRULUK Posted August 16, 2016 Share Posted August 16, 2016 1. i understand where your coming from, but I'm having trouble seeing how that would count as a monstrous reputation since its still writing about regular people where in Anderson wrote Fairy Tales. it sounds more like shapeshitf or something along that line or maybe something like transformation at a lower rank.,but i will differ to your judgement for since this is your character and you know what your going for. 2. thats makes since. I consider Innocent Monster to apply as long as your appearance is affected by others' opinions of you, as ib the case of Andersen and Bathory. Shapeshift is more of a conscious thing that can be controlled. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Notus Posted August 16, 2016 Share Posted August 16, 2016 Ok, Master done. Meet Tohsaka Akio, Tokiomi´s old man. Name: Tohsaka Akio (Notus)Age: 56 Gender: Male Affinity: Fire, Wind Backstory: Tohsaka Akio, father of Tohsaka Tokiomi, is the fourth head of the Tohsaka family. Following the teachings of his own father to the extreme, he is fixated in reaching the Root, and will do anything to accomplish that no matter the cost. His fanatism earned him the nickname "Mad Tohsaka". Appearance:Tall and imposing, with his black hair already showing a few spots of white and the cold blue eyes distinctive of the Tohsaka. He is always elegantly dressed, prefering to wear dark blue. Catalyst: Reserving that for after the servant pool is out. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tartar Posted August 16, 2016 Share Posted August 16, 2016 And thus Anders of the Fraga lineage enters the battlefield to represent the Einzberns in their quest to obtain the Holy Grail. Name: Anders Fraga (Tartar)Age: 26Gender: Male Affinity: Rune Backstory: The Fraga family is an ancient one dating back to long before the advent of human civilization, but has in modern times fallen to obscurity due to its isolationist policies. For centuries they've lived hidden from society in their mountain strongholds in Scandinavia, and developed their magecraft to one day reach the Root and revive The Age of Gods. After centuries of isolation, the family was in the 1970's approached by the esteemed Einzbern familly with a proposition, to use the wish granting powers of The Holy Grail to reach the root. And thus a deal was formed between the Fraga and Einzbern family, for the Fraga family to supply a Master to compete in the next Holy Grail War on the Einzbern's behalf. And thus the newlyborn Fraga heir, Anders, was trained from a birth age to to participate in the upcoming Holy Grail War by both Fraga and Einzbern masters. Though the young master proved incompetent at regular modern thaumaturgy, he proved to be a natural talent with Runic magic. And thus when the Holy Grail manifested for the 4th time, Anders was prepared to represent his both the Fraga and Einzbern family in the upcoming war. (I'll flesh the character out more throughout the RP, this'll stand for now as a general background of the character and family) Appearance: Blonde hair, quite tall , brown eyes, a slender and non-imposing appearance. Catalyst: I'll chose one once the servants have been finalized... But definitely something Scandinavian/Norse in origin... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bfroger6 Posted August 16, 2016 Share Posted August 16, 2016 (edited) Tartar mentioned Scandinavia, which reminded me of cold, which reminded me of Wendigo, which reminded me that I had been planning on making a Wendigo Servant, the realization of which had proned me to create this monstrosity. Character (RPer): Wendigo/Wendy (Bfroger6) Classes: Berserker Alignment: Chaotic Mad Parameters Strength: A+ Endurance: C Agility: A+ Mana: C Luck: E Phantasm: D Class Skills Mad Enchancement: - (Replaced by Wendigo Psychosis. User is able to think, but their mind is rather one-track. Negates most of physical pain, but user is constantly dispirited until they get what they want and emotionally volatile.) Personal Skills Wendigo Psychosis: C (Belief that a person, overtaken by greed and gluttony to the point of breaking their sanity, can turn into a wendigo. In Wendy's case, her complete infatuation with the boy she liked gave soil for this skill. Functions as Mad Enchancement of equal rank.) Insatiable Hunger: B (Having been turned into a Berserker, Wendigo's infatuation with her one desired boy had been broadened. She now wants every boy for herself. She will fight fiercely against other girls standing in her way.) Battle Continuation: C (Will not stop until wanted boyfriend is acquired.) Curse of Separation Nobody Wants a Psycho Girlfriend: EX (Will never find a loving boyfriend. Notice how it clashes with her Battle Continuation. Hue.) Noble Phantasms: Prison of Heart: Forever more ~ (E, Anti-Love) By piercing the hearts of boys with her icy kiss, Wendigo can turn them into her personal puppets and store them inside her own heart - a prison made of ice and away from the greedy hands of other girls. She stores them for later consumption. Wendigo Personality: Hands off my boyfriend(s)!!! (E, Anti-Unit) Ability to project one's desires brought forth by the wendigo overtaking the person's psyche and coating their body in a veil of ice. The user is allowed the power of manipulating ice, which is severely weakened by the fact they're only allowed to be summoned as Berserkers. EDITED to use a bit more formal terms, lol Edited August 19, 2016 by Bfroger6 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rustytengo Posted August 17, 2016 Share Posted August 17, 2016 I consider Innocent Monster to apply as long as your appearance is affected by others' opinions of you, as ib the case of Andersen and Bathory. Shapeshift is more of a conscious thing that can be controlled. i see i always considered it as if history has given you a monstrous reputation like Vald and Barthory who both are portrayed in popular culture as vampires with Anderson's being a bit weird since his comes from "The Curse of the Readers" which basically is just rumores because he was a famous author of Fairy tales he must "surly be like this" which they really never explain that well. but i get what your going for since there isn't a cannon skill really for involuntary appearance change other then innocent monster. (though nothing is stopping you from making you own skill since there isn't anything monstrous about that change, but do what you want to do i won't stop you.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chevaleresse Posted August 19, 2016 Author Share Posted August 19, 2016 I'll be compiling and giving commentary on the sheets submitted so far tomorrow. EDIT: Accepted Servants added to the OP. If your servant was not found, ask me or look below to see my issues with them: Jack the Giant Killer: Needs to be generally toned down a bit. Reserve one NP for one form of the Servant, and maybe take his parameters down a notch or two. Change Unknown Guidance to a rank of Revelations. Hua Mulan: You can't have Ionioi Hetairoi; replace the Emperor's Army. Also seems generally a bit too strong; consider changing China's Great Walls to an alternate form or replacing it with Territory Creation. (Use Lord Camelot and Bathory Erzebet as models if you keep it as a NP.) Don Quixote: Still crazy OP for a fictional character, tbh. Pick a Phantasm or two and just use those. Peter Pan: Same issues as the above. Wendigo: . . . As amusing as Super Yandere is, it's a bit too much of a joke for me. Save her for CF: Reborn Edition. Masters: Akio: Looks fine, but why is he here instead of Tokiomi? Does Tokiomi still exist in this 'verse? Anders: "Rune" isn't really an affinity. Rune magic is still a subclass of the others, to my knowledge, so unless his magic is somehow a unique form, he should have a standard affinity. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Shamitako Posted August 19, 2016 Share Posted August 19, 2016 i asked you to #smartAlecBump Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rustytengo Posted August 20, 2016 Share Posted August 20, 2016 well here i thought you would have more problems with Samson since i made him to be really OP. Jack the Giant Killer: Needs to be generally toned down a bit. Reserve one NP for one form of the Servant, and maybe take his parameters down a notch or two. Change Unknown Guidance to a rank of Revelations. well i get what you getting at i can't really see reason to why he would have any of his NP's sealed away do to his class. Nor do i feel it would be the same character if i did. He's meant to be a character who could either fight as a saber as an assassin or as an assassin as a saber. He's not really suppose to change much depending on his class. I could argue and say he doesn't have two NP's on the sheet already one being his first sword and the belt that came with it and the other a horn he used at the end of the story. both of which would be bad for an assassin since the sword and belt have his name written on them so everyone would know who he is and the horn being used to declare his victory before he even sees hes enemies. i'm fine with dropping his parameters a bit since even i felt them to be a bit high (well at least his endurance anyways) hell i would drop the ranking on his NP's if i could find NP's to compare them to.i don't quite know how invisibility compares to anything else since i don't have a base line for that from other NP's at least none i can think of off the top of my head nor do i have one for his cap of intelligence since it grants him the knowledge he wants or needs(though i could change that to mainly granting skills like magic resistance and eye of the Mind true). what do you think would be best? I'm coming from a skewed point of view since i made him like that so i need an outside opinion or at least some suggestions. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Notus Posted August 20, 2016 Share Posted August 20, 2016 Quoting (apparently not so easy on mobile XD) Hua Mulan: You can't have Ionioi Hetairoi; replace the Emperor's Army. Also seems generally a bit too strong; consider changing China's Great Walls to an alternate form or replacing it with Territory Creation. (Use Lord Camelot and Bathory Erzebet as models if you keep it as a NP.) *Not using that servant anymore, so if someone wants to use her I'll leave the edits to them.* Akio: Looks fine, but why is he here instead of Tokiomi? Does Tokiomi still exist in this 'verse? *Not sure on how is the timeline of this 'verse. The original idea was that Akio would be Tokiomi's father on a previous Grail War but, if I got it wrong, I'd have no problem with playing Tokiomi himself.* Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chevaleresse Posted August 20, 2016 Author Share Posted August 20, 2016 This is basically an alternate universe Fate/Zero. Tokiomi will probably exist somewhere unless someone decides to make the Tohsaka heir their character (which is perfectly valid) or some other reason for him to not exist comes up. You can't just play the original characters from the show, though, with a possible exception for minor characters suddenly being relevant and Master-quality (which would basically make them different characters anyway.) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
rustytengo Posted August 20, 2016 Share Posted August 20, 2016 Akio: Looks fine, but why is he here instead of Tokiomi? Does Tokiomi still exist in this 'verse? *Not sure on how is the timeline of this 'verse. The original idea was that Akio would be Tokiomi's father on a previous Grail War but, if I got it wrong, I'd have no problem with playing Tokiomi himself.* This is basically an alternate universe Fate/Zero. Tokiomi will probably exist somewhere unless someone decides to make the Tohsaka heir their character (which is perfectly valid) or some other reason for him to not exist comes up. You can't just play the original characters from the show, though, with a possible exception for minor characters suddenly being relevant and Master-quality (which would basically make them different characters anyway.) an easy way to solve this would be to have Aiko being alive and not finding Tokiomi ready to compete in the war or being to stubborn not to do it himself, or something to that effect. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tartar Posted August 20, 2016 Share Posted August 20, 2016 (edited) Had some fun, so I created another character. Name: Rayes Mu (Also known as Raven Sapphire Stellaris Bitterblossom) Age: 16Gender: AndrogenousAffinity: Unlimited One (Perfect Mastery of all the elements, including Imaginary Numbers, Grain, Hollow and Demon) Backstory: Rayes was a prodigy unlike any other born into the Mu family, on the secluded island of Atlantis, with an astounding amount of Magical Circuits circulating xyr body. Already as a child xyr family decided to entrust the family position to him and groom him to be its next leader, and as xe grew up xe turned into an exceptionally talented young lad who showed promise in the arts of Thaumaturgy. But at the tender age of 6, Atlantis was attacked by magical creatures from the future, and the whole Mu family was killed, besides Rayes who survived through his exceptional talent and swam all the way to Japan where xe survived in the wilderness for several months alone until xe was taken in by a homunculus of the Einzbern family, and was adopted the head of the Einzberns who saw the potential for greatness within the youth. And thus at the age of 7 xe started formally training in the arts of Magecraft under the Einzberns, quickly mastering all the elements, and becoming a master at xyr craft. And not only this, because Rayes turned out to be exceptional in a number of fields including but not limited to, speaking 11 languges fluently, getting a doctorate at the age of 12 in quantum mechanics, and one in medicine at the age of 13. attaining a black belt in several martial arts schools and on top of that xe had an impeccable fashion sense. But xyr most important accomplishment was at the age of 15, at which point xe recreated the miracle of The First Magic, Second and Third Magics all at once and combined them into a unified theory which xe dubbed "The Zero'th Magic", which could recreate the Magic used during The Age of Gods, by pulling from mana in other dimensions. And thus after creating The Zero'th Magic, Rayes sets out to participate in the Holy Grail war to do honor to xyr family and revive Atlantis, and get revenge on the creatures from the Future who stole xyr family! Appearance: Completely white hair, one gold and one purple eye. A Bishounen face, extremely athletic and fit, and imposing a sense of wonder, mystery, dread and admiration in all who see him. In short the epitome of feminene and masculine grace and beauty. Catalyst: Dust of Creation, a vial of the original Dust used to create Adam, the first man. Which he will use to summon the strongest Heroic Sprit of them all: Elohim. Who is to this day worshiped religiously by billions of people,and is known by all on Earth. As you can see, xyr character is perfectly well rounded, and not OP at all. Surely xe will be accepted as xe is without any need to revise any part of xyr... I definitely did not make this character as a joke, how could you even think such a horrible thing? What, you say Rayes Mu is an anagram of Mary Sue? That's just a coincidence... Edited August 20, 2016 by Tartar Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Code: PIRULUK Posted August 20, 2016 Share Posted August 20, 2016 Had some fun, so I created another character. Name: Rayes Mu (Also known as Raven Sapphire Stellaris Bitterblossom) Age: 16 Gender: Male Affinity: Unlimited One (Perfect Mastery of all the elements, including Imaginary Numbers, Grain, Hollow and Demon) Backstory: Rayes was a prodigy unlike any other born into the Mu family, on the secluded island of Atlantis, with an astounding amount of Magical Circuits circulating his body. Already as a child his family decided to entrust the family position, and as he grew up he turned into an exceptionally talented young lad who showed promise in the arts of Thaumaturgy. But at the tender age of 6, Atlantis was attacked by magical creatures from the future, and the whole Mu family was killed, besides Rayes who survived through his exceptional talent and swam all the way to Japan where he survived in the whilderness for several months alone until he was taken in by an homunculus of the Einzbern family, and was adopted the head of the Einzberns who saw the potential for greatness within the boy. And thus at the age of 7 he started formally training in the arts of Magecraft under the Einzberns, quickly mastering all the elements, and becoming a master at his craft. And not only this, because Rayes turned out to be exceptional in a number of fields including but not limited to, speaking 11 languges fluently, getting a doctorate at the age of 12 in quantum mechanics, and one in medicine at the age of 13. attaining a black belt in several martial arts schools and on top of that he had an impeccable fashion sense. But his most important accomplishment was at the age of 15, at which point he recreated the miracle of The First Magic, Second and Third Magics all at once and combining them into a unified theory which he dubbed "The Zero'th Magic", which could recreate the Magic used during The Age of Gods, by pulling from mana in other dimensions. And thus after creating The Zero'th Magic, Rayes sets out to participate in the Holy Grail war to do honor to his family and revive Atlantis, and get revenge on the creatures from the Future who stole his family away from him! Appearance: Completely white hair, one gold and one purple eye. A Bishounen face, extremely athletic and fit, and imposing a sense of wonder, mystery, dread and admiration in all who see him. Catalyst: Dust of Creation, a vial of the original Dust used to create Adam, the first man. (Used to summon Elohim) As you can see, this character is perfectly well rounded, and not OP at all. Surely he will be accepted as he is without any need to revise any part of him... I definitely did not make this character as a joke, how could you even think such a horrible thing? What, you say Rayes Mu is an anagram of Mary Sue? That's just a coincidence... I can't believe you didn't make him androgynous. I'm disappointed in you, I am. He's supposed to have the strength and build of the perfect man and the elegance and beauty of the perfect woman. Redo! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tartar Posted August 20, 2016 Share Posted August 20, 2016 I can't believe you didn't make him androgynous. I'm disappointed in you, I am. He's supposed to have the strength and build of the perfect man and the elegance and beauty of the perfect woman. Redo! You're absolutely right! I went back and changed it. We can't have an imperfect character after all, now can we? All praise Rayes Mu, may xyr reign be long and prosperous. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Notus Posted August 20, 2016 Share Posted August 20, 2016 Ah ok, got it. Then I´ll go with Rusty´s suggestion and have Akio replace Tokiomi. Akio is a bit disturbed when it comes to the Grail, so it would be easy to picture him not letting Tokiomi fight. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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