Q-Jei

Hello everyone! This is Q-Jei!

I want to express my apologies about the music video I shared on Discord yesterday! I quickly noticed that it had shocked those who watched it and I got a warning later in the night. Today, I didn't feel good at ease because I'm afraid that people around me think I'm a doubtful or twisted person. I've lost sight that this type of content was not allowed on the server and I didn't think twice before posting it. Honestly, I was more focused on how fascinating and meaningful it was to me because it was correlating perfectly with my state of mind at this moment. I'm not trying to justify what I did because I know it's not defendable considering the fact that Ame and the moderators made clear in the rules that the type of content I shared had not its place on the server. They try to preserve positive ambiance there and I blindly trampled on one of the few places where I still felt good. Last week, I was in average shape, pressured and not in a satisfying mood overall. I finally was at the end of a work stoppage that originally was assigned to me after an accident caused by an epilepsy crisis in the middle of November. Yet, I've never been diagnosed as an epileptic in the past. The day it happened, I felt very tired and very sad because I thought I was going to lose my job. Two weeks before this event, my boss made me known that it was difficult to communicate with me and had expressed doubts about my reliability. Most of the things he expected from me were either not finished or not of sufficient high quality and I was more and more stressed to meet him because I didn't feel safe in my working environment anymore. But I don't think you need to know the rest of the details about this story. I just didn't totally mourn my previous job and there was a point where I progressively stopped getting into the mind of the others. I recently tried to do efforts to get over some inner demons and despite the return of beautiful days, I'm still crushed by the accumulation of poor results. This motivated me to post something that was correlating with these demons, let alone the fact that the lovecraftian style in this video was also very appealing to me. It's obvious that I should have given a detailed explanation about how I felt in the first place, or simply choose a lyrics video instead, which would have been more relevant and less shocking since the intepretation I had about the lyrics is the following: "You cannot let yourself get trapped in a situation based on pressure and can't let others influence your decisions". But I eventually thought too much about myself, and here I am now. I didn't want to offend anyone and I don't want to be considered as a dickhead either! Please accept my apologies and sorry for my lack of subtlety!

Take care of yourself better than I did with myself!

Q-Jei