ElfCollaborator

"Well, if you can get one so easy, why don't you show me? You're such an expert, maybe you could teach me a few things about it. And besides, it'd help you take your mind off things; you know, just two girls, out on the town, trawling bars and having a great time. Not saying you should do it now, but think about it. I mean, even goddesses of dead worlds need a break sometimes, right? And, like I said, you REAAAAALLY need to get laid."

Yes, avoid the stares, Hikari. Avoid them. Ignore the rather entranced Sachi watching you do your Keijo warmups. That's right. The expression on Sachi's face is mixed between entrancement and utter confusion. Mainly the latter.

"What kinda stupid trick is this?" Azusa looks even more ticked off. First, she was shoved into this without much prep time and then almost all her group fails. Absolutely wonderful. And now some idiot was playing tricks on them. Azusa clenches her fist, glaring backstage. It wasn't likely it was one of her group anyway, so she looks elsewhere. "Hey! This isn't funny, assholes. Quit playing tricks on us! What's going on?"

"Sure it would! And when you finally decide to end your incredibly long drought, call me. I'll be your wingwoman~"

Empi scribbles a few things down on her clipboard, continuing as if she were simply talking about the weather. "Soooo.....throw an earthquake at people here, save a few people from a tsunami there, that kinda deal? Ah. Aaaaaand I'm led to believe that you guys are appaaaaarently going around to save the multiverse from something- the acoustics of this place are really good, didya notice? And the whole balance thing? Wow. It's like you're a Jedi or something. Only way hotter. Yep, definitely hotter. I mean, I'm probably not the best person to tell you this. I work in dating and maaaaaybe a little bit on the bedroom end too- that's mainly the Succubi, those lucky bastards- buuuuut I think I have a solution. Basically, all you gotta do is be a hero! You know, come in all swashbuckling and beating the bad guys up, that kinda thing? Then, we start these rumours about you, that you're a goddess, sent from another world to save this one. I mean, it's technically true, so we're not lying and it's not ACTUALLY a rumour. Also, your natural charisma and the whole goddess power thing's going to come and help you a long way. So come in, act all mysterious, kick ass and take names, we do a little spin work and the natives of the place'll think, "is this a goddess?" And boom! Instant worshippers! I mean obviously we're going to have to get a few special effects people in and of course there's that atheism thing that's spreading now- maaaaan, my boss is having the time of HER life trying to get people to not call the crazy house every time we show up to our next client- buuuut I think if we get a few people believing you're a goddess- as opposed to just some superpowerful Japanese supermodel alien person- and we get word around, we MIGHT just be able to get you followers. I mean, it's no substitute for having your people back and DEFINITELY not one for having a world of your own believing in you, but who says heroism doesn't pay back, huh? Also, I bet people would be JUMPING at the chance to, ahem, spend a night with the goddess, so it'll do wonders for your love life!"

Empi suddenly has a pair of glasses and a clipboard with one of those clicking pens. She clicks the pen, twirling it in her hand. "Soooooo.....what kinda stuff did your people THINK you did as a disaster goddess? Did you, like, bring disaster? Inadvertently cause it? Fucked so hard you literally felt the earth move? I can see that last one; aside the whole 'sad over the death of your whole world' thing, you're kinda hot and you're a goddess, so it was PROBABLY mindblowing."

"Maybe it's time for a career change. Or a change of pace. And anyway, I mean, you have the looks of a goddess. I'm sure if you find a nice world, do a few miracles, be a hero, save a few kids from dungeons, you'll end up worshipped like one. Hell, I don't even think you need to do that much. Apparently there's some islands back where I'm from where I'm apparently a goddess of fertility because I showed up once or twice and gave a guy or two advice on how to date their neighbours. The usual advice; talk to her, be her friend, be confident, wait for her to make the first move, don't make her feel pressured, that kinda stuff. Which is odd, because I always bring protection. Anyway, yeah, you do need to get out there and reaaaaally get yourself known. Getting laid is just another perk of the job. Like it is for mine."

"Now, hang on. Hang on a minute. Your problem is that your whole world is dead, yes? Now, even if you don't get laid- and I'm actually obligated to say that you do, it's all down in my employment contract, we can have a look at that later if you want, it's REAAAAAL ironclad, I could get fired if I don't- I mean, you can't stay sad about losing your world forever, right? Your worshippers wouldn't want that of you, surely? I mean, yeah, you can mourn 'em, of course you should. If you didn't, you would be what we call in the business a Stinson or an Itou. In other words, we'd.....kinda think there's something wrong with you. But you can't really stay sad about the whole thing, right? It's over. Unless, well, we find a magical genie who can fix whole worlds. I DO know a guy who can do cities though, but....he's waaaay out of my salary, so I don't really talk to him much. Anyway well, if you don't get yourself known out there, well, how's that going to fix your problems? I mean, yeah, getting laid won't fix 'em, but getting people to know you will! Also it's fun! So what I'm saying is that you get out there, get known, maybe have a little bit of fun on the side aaaaand your belief problem's solved! Hopefully! Like I said, this is REAAAALLY out of my job specifications, so I'm sorta fucked on this one."

"Y'know, doing the deed? Making the beast with two backs? Getting busy? Donning the velvet hat? Rolling your oats? Bucking the forbidden horse? Dancing the horizontal hula? Stealing the precious thing?"

The look on Empi's face is one of absolute shock. ".......how long have you gone without?"

"You. Need. To. Get. Laid. You know....go out there. Make yourself known. Have a little.....fun on the side. You're still young, huh?

Empi lifts an eyebrow curiously. Now this was new. She'd never heard of a case like this before, definitely not. Well, not in HER department, anyway. She sits down on her bed, moving aside most of her plushies and hugging a teddy bear to her chest, patting a spot next to her for Mitsu. "So a 'clap your hands if you believe' kind of deal? I see. Well, that kind of stuff USUALLY isn't my department- actually, we outsource that to the Greeks. Man, THOSE guys.....anyway, that's....a shame. I'm sorry to hear that." She thinks for a moment, rubbing her chin and eyeing Mitsu up and down. She gets a little distracted, of course; Mitsu was rather pretty, and she could just see the beginnings of those luscious, shapely curves- Empi clears her throat. She gives Mitsu a serious look. "You need to get laid."

"Eh? Whaddya mean?"

"Oh, sure. Lemme just, er....clean up a bit. That kid was exposed to the Internet at a WAAAAAAY too early age." Empi casually waves her hand. The vomit behind Mitsu disappears and the.....implements fly into various small bags, which order themselves on Empi's bed. Empi herself gains pajamas; the pink, heart-patterned sort, as expected. She moves aside. "Come in, make yourself at home."

"I did a degree on it. Advanced Courtship Consultancy at Ishtar U. Real fun place, that was; had a roommate, she was a COMPLETE party animal! Real cute, too." Empi sighs fondly as she remarks about party animals. Her room still looks strewn with.....interesting implements. "What about you? You look like one of our competitors over in Japan. Have the whole 'raven-haired traditional lady' look around you. I say you pull it off preeeeetty well."

Azusa Kumon was irritated. Of course. she was almost always irritated. This was just her natural state of being; either her job pissed her off because some idiot customer tried to flirt with her or her bosses were being demanding again, or some random street toughs thought they could feel up the pretty, busty redhead who worked down the street easily. After all, she wasn't the Angel-Faced Demon of Sendo for nothing. Either way, there was always a problem and thus she was always irritated. Usually, when there was a problem and she was irritated, she did one of four things; intimidate it, tell it to piss off, hit it hard or book it if all else failed. Generally the hitting came first. Most "problems" weren't scared of her, not until they heard of her reputation, by which point they usually either begged for mercy or handed over whatever cash they had. She never took it; she wasn't some petty thief, just a girl who wouldn't let some moron screw with her. Of course, this was all back in Sendo, when she worked odd jobs to help her mom out. She didn't know where she was right now and she was an idol. She had been for a few months already; her agent had spotted her at the Pleasure Moon- a hostess lounge, neither particularly seedy nor particularly classy, but if you were Azusa and had neither qualifications nor the connections, you took what you could get. Of course, she'd hardly done anything of worth; a few bit roles in some anime, a few photo shoots, but then these guys had gotten her into some new agency. Not that she particularly cared; the only thing she cared about was that the guys in suits had said she'd make more money as part of this group than as a solo idol. If she made it in. So she agreed and now she was on this stage singing some silly song that she barely knew the lines to. And thus, Azusa Kumon was irritated. Of course, she had to push that all down. There were a couple of girls with her; all of them, she knew a little about. There were a few twins from the country; cheery, nervous, shy bunch of girls from a place she hadn't heard of, though Azusa hadn't even been out of Sendo, let alone out of Tokyo. Those two really wanted to be idols, she could tell that much. That one small, mousy girl; squeaked like a mouse, probably scurried like one too and dressed like one of those dancing game mascots at that one arcade she hung out at. And that tall one, bigger than her, probably half-foreign; Azusa figured she was a little too into the whole idol thing. Still, if there was one thing Azusa knew, it was that when you were in a group, you didn't let anyone down. Loyalty was the best thing you had on the streets, and you never turned your back on your own, blood or no. Damn. Guess there's no helping it. So Azusa dances. Nothing fancy, but rather rough; rough in the sense of force, of hot-bloodedness. Of course she kept with the movements of the rest; it'd look nicer anyway and that'd mean people would like it, which meant they weren't utterly screwed and she might get paid enough to send stuff back to mom.

"Oh, nononononono, it's no problem at all, really! Besides, rather this than trying to work this stupid damn phone. I really DO have to talk to the IT department about this. So, you wanna talk or....."

Meanwhile, Idunn finds somewhere to sit with a plate piled high with various extremely meaty dishes. Indeed, there seems to be enough to feed ten normal people on said plate. "A feast worthy of the halls of my fathers! Ahahahaha!"

Empi raises an eyebrow curiously. Usually, when she said she gave dating advice, most people tended to either laugh at her, call her insane, or immediately collapse on their knees and beg for everything she knew. Once, she even had a guy do all three. At once. He wasn't the easiest client, but he learned well in the end. He wasn't bad in the sack either; Empi remembered that Memorial Day weekend well. It was a fun couple of days wasted. Looking burdened, however, was a first for her in almost 400 years of advice and dealing with clients. Especially from this one; considering her looks and her general bearing, Empi figured that someone like her wouldn't have so much trouble finding someone to date or even spend the night with. Hell, she'd do it; though she preferred guys, Empi was partial to a little girl-on-girl action. The fairy tilts her head, rubbing the back of her head. "Hey....uh.....well, I mean, I suppose I could give you some advice for free. I'm sure the boss won't mind if I do some consulting on the side...."

Empi has an entirely serious look on her face. "Dating advice. That's not a euphemism."

Empi groans. She doesn't seem to notice Mitsu's exasperation, being rather exasperated herself. "I've been trying to call my boss to get a ride out of here- she accidentally sent me HERE when I was MEANT to be riding out to meet a client- but this stupid phone won't even get any reception here! Dammit, I should've bought one of those new HunieBee 5Ss instead of this crappy 4G model. Oh well, that's what I get for not asking for the upgrade when they had it free....."

The cursing stops for a moment, followed by several footsteps towards the door. The door opens to reveal Empi wearing a black shirt and what appears to be nothing else, the black shirt with "I WANNA TONGUE BATH" printed on in large white letters. Luckily, the shirt extends down over her waist and over her groin, so nothing can be seen. The room behind her is strewn with varying.....equipment that children ought not to know of and are best spoken of only in certain circles. "Yes?"

The cursing seems to be originating from a bedroom nearest the entrance to the place. "What kind of shitty interdimensional phone is this? No bars! So much for advertised features. 6G roaming my ass."

Elsewhere in the suites, one might hear the faint noise of a woman swearing and cursing loudly at what seems to be her phone.