Hello everyone. Recently, I've found myself a bit on the bored and depressed side, and since I have time to spare and can be an attention whore when I want to, I thought I'd make a topic chronicling whatever I feel like talking about at the moment. A sort of journal, appropriately enough. Despite the whimsical name I've given this thread, you can ask questions (unless you're Jon Snow), comment, share your own experiences, and the like - this is a forum, after all. However, this thread is expressly not an AMA, and for goodness' sake, don't try to debate me here. I do acknowledge that I'm a bit selfish to make a thread just about me, but I expect it will die a swift death and that will be the end of it, so whatever.
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First topic - obsession! I tend to be a bit crazy, and one of my afflictions is Obsessive Compulsive Disorder. (OCD) It drives me to do a lot of rather silly things. For one, I collect a thing call mounts (animals/machines you ride around on) in the notorious World of Warcraft. You don't have to know anything about the game to get the gist of it - these items are often among the hardest to get in the game, and the worst of them are usually hiding below exceedingly low drop rates. Lately, I've been after one in particular, an item that has a drop rate of around 1 in 2000. Since my luck is atrocious, I've done over 2400 attempts on the thing and haven't gotten it. (Though I've had the pleasure of watching others who didn't know of its existence get it several times.) My desire to actually own the item is all but gone by now; I have better mounts already. But this nasty little urge in the back of my head prods me to keep trying and trying and trying, even though doing so drains the life out of me.
Of course, this is completely irrational. I know very well that I would enjoy the game a lot more if I would just accept that it's not going to drop. This is not the first time I've been in this position, though it is perhaps the worst. Time and again, I've pursued similar items, finally looted them, and... nothing. A pang of relief to be done with the hunt at best. Yet no matter how many times I drill that fact into my mind, when I try to put the item aside, it never lasts for long. Someday, I'll get it - and another item will come along to take its place. I'll remain stuck in this cycle of cycles until the game dies off, because I'm too weak to break it.
Of course, silly items in a video game aren't my only obsessions. I have plenty of others, ones that drive me to a place of perfectionistic insanity, ones that form exceedingly irritating habits that interrupt me all the time, and ones that manifest themselves in the form of ideas and narratives that amass like tumors growing in the back of my mind, fed by every thought and experience they can stomach - and often by each other. Usually, they're self-sabotaging, dark little notions - another branch of my insanity. You've already seen a glimpse of one of them - the idea that my luck will always be poor. Of course, that is demonstrably not the case in many aspects of my - I have loving parents, for instance - but that does little to snuff out the inner monologue. By now, the stories I tell myself have become so frequent that I'd place some of them near the core of who I am.
Well, this has gotten a bit gloomy. If you couldn't tell, I'm quite the pessimist. =p Anyway, if you relate to any of that, feel free to share your experiences. Maybe knowing that I'm not alone will help me feel better. (Probably not. <3)