relationship problem thread.
i haven't had any semblance of a crush on somebody for what's going on 5 years. I got used and then became a manipulative asshole/player of a person before finally settling down into an emotionally distant/unavailable kid who'd rather smoke/drink/snort/pop pills etc than deal with jack-all. the whole gay thing didn't help at all, my options were next to nonexistent in comparison to my hetero counterparts to begin with. And then here comes along M... and I feel like I'm in fucking middle school again. And hear this-- he came out as bi, and when asked why, replied with "Anthony". That's me like c'mon We've made out twice and we sort of cuddle sometimes (used to a lot more) and I actually really like him... we've SORT of hooked up once, but it wasn't... sex... he's attractive, intelligent, caring, and down for whatever drug-wise just as much as I am. Fuck he actually meets pretty much all of my standards though i'm a tad more mature than him, being 2 years older. But like right when I got comfortable enough to make moves he got a girlfriend. And I can't compete at all, they fucking live together and they're only just about to be 17. I've never seen two people closer and it fucking kills me. I don't get JEALOUS when they kiss in front of me... it just makes me feel irked in an uncomfortable/melancholy way. Also they argue a lot, and she isn't as good for him as I would be. But I really like her as a person and she's a good friend of mine so I don't want them to like break up for me... but I actually really sort of do. I mean okay K (her) was like 8 shots in and passed out on the bed because she's a tiny little thing. Matt and I were 10 shots in and kept pouring each other more. We went out for a jack and I kissed him. Maybe 20 minutes later we were in the back room so we could talk without waking her up and he makes me a bracelet that says "Matt<3Anthony" (that's meee) and says he knows I like him and that he likes me too... I don't want to be a homewrecker but I'm becoming a lot more interested in the idea of being his side-romance. I don't know if that's sad to say or not...
The fact that I can only muster up the confidence to lay things out when I'm really drunk is as much an issue as it is a result of him having a girlfriend but since we laid things out... I think I could do it sober.