Show me your best/worst puns!

[Alistair]

There is probably a similar topic that already exists somewhere, but I didn't find anything recent, so here we go! Please post your mightiest puns here! Because aint nothin like a good ole pun to brighten your day, amirite?

I'll start:

What is Rowan Atkinson's favorite move?

Solar Bean!!!

[Tartar]

Alistair scores a the deciding goal in a match, he becomes an All-Star!

[Pluto]

that joke was trubbish, you should feel ABSOLutely terrible

(i am sorry)

Edited October 25, 2016 by Pluto

[Guest]

What do you do with a sad arsonist?

CHAR him up!

[laggless01]

Which guy always guesses right?
One Hunch Man.

Yup.

[Notus]

Wait until Ame discovers this thread. Then you`ll know what true despair is like. Her puns are really aMewsing.

[Lugruf]

[HughJ]

saw man of steel in theaters

at one point superman cuts a steel girder in half with his laser vision

I said "hey, eye beams"

Edited October 26, 2016 by HughJ

[Ironbound]

"Show me your best puns", he says.

So you're asking me to post my entire life here. It won't fit.

Also, there is a science behind puns. Unlike memes, which do not usually involve direct application of thought, and which can therefore be regurgitated in any context (or rather, out of all context), puns are alive. A pun has its own time and place to shine in, it is like a flower, exquisite in its radiance, a thing impermanent and for that reason all the more amazing. A pun, like a flower, if removed from the context on which it fleetingly blossoms, withers and loses charm.

I cannot show you my best puns here, I cannot pluck them away from their own unique contextual wit. To experience the full beauty of puns, one must be there at the time when they are made, and one must know and appreciate the circumstances which gave it birth.

To post puns here, out of their habitat and pressed into a dry list, would be like showing someone a pickled hummingbird in a jar and attempting to have them understand the beauty and grace it would have shown when it was alive and fluttering. A thread like this may do for posting 'top memes' or something, since memes are never so sophisticated or applicative, and have no contextual beauty (rather by nature a meme is something that can be spammed any time and anyhow) but for puns, it is but a compromise, a secondhand knowledge, and a robbery of the thing's true beauty. No, I say, come with me, journey with me, and I shall show you the true beauty of puns, as they are made and before they fade.

[Alistair]

Alistair scores a the deciding goal in a match, he becomes an All-Star!

Awww yiss, that's SOOO me!

"Show me your best puns", he says.

So you're asking me to post my entire life here. It won't fit.

Also, there is a science behind puns. Unlike memes, which do not usually involve direct application of thought, and which can therefore be regurgitated in any context (or rather, out of all context), puns are alive. A pun has its own time and place to shine in, it is like a flower, exquisite in its radiance, a thing impermanent and for that reason all the more amazing. A pun, like a flower, if removed from the context on which it fleetingly blossoms, withers and loses charm.

I cannot show you my best puns here, I cannot pluck them away from their own unique contextual wit. To experience the full beauty of puns, one must be there at the time when they are made, and one must know and appreciate the circumstances which gave it birth.

To post puns here, out of their habitat and pressed into a dry list, would be like showing someone a pickled hummingbird in a jar and attempting to have them understand the beauty and grace it would have shown when it was alive and fluttering. A thread like this may do for posting 'top memes' or something, since memes are never so sophisticated or applicative, and have no contextual beauty (rather by nature a meme is something that can be spammed any time and anyhow) but for puns, it is but a compromise, a secondhand knowledge, and a robbery of the thing's true beauty. No, I say, come with me, journey with me, and I shall show you the true beauty of puns, as they are made and before they fade.

kay

Also

What does mother Marowak say to baby Cubone in a fight?

"Put more backBONE into it!"

[Ironbound]

Oh, you're hopeless.

What do you deserve for this base treachery?

A sound PUNishment

[Alistair]

Yeeaaaah, that's the spirit ^^

[Josef]

Want to hear a construction joke? Im working on it.

[Eldon]

I was hungry with nothing to eat, so I roosted my Talonflame in my oven.

Oooooh guys, you may want to double check that. It's a pun that actually makes grammatical sense! You don't see that often.

[Ironbound]

Dark humour? Sure, gibbet a shot. We'll have something to put our heads together on as we hang around.

[NickCrash]

Dark humour Viri is just like food. Not everyone gets it.

But since puns are the topic, here is a quiz.

What do you call a snobbish criminal going down the stairs?

A condescending con descending

[Alistair]

Dark humour Viri is just like food. Not everyone gets it.

Dark humour is 100% accepted and approved for this thread tho

(an offensive pun was edited out of this post after Viri advised me to delete it. Dunno how serious he was about that but I'm not taking any risks )

Edited October 27, 2016 by Alistair

[NickCrash]

Appreciated. If you don't mind, I'll leave for a bit. I have to make Holy Water.

How, you ask?

But by boiling the Hell out of it of course!!

[Ironbound]

And yeah Alistair that one was definitely way overboard. It's just terrible taste. I advise you remove it quickly.

Anyways, leaf me alone now. I'm bushed, and I wood just as lief shoot off.

[Grizzlybrand]

So one night i get home from a late shift at work and I'm super hungry, and loving me some good noodles i wanted to have some ramen. I went into the kitchen and gathered all the ingredients, I got my broth, eggs, noodles and toppings but i realized I was missing something, the miso paste.

I was souper sad that i miso'd out on that crucial flavor.

[laggless01]

And yeah Alistair that one was definitely way overboard. It's just terrible taste. I advise you remove it quickly.

I had an awfully dark one in mind, but seeing this I'll keep it to myself.

Instead, have a PG-one:

What is useless and wears chainmail?

A Magiklarp.

[Ironbound]

What does a Delibird say when it hands out Presents?

Ho-Oh-oh! Merry thanksgiving Christmas!

[Alistair]

Why should you never take Hitmonlee to KFC?

Cuz he would kick the bucket!

[Ironbound]

No, that pun works better with a Blaziken. He'd really be kicking the bucket.

[Alistair]

No, that pun works better with a Blaziken. He'd really be kicking the bucket.

Well he sure would end up literally in the bucket, but I picked Hitmonlee because he is the most emblematic "kicking" pokémon in my opinion. Point's the same anyway.