Something of the past you al deserve to know

[Wolfox]

Alright, so first off, I'm not great at writing stuff like this, so bare with me here. also, my English isn;t perfect, so bare with me, again

 

It's no secret that I was severely bullied at school in the past, possibly most people in the forums I've talked with know this. What they may not know, is that it got to a point where there's a good chance it may have pushed some others over the edge.

 

I'm not gonna go into detail, but let's just begin:

 

It was my first year a High School, I was 12 at the time and went to a school that was said to be able to help people who need some extra help (like me) quite well. Well, it did not go well at all, I did get help, but that was between a week or a month before my last day there, but that's not that important. What is, however, is that in my let's say three months there, I got stabbed in the back by "friends", have been called a bullying name (obtained because one so called friend couldn't keep his big mouth shut about me hitting a stationary car with my bike) in the cafeteria, me being in the middle of a circle of sort with about the whole school against me. That name stuck till I returned one day to say goodbye to the class I was with for those short months. Let's also note that in said class was a girl I liked, and there is where my 100% rejection streak started. So anywho, things didn;t go well with me there and I had to leave there for a school specialized in people like me, downside: It was full. So I had to finish the rest of that already terrible year at a "between schools school". Now, what do you do with a 12-year-old with anger issues and Autism? you put them in a place with more bad influences than a god damn strip club of course! Needless to say, when I got there it got worse. I was actually to the point where I didn't even care about my schooling anymore, I wanted to get away from there. I'm not sure what would have happened if I didn't have my best friend and some music to get me through that year. The only good thing I got out of that year, is that I got Pokemon White on my birthday that year (which ultimately got me here! but that doesn't have to do with my story). I don't know all the details of what happened that year, but I can without a doubt say that that was the worst year of my life. And if I ever have a kid who has to go to that place for a few weeks, I will tell them to fuck off and that I'll let them stay at home for that time instead.

 

That felt good, getting that off my chest. Just another time of me proving how at home I feel here at the reborn forums. If only I had this during that year, maybe I would not have been as hurt as much, but who knows~.

[Hycrox]

Wow... revealing that must have been really tough

 

well, I'm kinda bad with words myself, but I'll say that of there's one thing that year didn't do was turn you into a bad person. It baffles me how a school like the first one you mentioned was considered helpful for people with special needs, and don't worry, you're surrounded by lots of nice people here in Reborn. Stay cool fren

[Cool Girl]

I'm really sorry to hear that happened. I really sympathize with you 'cause I was also severely bullied at school (I'm not anymore, but yeah...) Stay strong, friend!

[RedAlert]

Wow mate. Sounds like you've been through tough times.

 

I'm new to this forum, but what I gather from your story is the general case of bullying that tends to happen throughout school for people, I've experienced it, many people have, but perhaps not to the extent you have. However, there is always a bright side to all of this - any thing that hits you hard and momentarily makes you feel pain and misery can be a blessing in disguise - you will learn from your mistakes, and if you put your will to it, grow stronger from it. You'll have the feeling that nothing can hurt you as much as what you've already experienced so you'll be ready to face a lot of things in the future, even critical life-changing decisions (notable, ones without soft resets, unlike Reborn :P).

 

Rejection can also be very aggravating, because you feel worthless, just because one pretty girl wasn't able to see the good stuff about you. Trust me, I've been through the same. I have been rejected multiple times, bullied in school being a short fat kid but I kind of used that to my advantage and focused on those parts of me they teased me about so they wouldn't have anything to say. I hit the gym, joined my high school basketball team and not only did it benefit my physical appearance, it helped majorly in building confidence and talking to girls, something which I was previously very very afraid of.

 

Also, I suggest finding something that is parallel to your interests (besides Pokemon games, I'm talking about work/productivity), it'll give you a confidence boost and you'll find yourself valuable as a person. It doesn't have to be anything major, just something that you feel is enjoyable yet worthwhile and makes you feel that you're a contributing member of society. Fuck the bullies, they're only doing it because they're equally self-conscious and seek to point out other people's faults in public so that they feel less bad about themselves. It's a human trait, it's detestable, but it exists. Case in point: Fern.

 

In the end, it's not what others think of you that matters, but what you think of yourself.

[Wolfox]

2 minutes ago, RedAlert said:

Rejection can also be very aggravating, because you feel worthless, just because one pretty girl wasn't able to see the good stuff about you. Trust me, I've been through the same.

it's not so much "one pretty girl", but more like every girl I've asked out :/

[RedAlert]

Just now, Wolfox said:

it's not so much "one pretty girl", but more like every girl I've asked out :/

It's still the same thing, one or many. Basically, I find that there are two reasons why a girl says no to a guy, other than already being in a relationship: 1/ They're not interested in relationships in general, 2/ they fail to see the awesomeness in you  , at least I like to say that to myself to be optimistic. Obviously, girls are very complex and there are many more reasons, but on a broader basis, you have to present yourself as a "presentable". From personal experience (not to toot my own horn), I've found that working out, getting a degree/stable job increases the possibility of you being a potential "candidate" as partners in their eyes.

[Wolfox]

well, neither of those can happen at this point. when it comes to working out: that's not my thing at all, and I feel good in my own body. and the degree... well I have some certificates, but that's it. as for a stable job: I'm still a little young for that right now (just 19).

also you forgot a reason: they don't wanna risk the friendship they have with you

[RedAlert]

Like I said, there are multiple reasons as to why a girl can reject you, but I just listed the ones that are the most common (for me at least). I'm not a dating guru or anything, just personal experience.

 

10 minutes ago, Wolfox said:

well, neither of those can happen at this point. when it comes to working out: that's not my thing at all, and I feel good in my own body.

That's great then.. If you're comfortable with your body or anything like that, you don't need to work in that regard. I suggested this as a confidence boost

Edited June 16, 2017 by RedAlert

[Wolfox]

4 minutes ago, RedAlert said:

Like I said, there are multiple reasons as to why a girl can reject you, but I just listed the ones that are the most common (for me at least). I'm not a dating guru or anything, just personal experience.

 

That's great then.. If you're comfortable with your body or anything like that, you don't need to work in that regard. I suggested this as a confidence boost

oh, confidence I lack greatly xD but I don't feel like it's due to my body, more so due to the past

[Anime]

I'm so very sorry to hear that. that must've been really tough for you to tell us :[ stay strong

[Wolfox]

3 minutes ago, Another Retired Shipper said:

I'm so very sorry to hear that. that must've been really tough for you to tell us :[ stay strong

not that tough, it's been around 6/7 years since it happened, so I kinda found some closure. never a fun story to tell tho

 

Edit: if I go Ted Mosby on my kids later and tell them about how i met their mom, I'll be sure to leave this out, even if it could potentially play a major roll in it somehow, since it did change my whole being

Edited June 16, 2017 by Wolfox

[Ojama Yellow]

my apologies if this comes over as rather frank, or something of the likes, but we didnt actually deserve to know this, per se. by which I dont mean you did something wrong by sharing this with us- far from, actually. getting something off your chest can feel real good sometimes, moreso if you do it in a place youre comfortable in. and I honestly dont know where im going with this so time to drop that.

 

im not gonna pretend to understand what the pain was you went through- while I did undergo bullying myself in high school, it was (to my knowledge) not nearly as harsh as this. however, what I do understand is that shit like that leaves scars that arent easily erased. primarily the self-confidence issues.

 

small story about when I first entered reborn- I was entirely convinced that I was the biggest trash of the earth and didnt even deserve to talk to anyone ever because said people had better things to do with their time than waste it with the likes of me. through a combination of both psychological treatment and this place, ive reached the point where I still beat myself up over my negative points but am able to respect my positives.

 

what im trying to get at is this- I dunno what confidence issues you have, nor do I know how deep they go, but I do know that they can be at least partially fixed if youre open to it. if you dont do so already, id also recommend attempting to make an appointment with a psychologist. this isnt meant in a bad way, but from experience I can say that a good psychologist can really help with these issues.

 

oh, and about the relationships I can only give one piece of advice. dont try to force it, attraction should come near naturally from both sides to create a healthy relationship. and should you get a good feeling from the person youre attracted to, take your chances and ask them out. nothing ventured, nothing gained. I understand that getting rejected often can make you lose hope, but dont actually go into a downward spiral of negativity about it. especially at your current point in life, relationships are a nice bonus- theyre far from something obligatory you need to be happy.

 

edit: oh, and I should actually end this post by saying good luck. I sincerely hope your future goes better than your past.

[Wolfox]

my issue with confidence is mainly that I sometimes feel like I'm not good enough for certain friends, but usally when I'm feeling down. and I'm kinda underconfident about my social skills, but past like this + autism does that to a guy

[Wolfox]

if nothing else live thought me one thing, "if live punches you in the face, retailiate twice as hard". Like the fire Jojo (Jonathat Joestar) in phantom blood, and Dio (pre vamp) punched him he got a straight right punch to the nose back, twice as hard as Dio punched

[mde2001]

Thanks for sharing that with us. I think you'll be better off after you've shared it a bit. 

While there are some aspects I can relate to, I can barely imagine what a lot of that stuff would feel like. However, the fact that you've come through it all and are now a generally good person is a real testament to you. 

 

In terms of the relationship stuff, I wouldn't stress about it. You've got plenty of time left in your life, and it is better to wait and find someone who actually understands you, than try to force yourself into a relationship with someone who doesn't really like you that much. You're a really nice guy to everyone here, so if you can somehow find a way to show that side of yourself to the world around you, then you'll at least make some really strong friends, and possibly find a partner. 

[Wolfox]

I apriciate hearing all this more than you would probably know, also as for being nice to everyone: if people would just start calling others autistic for no reason but to offend them I would hammer down on them without a doubt (the once trying to offend that is)

[Seal]

I would like to help you but I'm not that good at giving advice but you're a great guy, don't let people change that.

[Wolfox]

Just now, Seal said:

I would like to help you but I'm not that good at giving advice but you're a great guy, don't let people change that.

can't really help what's in the past can you? xD overall I found some closure with it already, the scars on my soul will remain but it doesn't bother me as much anymore, thanks tho