Yours Truly Posted September 29, 2015 Share Posted September 29, 2015 (edited) This Story is about a man named Sam. ReDraft 2 Chapter 0.25: Semi colons Everywhere!!!!!!! It’s pretty late in the evening, and I decided to go to sleep; I clambered onto the bed closed my eyes and went to sleep. I hear a large beeping sound, and I think I can hear somebody talking. A man speaks in a light voice he seems a bit impatient; do you think he’s awake? , another man answers in a slightly deeper voice; he s answers in a calm, patient tone; well even if he is awake we probably wouldn’t notice; you know how he is; always playing possum and what not. I wonder what their motives are for breaking into my house. The impatient man speaks again; well I still think we should just kick him or something. The calm man answers; that would be stupid; you wouldn’t want to scare him do you? I find the calm man’s words to be a bit stupid I mean you already broke into my house, how is that not scary? , The calm man speaks again, Wait; look up for a second. The impatient man seems to be repeating something; I m-ea-n you al-ready br-ok-e in-to my house comma how is that not scary? , The calm man goes silent for what feels like an eternity. He speaks in a slower tone as if he is thinking; hmm that monitor only ever works if he’s awake and if it’s working that means, He suddenly stops talking as if to give a dramatic effect to his next sentence. The calm man says in a commanding tone, alright then why don’t you kick him? , The Impatient man sighs, why didn’t we do that in the first place? , the calm man swiftly replied, because we didn’t know he was awake, and I generally prefer a more subtle approach to things. I can hear Footsteps heading towards me; I decide that it might be better If I admitted to being awake. I say; I’m Awake I’m awake what’s all this about anyway? , I open my eyes only to see a black blur and a purple blur, and I decide to reach for my glasses. The calm man says, that is unnecessary you do not need to wear your glasses here. Here? I wonder what he meant by that, The calm man answers; well for now let’s just say that whoever you think you are doesn’t apply here, but who you really are will always show itself. To Be Continued Edited October 9, 2015 by Cronos5010 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yours Truly Posted October 9, 2015 Author Share Posted October 9, 2015 Redrafted the 0.25th chapter the second time Currently working on the rest of the chapter. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TheSilentSerenade Posted October 19, 2015 Share Posted October 19, 2015 I like your Chapter 0.25 so far. Please put quotation marks in front of your character's dialogue ( ' ' OR " " ) so that your reader/s will know when a certain character is talking. I found it somewhat difficult to read, as your paragraph had not been structured as individual paragraphs, which left no place to pause and take in what I had just read. This required me to reread the long paragraph many times, with my subsequent going-over of the written text yielding little comprehension on my part. Nevertheless, I am interested in reading more updated content of your story, Cronos. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Yours Truly Posted December 12, 2015 Author Share Posted December 12, 2015 I'm sorry to disappoint you Serenade, but I won't be adding new chapters to this story for a while; maybe someday; so expect a new chapter in 2016 or something. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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