I don't think I can help you any further, besides repeatedly tell you, like every other person here, to help from the government and try to improve your life by fighting against abuse.
Life just is the way it is. Nobody made it that way, and nobody will change it for you. It's different for everybody and if you don't like how it is, you should figure out how to make it into something you enjoy, regardless of what other people do or think or say.
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