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Should I be alive?
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Now it is, yes. 100 comments.
I don't know you at all in comparison to any of these people. Just gonna say, even if it is the 100th time, don't let your actions be the results of the thougths you have during a depressive episode. The same as acting while angry or drunk, you get some pretty nasty ideas when depressed, like suicide or self-injury.
Get that there are people who care about you, and hold on to it. Things always change. Cheers and good luck.