GotWala

I can definitely see why it took you so long, haha. There's so much description that it would require large amounts of thought! It's wonderful to see that the love between Azalea and Elaine has finally taken that next step! The artist and her masterpiece, together in the bliss that can only exist between those who understand one another... *sniff, sniff* God, now I just want to find someone to give a big hug to, haha! Take as much time as you need, Hukuna. I'm more than willing to wait for more brilliant dreams, haha.

Oh, I see! I always end up trying to find something like that, haha. But I feel that even if there isn't a moral of the story, I'll usually try to think of one for the sake of growing from an experience. I'll also admit that I'm somewhat "useless" as a critic since I have a hard time telling people what I don't like about their work. I know that's what I'm supposed to do in order to help them grow, but I don't consider myself worthy of making those statements. That's enough about me; this is your feedback thread after all, haha! I really like how Ame pointed out the idea of Chekov's Gun(?). Basically, the practice to have no unnecessary elements within a story, which goes double for shorts. I think that brevity of the piece and the lack of words to convey this story may have led to some of the confusion on the part of character development. While I think that character development might not be necessary for a single chapter of a story, there needs to be something within a short, having less time means the dynamic change has to be prevalent if one is to get readers attached to the struggles of the characters. Now let's say you didn't want to develop Nona beyond her detachment; well, that would be entirely possible, but we' first need to explore the rest of hers and David's characters first. With the removal of unnecessary elements like Ame suggested, you could actually have more room for the important details such as the significance behind the ring (Which also could use that adjusted emotional timing) and maybe more of David's shortcomings as a partner for Nona. Perhaps the ending could've been something involving Nona showing us, the reader, just why she was even committed to David long enough to get to this point. In other words, what part of Nona, while detached, still received something from David. While it's rather unfortunate that you can't cover an entire character arc all within such a short time, the goal is to cram as much of that detail and dynamic change in there as possible. I think the story of Nona and David might be better suited for a longer work if their changes are meant to be slow like you said. This was still enjoyable for me to read, and I can only ask that you consider our criticisms. After that, you can do with them what you will, haha.

Hello there Johnnyjoker! I admit, I'm a tad late on this one (and entirely absent for a few others, haha...) but that won't stop me from giving you a warm welcome! While I'm more than certain that Jericho and the Mods can help you out more than I ever could, I'm almost always available as both a friendly face and a good listener.

Wow, I know I shouldn't be surprised that I leave such a bubbly impression on everyone, but I really am, haha! I'm just ecstatic at the idea that I can be some kind of happiness beacon for you all. I promise that I won't let this sunflower wilt anytime soon, haha.

Ahh! I love that song! Excellent choice, man!

Ahh, welcome Indianlgcy! You picked quite the festive time to introduce yourself, haha! While I'm sure Jericho and the Mods can help you out more than me, I am almost always available as both a friendly face and a good listener.

Ahh, I see! I myself have enjoyed Dark Lagers, although I've heard good things about IPAs from my Grandfather, haha.

Why hello there Dracia! While I'm certain Jericho and the Mods could help you out with any questions you may have, I am almost always available as both a friendly face and a good listener. I'm rather interested in Biotech, although I'm not sure I'll find much application for it in the next 6 years with my Navy service, haha. Is there a particular kind of beer you favor when brewing?

Oh no, it was my pleasure! I look forward to any future writing that you make as well, haha!

Ahahahaha! I just noticed your choice of themes for me Mael! I didn't know I left such a rowdy impression on you, but I'm sure my nautical adventures should be full of similar energy, haha! I'll have to bring some themes around for you guys eventually, but I'm such a perfectionist when I'm trying to give someone a "gift", haha.

That is very unfortunate, haha! I still have haunting memories of how long it took to get a Froakie that was at least decent... Luck was not with me for several hours, haha.

Of all of the things for me to get quoted on, haha!

Enjoy the read I did! I think this very well may have been my favorite chapter so far, haha! Another dream sequence but in the desert, the playful love between wind and sand, and all of those thoughts between Elaine and Azalea were making my eyes mist a little. There's just so much to love about the world, and the times when we can give back and let another experience the love we have is just sublime, haha. I sincerely look forward to what comes next with these dreams on other shores!

Ahh, this was an example of pain I know all too well, haha... I had to learn the hard way that getting hung up on a wound from the past would only cause it to fester and force me to lag behind in the game of life. 2 years ago, I had blundered on my first, and it caused my self-loathing to spike because I had made her disappear. All it took was one simple mistake, one overstepping of bounds, one utterance of words meant for the future and I had scared her away. 4 years ago, the combination of the misguided hatred I held for my Step-Mother had created a gap between her and my Father, showing me the fragility of the sacred bond of marriage once more. I've watched my Brother and my friend's go through terrible loss after loss because they still haven't healed from the pain. Hell, I've watched the weakness of those bonds since I was 4; only a week after my birthday did my Mother divorce my Father because our family bored her and stole her freedom. Love, Trust, Understanding: These feelings have been damaged with every painful experience, and for awhile I had considered such wear and tear to be permanent. I thought long and hard about what it meant to live, and have been working tirelessly towards mending my perceptions. I thank you, Zephyr, for giving me another reason to reflect on my past and use that knowledge to bring about a future I can love and be a part of. I apologize for speaking about myself here like some form of narcissist, but I felt a need to explain my connection to this story, haha. I hope that everyone who reads this can learn to never allow their bad experiences decide their future. You would be denying what could be with mere shadows of the past, haha.

Hmm, I really like the choice of first-person narration for this particular short story! Being able to see into the thoughts of Nona is very helpful for conveying the exact message that this writing is attempting to say. As for that message, it is a very real one, if that makes sense. In fact, I would hazard to say that between comfort and compromise is exactly where every relationship is located, haha. The circumstances that surround our lives prevent us from having the perfect experience, so we must make do. Anyways, I look forward to what comes next in any of your writing endeavors, Hilda!

Thank you very much, Breezey! I'm glad I could make my questions easy, haha.

Ahh, hello there Breezey! I can't say I would be nearly as much help as the moderators or Jericho, but I still offer my services as both a friendly face and a good listener. I'm happy to see that Neo already took the liberty of giving your avi a hat so you can join the festivities, haha. If it wouldn't be too much to ask, I think a few of us would very much like to see what wonderful creations you've made! Sorry if that might be selfish of me to ask, haha.

Richard began shivering while trying his best to maintain his composure. No! NO! I am the worthless one who cannot quell the wrath of his damned lineage! You may not have powers like me, but you are capable of truly being a savior! Richard ceased his temporary breaking and resumed perfect posture with unrivaled intensity, tightening his muscles as both of his hands white-knuckled. "I cannot and shall not accept that, Emelia!" Declared Richard as he planted his feet firmly on the ground. "You are too capable to be denied the opportunity to serve Trevalus. Such an injustice is unthinkable! Your masked ways are in the past for you have so much more the accomplish here. It is not fair for this to be end..." I am truly selfish... But if you were to disappear, then I would be... I do not want to be alone again...

Richard knelt for awhile as Emelia's words sunk in. His eyes started to show more light again as his face took on signs of worry. What is Emelia saying? A mistake? But she had no choice! I cannot allow her mind to be clouded over something like this! "I will not accept such a thing, Officer Vanderton!" Richard declared as he stood up and approached Emelia. "You acted in the best way you could in such a volatile situation. Do not think for a moment that you risking your life for mine would have been better! There was no such alternative." Instinctually, Richard placed his left hand on Emelia's shoulder and slightly creasing his legs to be at eye level. He may have felt pain in his leg as he did this, but it wasn't going to stop him from helping his partner. "You are an excellent swordswoman and a strong person. My weakness is my own burden to bear, Emelia," Spoke Richard as he gazed directly into Emelia's eyes with his fervor returned. "I believe in you; whether you will accept my words or not, I must speak the truth as I see it! Which is why-" At that moment, Richard heard footsteps coming this way. One of these sets where from heavy boots like an officer's, meaning that Richard needed to work fast. "Which is exactly why I must vouch for your actions!" Hurriedly stated Richard as he turned away and assumed a stance at attention. "Follow my lead, Emelia. You have witnessed my posture before so you must emulate it if you wish to succeed at this. I may be a worthless dog, but at least I am capable of helping you in this endeavor!" After saying this, Richard began adjusting his posture to perfection despite the aches and pains, knowing that this was worth any temporary suffering. I must redeem myself in Emelia's eyes! I have to make sure her talents are not wasted! I cannot falter!

Ahh, that was such a good choice, Ark! I'm glad I leave that impression on you and I hope to continue representing such good vibes from here onwards, haha!

Ahh, yes! You've spaced out the text more! Anyways, keep up the good work, man! My heart is nice and toasty from that return to the Dream on Another Shore in both worlds, haha.

Well this looks like fun, haha! I would be honored to receive a theme from you guys. However, you don't need to rush. Take your time, work at your own pace, and do whatever you feel like, haha.

Emelia is just like the others! Just like Lieutenant Timms! Just like... Richard bowed his head in a mixture of impotent rage and shame. Every time; Every single time I try to show people what makes beasts dangerous they ignore it. What is it about Gifted that made them so acceptable? What charm do they have over the pure people that make them ignore our wrongdoings? How can I be the only one who sees this!? Not cursed once by birth, but twice by understanding! I must save them, even if they blind themselves of the truth! "You are correct, Emelia. I am indeed an egotistical fool..." Relented Richard as he loosened his semi-grip with his right hand and proceeded to make his way off of the cot. "I was so absorbed in my own perceptions, I failed to account for how others would see them. I failed to show you what makes us all damned. You would not understand, because you are no monster. You are too pure, Emelia." Richard slowly walked over to his clothing and began putting it on, ignoring the pain in his wounds as he was preoccupied with another, deeper wound. After putting on his uniform once more, Richard stood facing the corner of the room, his posture remaining perfect and stalwart while his head still drooped. "A Gifted saved my life, you say? I have seen a similar Gifted before, you know. They claim time again to only aide people in need... And perhaps that is true," Flatly spoke Richard as his passion seemed oddly absent. "But they are Gifted, Emelia. They have a power that makes them think they are greater than man and they will succumb to their ambitions. They help out of selfish desire; They are fueling a self-serving agenda where you pure worship them like saviors for their contributions. But one day, they will feel shorted. Slighted. Your praise and adoration will no longer be sufficient. We are ravenous wolves, Emelia. We will stop at nothing to take what our power makes us feel we deserve. We cannot escape this, no matter how hard we try." Richard took a deep breath and stayed unnaturally still for awhile, his only movements being his hands slowly going to parade rest in his usual fashion of having his left hand help his right. After a silence that went on for far longer than it should've, Richard snapped his head up to match the rest of his posture. "I joined the force so I could be disciplined and tamed by the pure people. I had to rob myself of any semblance of pride and free will, otherwise I would risk my Gift consuming me," Stated Richard in the same, flat tone. "Stay your blade, Emelia. I am still your monster to command and that will be true as long as I do not falter." After saying this, Richard about faced and stood staring directly at Emelia, the usual light in his eyes having grown dull as his gaze seemed appropriate for a lifeless painting than for a person. Not too long after, Richard started kneeling before Emelia, his right arm resting on his knee while his left arm gave support. "Should the time come when I am overwhelmed by my hubris, I ask that you are capable of dispatching me," Said Richard as if he was a man on his deathbed already. "It should be a simple task, really. You would be the last person I would raise a hand against, Emelia. It would be akin to putting down a rabid dog." I have relinquished myself to you, Emelia. Now do what you will and berate me once more for my insanity in your eyes. Hate me like the others and never let go. You are a real knight while I can only pretend. Do not falter, Emelia. Curse me for deigning to speak to you and cast me away...

She does not understand... Just like the other pure people... Do they know not fear? What clouds their judgment so as to not see the monsters before them!? "You are an officer of the law now, Emelia" Stated Richard as he swallowed hard and turned to once again face her; His gaze showing intensity but seeming to fixate on something not truly there. "You are pure. You are only capable of the wrong doings that humans muster. Gifted... Gifted are ruled by their ability. It is the Gift itself that gives us the dark powers of ambition. Arrogance, tyranny, conceit, cruelty... Us bastards care nothing for those who are not like us. Absolute power corrupts absolutely, Emelia." Richard starts to lift up his right arm, rotating it back and forth to inspect the interconnected scarring along it's length. His eyes grew more and more fiery as his lime-green irises flashed with a mixture of fear and aggression. "I know that it is only a matter of time before my power rules me as well. I try and try to avoid it by serving people like you; people who deserve their lives and are not despots and villains! It is unfair to humanity... My kind are predators and abominations that will stop at nothing to seize superiority," Continued Richard as his pupils seemed to dilate. "I must be the monster humanity can count on, Emelia. I have to save the pure people of Trevalus from my cursed race before they destroy everything we hold dear. You are right in saying a sword is a sword. But this is a hex upon my birthright. An excuse for me to rule over others with impunity!" Richard clenched his right fist as much as he could as he slammed it into the side of his cot, a lime-green projection following it that aided in the process of cracking the wood and spring support. "Look into my eyes and think of my unholy wrath at the Steelsword Pub and tell me I am no monster!" Shouted Richard as he stared at Emelia with the savage gaze of a cornered beast.

I'm game! I'm no beginner to Salem, but I'm not an expert either, haha.