Bearadactyl
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TW: Suicide Mention;
So, a few years back; I had kind of hit this point of absolute rock bottom; I made a post about it here and my overall state after a particularly bad moment, not sure if anyone here totally remembers it or if most who were around when I posted it are still even here.
But, in the post I mentioned where I had gotten to a point where I was ready to take my own life; I had climbed up to the top of a parking garage to jump off but wound up not going through with it.
Today, I revisited that spot for the first time since. I did it with my current love interest; mostly because she wanted to take pictures from the top of the parking garage, the view is actually beautiful. But, getting to the point; on the exact point that I stood the night I wanted to just jump and end it all, someone had carved in to the concrete "Don't Jump."
And, I really don't know how to take it. Or, what to feel. I don't know if it was in response to a stranger who saw me that night, or what. But, I have this heavy feeling from it now. It's not a bad feeling, part of me wants to just believe that even some stranger out there cares about a random person hitting rock bottom like that. And, if that's the case, I wish I could find and thank that person.
I'm in a much better place now, and if anyone wants to ask, yes I'm okay. I'm more okay than I've ever been to be honest.
It's hard to believe I was ever at that point now; between the abuse of my family, the abusive relationship I was in at the time, and just so many more compounding factors from struggling with my own identity and who I am to no one wanting to actually listen or care about what I wanted; the trauma is still there, but now I'm with people who accept and love me for who I am. Both my love interest, and my new friends. And, I really can't believe the difference it makes just having people willing to let me be who I am and still care about me in the end.
I kind of feel like I'm just typing this for typing's sake at this point, but, I needed to let it out somewhere.-
l do remember actually... l was under a different name at that point though. l used ta be known as Hukuna if that sparks any memories, if not no worries~
The reason why's not a story that needs ta be told here however.
l certainly did and each and every time l saw ya again l was happy ta see ya, happy ta know that at very least you fought through another day. l don't truly deal that well with this subject... it hits a bit close ta home for me and with folks l don't know well it feels hard to find the words. But, l'm glad that person put those words there even if you only saw them so much later... even if they weren't truly for you and perhaps another.
Further, l'm glad a memory other than the first can exist in that place for you now. One that tells a much different story, and that you found such a thing on the return.~
and lastly, l'm happy you could post this.
l'm perhaps just some stranger on the internet but... it genuinely fills me with happiness whenever l hear of another like myself who found whatever way they could to climb out of that place. Of another soul that found their way to keep on living~
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