I need some advice (Maybe compassion?)

[Rainlove]

Hi Sweeties,

 

I have this problem that is eating me everyday. Technically, I'm in a community college, and I have only 1 year left to transfer to my dream university. My older/idiot brother want us to move to Orange County which is like 3 hours away from my university. He does have a point since we're living in a very expensive neighborhood. However, he doesn't like the city as well. He wants to move away as far as possible from the city. Basically we're gonna move soon. Even though I did told my family I want to go to my dream university, they said I'm being too dramatic and I can just go to another university. I'm so down right now because all my friends are going to that university. I have big chance of being accepted as well.

 

I feel like Squidward. My hopes and dreams are about to buried ;-(

[Guest]

Hi there,

 

I know stuff like that can be hard. Sometimes in life sacrifices need to be made in order for the greater picture to move more smoothly.

 

Whilst for you, moving to the university that you'd like to go to is your current goal, it might affect your family a bit. 

 

i.e., you going to the university only increases your happiness because you're there with your friends and it's your dream and all that, but your brother is unhappy because he doesn't like the city and it's an expensive neighbourhood, which puts stress on your parents financially, which may eventually end up pushing them emotionally and so on. 

 

Happiness is your goal, but it may compromise your family's happiness overall in the long run. On the other hand, I can understand why you're upset, obviously being denied the place you want to go to is heartbreaking, but another university is on the cards for sure. You'll also make friends there and so on, I'm sure of it.

 

The way I'm putting this is kind of dickish, but I feel like in the long run everyone around you in the household will be happier, as opposed to you being happy outside and then coming home to a miserable household.

 

Your hopes and dreams certainly are not buried, they're just going down a different avenue that you must follow.

 

Good luck

[HongaarseBeer]

Hey, I was thinking, isn't there a possibility for you to move out and move in with other people? Maybe from the same age as you are (in the place where your university is)?

Now, I don't know your financial situation of course, but most of the times it's a lot cheaper to move in with others and share a place than to move somewhere on your own. Plus, you'll meet new friends.

 

In the Netherlands, this is very common and we even have sites for these things. But I don't know where you're from (although I'm guessing the US because I can't think of other countries that have Counties), so I wouldn't know if this is considered normal or if it even exists at all. Since you still have a year before you go to university, you do have a lot of time to find something like this, that is, if it's possible. 

 

I understand the point of view from your parents about going to a different university but I also understand yours. I mean, university will probably be the best time of your entire life and you want to fully enjoy it. 

 

Just know that, wherever you'll end up, there will always be friends for you and in the end, you will probably be okay. It just sucks to make such important decisions

[ZEL]

If moving out and living on your own isn't an option for either of you: Is it in any way possible to find a compromise for you and your brother?
I understand the argument of an expensive neighbourhood as a reason to want to move, as it's important to make sure your living situation is affordable.

So the move itself is probably unavoidable.

 

However, without knowing the details, I can't see a clear reason why either of your wishes should have priority over the other.

Both of you have your wishes because you personally would feel more comfortable with getting what you want/less comfortable if you didn't.

Get the family together and discus: What arguments does your brother have for why he wants to leave the city? What are his exact reasons? And in addition, why does he prefer the other location specifically? And what reasons do you have for wanting to attend this particular university? Why would the possible alternatives be less desirable? What benefits would you gain from this uni? (It's got to be your dream uni for reasons, right?)

I think both of you have reasonable motivations, so it's important you both present the pros and cons either options would have for you.

 

One option could be to move out of the neighbourhood, but to a place that's near enough to allow you to attend the uni. This could solve the financial issue without depriving you of your chance.

I believe the ideal compromise would be a place outside the city that's close enough to make it possible for you to still visit the uni. This would mean that your brother doesn't get to live in his preferred location, but he would get his wish of leaving the city behind, at least. It may mean that you will be a bit inconvenienced in how to get to uni, but you could still attend.

Sometimes there's no perfect solution. The best you can try is to talk it out.

 

The situation does suck, I can completely understand that. Having a chance at going to your dream uni sounds amazing, so I can see why you'd be devastated that it may not be possible.

I do hope you'll find a way that works out for both of you!

Edited February 20, 2017 by ZEL

[Avery]

Now this entirely depends on whether or not your dream university has a dormitory system, but most four-year institutions in the States do. If your family wants to move out of your city, could you not sign a room and board contract with your dream university? They can move off to Orange County, and you can stay at your university? I'm off to university this August, and that's exactly what I'm doing. The downside here is that room and board costs considerably more than just studies and living off-campus. This can be overcome though with financial aid from the Federal Government. I can't stress this enough, please please please make sure you file the Free Application for Federal Student Aid (FAFSA). It opens for 2018 in October 2017 and the deadline is in March of 2018, but it would be a good idea to check it out now. Also, 99.99% of universities offer their own need-based and academic scholarships. Be sure to do research on your dream university's financial aid opportunities, and perhaps call their admissions office for more information. The College Board also offers interesting third party scholarship contests from philanthropists and organizations across the country. It's a little daunting to look through all of their choices, but you'll probably find a diamond that you're well suited to winning. There are more resources than these that I rattled off, and the smaller awards can really add up over time. I would talk to your academic counselor and head down to your student services offices sometime soon, they're here to serve you and can really shine some light on your options. After all, I'm no expert.

 

If this impossible, and you decide to stay with your family, there are always other universities. If the friend connection is the reason this is your dream school, you will make tons of new friends wherever you go. You do you. Friends come second to the academics and fit of the university. I had my heart set on a certain college when I was touring last summer. After doing more research, weighing the opportunities and experiences that several universities would give me, I found that another one would provide me with a better start to my life. Even if you're looking at your dream university from an objective view, there is an ocean of options out there. There's one that will fit perfectly for you. Whether that be at your dream university, or at another one that's closer to your family.

 

EDIT: americorp.gov is a great opportunity to raise money for college expenses. They recruit you to work community service projects for the summer, and by the end you are awarded with a $3000 grant to use for room and board, books, tuition, etc.

Edited March 11, 2017 by Avery

[Candy]

Doesn't your dream uni offer dorms? 

(From a person who's going into senior year, and will have lived all 4 years in on-campus housing)