[CW] Galloping Gabriel

[Ice Cream Sand Witch]

Galloping Gabriel is one of the most bizarre criminals, if he could even be considered a criminal. He doesn’t attack people (or other animals), steal or vandalize property, drive while drunk, or do illegal drugs. He breaks into houses while the residents are away and puts tape measures in their refrigerators.

Gabriel makes his “deliveries” in his neighborhood, on the first Saturday of every month. Tomorrow happens to be the first Saturday of this month.

Gabriel is thrilled. Not only because of tomorrow, but also because due to the fact that he got an A on his physics test. Gabriel was never particularly good at physics in high school. He had a difficult time memorizing the various formulas. He barely managed to pass, having ended the year with a 62%.

This would discourage most people from attempting the class again, but Gabriel, while not planning on becoming a physicist, wants to have a better understanding of the subject. During the first few weeks of the class Gabriel was terrified, but now he enjoys going. Even his professor is impressed by how much he’s improved since the start of the semester.

Gabriel is as nervous as he is thrilled, though. He knows that no matter how cautious he is, there’s no guarantee that someone isn’t watching as he picks the lock of someone’s house and enters. He also knows that if a confrontation were to occur, he wouldn’t be able to talk his way out of it or keep his composure, being a terrible liar. Still, though, he couldn’t leave his massive supply of tape measures just lying in his house where it would probably never be used. Gabriel went to sleep, hoping for the best.

He woke up the next day at 6:00 AM to the sound of his alarm clock and turned it off. He didn’t like waking up this early, especially on the weekend, but he needed a few hours to mentally prepare himself.

At 10:45 he started filling his backpack with tape measures, and at 11:00 he put on his watch and began his self-assigned task. Since he doesn’t have a specific stopping time (every empty house gets one tape measure), he doesn’t need a watch, but he likes to see how long it takes him to go around the neighborhood. So far, his best time has been 1 hour and 26 minutes.

Gabriel galloped to his neighbor’s house, picked the lock, galloped to the refrigerator, opened his backpack and placed a tape measure in the fridge. He never had to worry about his neighbor arriving home as he was entering or leaving his house, because his neighbor worked on Saturdays (as a waiter at a local Italian restaurant). Today, he also wouldn’t have to worry about many other neighbors catching him in the act due to a highly anticipated concert taking place in the city.

As he continued galloping from house to house putting tape measures in refrigerators, Gabriel only saw four driveways that had cars parked in them.

After every vacant house had a tape measure in its refrigerator, Gabriel checked the time on his watch. Amazed at first that it was only 11:48, Gabriel remembered that he didn’t spend nearly as much time checking if anyone was watching or had noticed him since most of the people that live in the neighborhood were at the concert. He was nonetheless happy at having broken his record and headed home with a smile on his face.

As he was about halfway home, though, he noticed that one of the four previously occupied driveways was now empty, so he decided that he would go to this one too. Before he could pick the lock, however, the door opened and knocked Gabriel down. As he was getting up, the owner of the house stepped onto the porch and Gabriel recognized him as his old physics teacher from high school.

“Mr. Gumstead! I-I’m sorry! Please let me explain!”

“That’s for almost failing my class! Seriously, though, I saw you making your rounds when I was staring out my window. After you moved on to the houses beyond these, I parked my car in my garage. I wanted to see if you would notice and come here. Why exactly are you putting tape measures in everyone’s refrigerators?”

“Eight months ago, I fell for a telemarketing scam. I thought I would get $10,000, but I got 10,000 tape measures instead. I don’t have a use for all of it, so it just takes up a lot of space. This is the only solution I could come up with. Also, I thought you should know that I’m retaking physics in college and I have an A right now!”

“That’s fantastic! I’m proud of you! Keep up the good work. As for the tape measures, I’m willing to take them off your hands. How much would you like for them?”

“You can have them for free.”

“Are you sure?”

“Yes. I imagine everyone’s getting annoyed at this by now, and I don’t think it’s fair that someone should have to pay me to get this to stop.”

Gabriel showed Mr. Gumstead to his house. It took several trips to get all of the cardboard boxes of measuring tape from Gabriel’s house to Mr. Gumstead’s. They were both glad that the problem was solved, and their neighbors would be glad to stop finding measuring tape in their refrigerators on the first Saturday of every month.