Alphagar Posted August 2, 2017 Share Posted August 2, 2017 (edited) Ok, so...I just feel the need to rant... I have been dealing with my parents divorcing for over...idk a year now...and I hate getting repeatedly drug into the middle of it. My dad is being a total asshole and has barely said a handful of words to me in over a year or more. LOOOONG story short...this was around the beginning: My mom told me she suspected my Dad was cheating on her...and tried therapy and everything...but he refused to go and gave up on their marriage. I call my mother multiple times over the course of this happening...idk like a year. My sister gets on my ass saying to stay out of it because I called her upset and wanting to talk. She told me that its all mom's fault and its the meds she is taking for depression/anxiety. That dad is 500k in debt and gonna loose the house and all this other bs because of his marriage to my mother. And then when I tell her she's never home according to my parents she's all "Be quiet at least I am doing something with my life." He refused to say I love you to my mom anymore because he tells her she has to earn it. That's not something you tell to someone who you love and have been with for 23 years. My mom said that he even has my sister against her now convinced that she's crazy. He complains about her spending which yes it can be excessive yet he can waste money on weed and booze. So my mom has no money and no one to stay with. I'm trying to get her to stay with family up there or go be with her sister for a while in Pennsylvania. But she has a job and responsibilities and he still expects her to pay everything even though she took a $10,000 pay cut this year. He has a job and gets hazard pay as well as his pension. He makes more than enough this is complete bullshit. He just generally has treated her like shit...for like...ever... He had...41 calls to a female friend in one moth when he barely talks on the phone to his family...He has everyone convinced that my mother is crazy. He doesn't believe that fibromyalgia a real disease. He tells people she is making EVERYTHING up for attention. Her pain...their problems...everything. Anyways, fast forward to today: He has been in a heated battle with my mother over the divorce. He refuses to sign any papers or appear in court. He won't give her the money the court ordered him to and keeps trying to make my mother pay the bills for a house HE lives in. She moved out after his gf came around and they started the divorce process. He then proceeded to let his new gf move in almost immediately after my mom left...who had the balls to tell my mom she couldn't come in the house ever...like even to get her shit? Idk...So my Dad decided...hey...she left her shit here...so I am going to burn it. He burned an ENTIRE collection of Steven King Books and other stuff my mom had left behind. He ignores most of the family now and just fucking acts like everything is hunky dory...when it totally isn't. So my mom had to AGAIN get the court to make him do something...so now...he has to appear in front of the Judge and sign the papers or he will get in huge trouble...He calls my mother and leaves her nasty voicemails claiming she stole his motorcycle...(which was a gift from her to him that she offered to let him take over the lease for...but he wanted to keep it under her name and just pay it when he could...thankfully my mom said hell no.) when she sold it to get an apartment. Then...he put the family dog down without letting her know enough time in advance to be there...R.I.P. Cynamon...and now he juts fucking ignores the last dog in the house. Thankfully my sister took the third dog when she moved out. Speaking of...all of this comes to my sister getting married this month. My father...who hasn't called or anything for Christmas or Birthdays for like three years (besides one text this year) tells me everytime I call him...or rather used to...that all I ever want is something from him...which is total crap...but whatever...My sister offered to pay half of the plane ticket for me to go to her wedding and I can't even imagine trying to ask my father to help with the other half. He might finally help...but only after putting down my mother for over an hour and lying to my face. I found decent tickets...the problem is I can not travel alone. My gf is basically my caretaker at the moment with all of my health problems and waiting on SSI. So, I can get my ticket...but now we are stuck trying to figure out what the fuck to do now... And just...FUCK. He makes me so goddamed angry...like...I trusted him. I looked up to him. He has been my hero for a long time...especially since he stepped up to be my father when my biological Dad told my mom to choose between having me or staying with him...but fuck...My sister is finally seeing him for who he is...which is good...he had her wrapped around his little finger forever...like...she worships the ground he walks on...and has said...everything that he does isn't his fault because of his PTSD. He was in the Navy for 20 years and does suffer from it...but refuses to take meds or go to counseling. He just...smokes and drinks with his clingy new gf and apparently buys two new cars and remodels the house despite claiming to have no money because of my mom. Oh, and multiple trips out of state on his other motorcycle. Anyways, back on topic. He was supposed to take my sister and her fiancee to the ship for their honeymoon but calls last month (despite having this planned forever) that he found cheap tickets to a Yankee game and is going there instead so he can't take them anymore... Like...Wtf? I thought I knew him...and now...I just feel betrayed... That's it for now I guess...*Sighs* Later everyone. Sorry for the shitty long post full of plenty of grammatical errors I am sure. Edited August 2, 2017 by Alphagar Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PokeFailure Posted August 2, 2017 Share Posted August 2, 2017 Channel your anger into something, Anger is an annoying yet useful emotion. Sorry you had to go through most of those experiences, sounds like hell. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wolfox Posted August 2, 2017 Share Posted August 2, 2017 Wow... that's a lot of baggage... I can;t offer many things to say, other than if you need someone to talk to, my PM box is always open if you need to or wanna talk about stuff. Also, no offense if that can be taken, but your dad sounds like an oetlul (I'll keep it dutch to censor myself) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Maelstrom Posted August 2, 2017 Share Posted August 2, 2017 The advice I'd give you is to be at court whenever they're there and look at all the evidence for yourself. I feel like there is more to both sides of the story that you don't know because both don't like each other anymore and both of them want to be the ones in the right. And hurt each other by making you and your sister pick sides at all. I don't know how accurate everything is that you're saying and I suspect you don't know for sure except for what bits you may have witnessed first hand. They're gonna try to sift through the facts in divorce court so, again, you'd better keep your ears open. 4 hours ago, Alphagar said: He refused to say I love you to my mom anymore because he tells her she has to earn it. That's not something you tell to someone who you love and have been with for 23 years. People's feelings do change. And love IS earned. They clearly don't get along or like each other anymore, so what does the 23 years have to do with it? It's in the past. It isn't what is true now. Does your mom want him to say that to her or do you want him to say that to her? I really can't tell who is bad news here- your mom, your dad, or a bit of both. What is the truth? You'd know some of it better than me, but all of this is basically heresay to my outsider's point of view. Both have major issues that keep them from acting and making sane decisions 100% of the time. You need to keep your cool and take your time to review everything objectively before making any big decisions. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alphagar Posted August 3, 2017 Author Share Posted August 3, 2017 I had a shitty night with little sleep...but I am feeling better this evening. I don't live with them, they are in a different state. My sister can't help with the plane tickets anymore, so at least I can stop worrying about that bullshit. I still think my father is an asshole...but whatever. Thanks everyone for your responses. <3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cataline Posted August 3, 2017 Share Posted August 3, 2017 There's a lot to say but I'll stick with a couple things. >Yea. I think your dads an ass. Here's a tip -- PTSD and other mental illnesses and traumas can be reasons, or factors, but excuse this? He has done too many things for it to excuse him. Your mom may not be mentally ok either but has tried to fix things. From what you say, he avoided it (if he wanted to leave he could of but he stayed even when unfaithful??? Uhh??), he destroyed her things, ignores court orders?? I'm sorry he was once a better guy because always being an ass is one thing, but having someone you cared for turn on you is.. bad. >Love is something you earn I suppose-- but the context there sounds threatening. Like I will only love you if you do what I want. Sounds controlling and gross. especially considering he doesn't seem to care. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Alphagar Posted August 4, 2017 Author Share Posted August 4, 2017 I totally agree...I just feel so...let down you know? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ADD Charmander Posted August 4, 2017 Share Posted August 4, 2017 Wow, that's one hell of a situation. I'm really sorry for you. That's the thing about family problems, they're all distinctly unique (for the most part) and there's never a clear cut answer of what to do. With your dad continuously complaining, harassing and arguably manipulating your sister, you should probably distance yourself from him. It appears this has been going on for some time so hoping he'll turn around doesn't sound quite promising. The best thing you can do is focus on yourself, I know that's not the greatest, most eye-opening advice to give, but you sound young and the last thing you need to do is get burned out by this. Yeah, it's not easy, but negative relationships tend to act like whirlpools, they'll suck you in if you let them. Better to work on yourself and be there for your mother. Best of luck, I know it's not easy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wolfox Posted August 4, 2017 Share Posted August 4, 2017 I don't know how you feel, but I believe I can understand it since a close friend of mine has a boyfriend who acts not unlike your father did in this situation. and there's only 2 advises I can give: 1) Talk to someone you trust with your life about it, it always makes you feel better. 2) Cut the ties, I hope there's not much else to explain about that one Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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