I'm wasting time. I'm wasting life.

[SHAGGYSmurf]

Yup. I've been using the pandemic as an excuse to keep doing nothing. I don't necessarily feel useless. But I have absolutely no motivation for anything right now. I don't wanna sound lazy, but that's what it is. Procrastination. I mean, I have dreams, I have goals. I have my to-do list and organizer. But for while now, things aren't getting done. It serious, even gaming gets put on hold for no reason. I'm afraid of the repercussions when the time comes where I'm out of resources.

I should point out that my priority is getting a job. I'm not so fresh out of college with a degree, but job hunting isn't going as well as I'd like, in part because I'm not looking hard enough. I used to be on the more extrovert side of life, with confidence and good self esteem. Now, I've adopted a more secluded behavior, with a very subtle and tiny hint of uneasiness (is that a word?) with social interactions that was never there. It shows in interviews, and it's a problem because employers are very crucial about how you present yourself. And where I live, they'll outright ignore any personal values and technical skills, almost rejecting you because you were nervous. That's what it feels like, or maybe that's how it is. Listen to that hypocrisy, talking about personal values and I'm here procrastinating. If I keep this up I'll never be able to move to where I wanna go. I don't wanna stay here, I do love my country, but I want to see if I fit in better somewhere else.

I need a muse. Or divine punishment. Either one will do.

But enough of that. It's just something that had to come out. Now a slap to the face to get my act together, and tomorrow will be another day.

Thanks for reading.