[CW and Feedback] Mind of The Virtuoso

[Noir]

Care to witness the life of a renowned psychotic artist?

Salutations, and here goes.

A useless guy's gotta do what a useless guy's gotta do to at least try and be productive. I have had little leeway for writing recently but figured I'd start something by myself that would be deemed productive. So I've decided to make this: Mind of The Virtuoso.

Some people will scorn or give any obvious first reaction when they see this. Don't worry. I'll give credit for what's not mine right here. This is just a personification of a character that I admire, and he doesn't belong to me in any way apart from my drabble of thoughts that make this series.

Take note that due to the nature of my writing none of the official lore is going to be copy-pasted literally here too. I hope that clarifies things sufficiently.

So let's start by introducing the persona. Anyone who knows League of Legends should know who The Virtuoso is. But for those who don't, here's League's most accurate explanation of who he is:

Jhin is a meticulous criminal psychopath who believes murder is art. Once an Ionian prisoner, but freed by shadowy elements within Ionia's ruling council, the serial killer now works as their cabal's assassin. Using his gun as his paintbrush, Jhin creates works of artistic brutality, horrifying victims and onlookers. He gains a cruel pleasure from putting on his gruesome theater, making him the ideal choice to send the most powerful of messages: terror.

As Hukuna would best put it from our conversation a while back, trying to think and write through the thoughts of someone as criminally insane as Jhin stands as a very steep challenge, but personally a very interesting one. Thinking of personal monologue from some character backgrounds, I've had a few options to choose from such as Nasus, Riven and Yasuo with their respective pasts. Regardless, Jhin, while arguably (or unequivocally) the most difficult to write, was my preferred champion to write of here. I consider myself a Jhin main as I've been utterly enthralled by his design and character even since his release ( as well as the best login music Riot has ever offered so far). Interest sparks motivation, so while it's not really original (the characters and background, for the most part) it's good writing practice, to test a new form of writing style (first person), to use time productively and avoid procrastination, etc.

I know my writing is shit substandard and rinky-dink, and this isn't exactly as appealing as other works here, but bear with me. I need to improve if I'm going to fit in. Criticism would help out so I can reevaluate myself.

Note: The first Chapter -- the Prologue -- and other chapters -- will be posted below with GoogleDocs because my chapters tend to be very long.

So sit back, and I hope you enjoy the show!

Edited May 14, 2016 by YagamiNoir4896

[Noir]

Mind of the Virtuoso

Since the persona is a four fanatic (literally, an obsession to the number four) I've decided to adhere to his fascinations and make chapters go like this. Links to each chapter will be placed beside the chapter listings below. An arc will feature four chapters before a new arc begins.

Prologue: The Becoming

I : I am Jhin

II : Whisper

III: Death in Four Acts

IV: Curtain Call

Act I : Ionia: The Performance Begins

I : A Visage without Eyes - Lee Sin

II: A Quiver without Stride - Varus

III: A Star without Dazzle - Soraka

IV: A Crest without a Gleam - Karma

Act II: Noxus: A Gauche Canvas

I: The Sinister Blade - Katarina

II: The Conspicuous Performer - Draven

III: He Who Almost Stole my Canvas - Singed

IV: Who's the Madder One? - Mundo

Special Act: The Eye, the Shadow, and the Fist

Edited August 5, 2016 by YagamiNoir4896

[Noir]

First chapter of the Prologue is out. Posts may be given.

Edited May 13, 2016 by YagamiNoir4896

[jodieee]

Hey there, your story's off to a promising start!

I just gotta ask, this story is based off a LoL game character, right? I've never played LoL, so I was wondering if this is a fan-made background story or just a story where he's the main character.

I enjoyed your use of imagery (very rich and vibrant), but at the parts where he dehumanized individuals into puppets and the world into some sort of "canvas" for his 'art' the richness of the imagery combined with his lack of empathy (psychopathy perhaps?) evoked feelings of sickness in me, urk. Also, good use of metaphors. They drive home the fact he's a psycho, and makes me dislike him and hope he gets his just desserts @_@ /cries

About the writing itself--it flowed pretty smoothly and I enjoyed myself but it hit some bumps here and there. If the setting wasn't so obviously in an alternate universe/different era, I would've considered the prose a tad too flowery for first-person POV--but as it currently stands, it certainly makes sense considering who the narrator is (as well).

However, the use of punctuation wasn't appropriate in some contexts, particularly the use of commas. I can collate them when I'm more free if you want.

Some of the words were used strangely, such as these two that particularly stood out to me:

• "a sanguine red" somewhere in the first few pages; I think just sanguine would be sufficient since otherwise it would just be repetition? like "a blood-red red"
• "I watched one of his students charge toward me; the clandestine eyes were soaked with malice" -> as far as I'm aware clandestine is basically synonymous with "secret", so that was kind of an odd phrasing. I would characterize something like, say, a meeting or perhaps a society as clandestine, but not a body part.

I would be interested in reading more, but I have to know: do you already have a clear plot in mind for this story? (Aside from just Jhin killing everyone and becoming the only person alive hopefully, although everyone knows that's his goal...) I don't think I could handle reading further in his perspective without there being one, mainly because my favorite MC narrators are of a certain type and Jhin doesn't fit that casual, orthodox type. ^^" But as long as there's a plot this story will be steered firmly towards, you have my interest!

[Noir]

This is a story whereby in, Jhin's point of view, speaks of his development from the beginning of his life to become the Virtuoso. I intend to give him interactions in all sides in every civilized section of Runeterra with the obvious exception of the Shadow Isles and Shurima. For now, the prologue will speak of his childhood and how he has escaped, with the next few chapters of the prologue speaking of the creation of his weapons, and his first kills with his improved tech.

From then on the interactions are a toss up. Jhin will either successfully or unsucessfully kill his target be it for himself or his clients (so about from the obvious Zed and Shen, champs like Akali, Lee Sin, Master Yi, Sona, Katarina, Viktor, and many others will spar with him or just get killed) starting with Ionia after his debut in the prologue. My pattern will center around four chapters in each region (so there's gonna be four Demacia, Noxus, Zaun, etc centered chapters) since he does roam around and does kills in nations. Might even do more if I find it my fancy. Jhin will not always successfully kill his desired targets (particularly champions) but will have success in some, and will escape/elude any failed "performance." The ending of this will probably center around Jhin -- after finishing all his relevant masterpieces and finishing his career -- to find the "perfect death" he sees for himself. He laughs in game when he dies,meaning he even takes pleasure from his own death; he is intolerant of falling uglily and even if he has to die he will do it beautifully, which is how I intend to end this, if I do.

I appreciate your criticism. Feel free to PM me about the details, and checking dictionaries, you're right about the misuse/redundancy of punctuation. I'll get to work on it later.

[jodieee]

Thanks for the overview! Augh, Jhin sounds really twisted. I'll have to see if I can keep up with this. All the best with writing!

[Noir]

To clarify another thing, Jhin isn't literally "dehumanizing" his victims. He treats them as puppets metaphorically and with contempt in that they are tools for his work.

And the sanguine thing: I presume you got it from this sentence?

"Blood emerged from each puppet like a wondrous display as they decorated the golden hue of the harvest with a sanguine red"

In this case, sanguine is more of a supplementary/descriptive word than a noun in itself. Taking off the red would make the sentence sound odd.

I have used sanguine individually in another message as well:

"Every composition I composed was one of sanguine, leaving behind fitful traces of my work as minds were shattered and corpses were twisted to my liking"

Sanguine can act as both a noun and an adjective here, which is why red isn't needed.

Edited April 26, 2016 by YagamiNoir4896

[Noir]

Prologue II is now out. It took a while of procrastination and thinking to complete (and there still might be issues that my sleepy form will recheck tommorrow morning) but I finally completed it.

Please enjoy and provide critique.

BWAHAHAHAHA HAHA

[Noir]

Chapter Three is now out, and new Chapter reveals, a new banner, and other things have been polished.

Also, how nice it is to spend my 400th post here.

[Noir]

Shame that I couldn't spend my 444th post here, but I've added overall plans and revamped a bit of stuff in the few chapters. Chapter 4 is released also.