...We're pretty similar as well.
I have total recall. I don't forget those stupid mistakes, whether it's a question I messed up on a test, an embarrassing moment in front of a friend or something more serious, like making friends with a person you wish that you could un-meet for the sake of your sanity. I've tried to learn as much as I could from the last kind of situation so that I don't go through the same pain. I like to think that everything I've been through has made me kinder.
Mood swings. Yeah, I get that. A friend of mine told me that they never knew how I'd be when they saw me. One day, I might be skipping down the road in happiness. The next, I'd be holding back my tears, hoping that none of my friends would notice. It's not even a day to day thing, it changes by the hour, the very minute, maybe mere seconds. They always do notice when I'm upset though.
I suppose that this counts as at least one way in which we're different. I've never been good at hiding my feelings from people once they know my tells. My brain's wired differently, so it takes people a good amount of time to figure out my expressions, but as soon as they do, I'm transparent. It's probably because I didn't need to disguise them, nobody else cared anyway.
But you can find friends who stick around during the rough patches. My current friends are good ones. They've been there for me in my worst moments and they've been around to see my best. They're there when I want to hang out, and there when I need to talk to someone. That's what friendship is. I even like someone who reciprocates those feelings, although how that progresses is something that only time can tell.
You're not a stupid kid. You're human, and your concerns are valid. You're not useless, you're not a hindrance, you're not worthless. Nobody is. If no one in real life cared, I'm sure that I speak for everyone here when I say that someone would, even if it's just an online friend. And if you died, someone would care. Someone would definitely care.
Don't hold it all in, Juu. It'll only hurt you in the long run.
I can't give you advice. All I can do is relate to what you're going through, and I'm sorry for that. I would like to help, I really would, I love helping people, but sometimes all you need is a person to rant to and not judge, and that I can do. If you ever need to talk, I'm always ready to listen whenever I can.
Thank you for venting to us.