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smeargletail

loss of trust for a family member

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I'm reluctant to post this but I feel I need to talk about it. I know others have talked about personal matters on these forums. Apologies for punctuation and the occasional spelling errors grammar was my worst subject. This topic deals with some hard subjects so turn away if you if you have had traumatic things happen like abuse, lost custody or suicide as I will touch upon those things slightly.

 

Okay this has to do with my half-sister, there was a time where she was a good person during her late teens if I remember correctly. She was very talented with photographic memory but didn't wish to use it. This was something that is somewhat of a subject of resentment. She did get into drugs loosing her son to the fathers side of the family we haven't seen him for 10 years now he'd be 12. This was a turning point. Okay skip ahead to 2009 she got a apartment near us and had a decent job well this was the first case of me and my mother being used she would come over a lot and use the computer. We had the first of many fights because she would use it constantly and act like no one was there in the house. She lost her job because of not showing up leaving the apartment most likely from staying up on the computer. Leaving apartment without letting the landlord know mom lose a big lump some of furniture she had bought for my sister.

 

Skip to 2014 my sister let me come over to her new husbands house for my birthday she yelled at me for not drinking a activity that I never wish to do and she knew it. She would also have numerous fights with my mother ( my mom is the most important person in my life) throwing me into a number of emotions because all I wanted was to have things to work out among us at the time. Skip again to the most recent year she has now left her husband and moved into the apartments again and knowing she tried to commit suicide leaving what she said was a abusive relationship I did have concern but, little because this the year is where I started to feel a bit of fake feelings and manipulation from her when family reached out.(please know I'm not trying to make light of abuse or suicide). She didn't have a job at this point so I let her “borrow” 100 dollars which took like 5 months to pay back 80 of it still missing 20.

I work part time for other personal reasons which I do not wish to discuss but that aside I do have a lot saved back for the sake of feeling secure. My sister whom I did love at one point she's “borrowed” things from me my mother and her side of the family like said before. This was something that was troublesome and became more apparent but endured all the same. For some reason I would let her “borrow” these things sadly in hopes that maybe she'd talk to me and treat me like a brother. Most of the time shes behind her phone downstairs. This happened a few times first with the 100 then she borrowed sweatshirts and another 50. Again hoping that some conversation would be made and be cared about but nothing. Finally I broke and texted her that I was tired of feeling used and all that was given was that I was a “Asshole”.

 

Should I look past the being used since she suffers from depression and Anxiety( something I also suffer from) and not have resentment for the rage shes had at me in past because by her accounts she's lost her (hateful) ego. Please let me know she's yet to return 70 bucks and I feel the loss of caring. Am I in the wrong to feel absolute hatred and hurt. She will gain a job and loose it just as quick in some cases not showing up or quitting and not telling the employer this has happened at least 3-4 times in the past 5 months. Again Somewhat a resentful subject as she has a easy time getting jobs and it took me forever to get one and would never think of quitting.

 

TL;DR how do you care about someone that never treats you like you exist only whenever they need something from you? Or Am I deserving of it for lettering her constantly borrow from me.

 

My heart is eternally grateful for those that endured my rambles and woes however incoherent they may be with long paragraphs and run on sentences.

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Although I cant really say that I've been in the same situation as you, nor can I say I understand exactly how you feel, I at least understand the situation you're in. Something very similar happened with my grandfather and still continues to this day. He's lied on numerous occasions, stolen whenever he would visit, and whenever we see him, he's completely trashed. For the past 10 years or so we've tried to get him to therapy or some form of help but he's always ignored it and stays the same. For your half-sister, if she still is suffering from suicidal tendencies, or even drug/alcohol problems, at least reach out and suggest therapy. I can guarantee she may feel offended by that suggestion and immediately refuse it, but if you or your family can somehow explain to her that it's because you care for her (regardless of whether you truly do or not) then it'll help her out in the long run. With all of that going on in her life, it seems a bit expected for everything to crash and burn with her, but if she at least considers therapy of some sort, that would be one step closer to fixing her problems. If she flat out rejects the idea and would continue to do so, then unfortunately, it's out of your hands. Just always be open regardless of what she says or what you personally think in your mind, but if at any point she actually needs the help, and you turn her down, thats the end of it. As you said, it's a touchy subject, and my opinion might be a bit touchy too, but I would honestly give this a shot and hopefully it turns out in everyone's favor. Wishing the best for you all ✌️

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thanks for sharing we have suggested she get help but she doesn't go even way back when she did drugs she left the facility which resulted in loosing my nephew to the other side of his family. At this point my main concern is her kids she's had 2 since loosing my nephew and she treats them like everyone else hiding behind a phone not talking much unless she needs something. I will no longer give her things but after texting her that she used me, I did tell her my concern for her was now for her to improve for her kids sake. Hoping she gets the picture and treats those around her with care. I don't want her to lose anymore children due to action weather or not they be intentional nor do I want those around her to feel used by her making a hard delima of morality. Thanks for taking the time to response.

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Do you by chance have any other family members that would be willing to take care of the kids if things get too out of hand? I really think that would be something else to look into, that way you guys wouldn't have to call child protection or worst case scenario have someone else outside of your family call them. 

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