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Nagisa Hideyoshi's Fanfic: Comments, review and notifications


Nyaagisa The Maid

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Hello, Nagisa Hideyoshi here.

 

Any comment or review about my fanfiction is here. Well, I don't have much talent in writing but I hope you guys could give feedbacks, whether good or not.

 

Any notifications about the fanfic is also here. Also, don't expect new chapter out so fast. I'm a working adult so, work takes priority but I promise that this could go on ...

 

Read my fanfic here:
http://www.rebornevo.com/forum/index.php?/topic/23119-nagisa-hideyoshis-fanfic-tale-of-the-weakest-champion/

 

If you think it's interesting, feel free to add some spice to it by giving suggestions too ...

 

"Trap is life, Trap is love"- Nagisa Hideyoshi

 

Edited by Nagisa_Hideyoshi
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I read a good bit of your fanfic and I noticed a couple recurring problems.  Your paragraphs are good, but your sentences often need to be broken up a little bit; Try using more commas, it'll make it easier to read.  On the other hand, it's pretty easy to overdo it, so be careful.  

Also, some of the sentences have a strange 'cadence' when you read them.  If you're not sure about a sentence, try saying it aloud--you can alter it verbally and then type that in.

Other than that, and a couple small grammar issues, your writing seems pretty good.  Keep it up!

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1 hour ago, Nagisa_Hideyoshi said:

Imagination only won't produce a good writing ~

...I'll try not to take offense to that.

Since that's all I end up doing XD

Seriously, though, I've found that if you can't read your sentence aloud in one comfortable breath, then there's often something you need to change.  It's a neat little trick you can use for 'pacing' your sentences.

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  • 3 weeks later...

Also, I just had an idea.  I have a lot of free time lately (winter break and all.)  Since I'm good with grammar/vocabulary and such, if you want, I could proofread your work, edit it, and then you and I could go over what I changed and we can tweak it to where you like it.  That way you don't have to worry about grammar as much, and I'd have spent my free time well.

Just a thought~

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Sorry for my late reply. I just too absorbed writing a prologue for my web novel series, now with grammar check by Word! (lol).

Thanks for the offer, I could use some grammar/vocab help since I'm not a native speaker as well. I don't even remember when the last time my house has a dictionary.

And yes, I'll send you some draft (if I have one) for you to proofread. Maybe I should ask other Reborn authors as well.

 

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