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bobthebobby

Dealing with a rejection.

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First off I want to start off by saying I've never been in an relationship so I don't know what a breakup is like but I can imagine its 10 times worse. Still being rejected by a girl I really like has really gotten me down.

As a guy i've never been much for finding a hook up or a girlfriend. I kinda enjoy the single of life because its really relaxing no drama and plenty of free time. I have know alot of attractive girls but I never go for them not because I'm shy but just because I dont feel the need to. For a long time i thought there was something wrong with me because when girls come to try to make out with me at parties I'd turn them down and I've never had feelings for anyone.

 

Everything changed when I met this one girl. Shes not the most attractive girl so I didn't think much at first. As I started talking to her, her personality really started to shine. Shes the nicest, sweetest, most sincere, most hardworking and caring person I know. I truly believe that I'll never meet someone like her in my life again. I had and still have a huge crush on her. I really feel like im in love with her but I know thats probably just me being irrational. Shes always on my mind and its been like this for the past 5 months. I'm a sophomore in college and I've never felt like this in my life. Every time I see her smile its the most happy moment in my life but also the saddest because I know she will never be mine. I've been hitting on her and trying to show I'm interested for a long time. I knew she picked up on the hints and turned me down but I still had to just be honest with her to tell her how I feel. I got rejected pretty hard and so here I am.

 

I can't stop spending time with her because of how much I like her but I also really think its healthier for me to forget about her. At the same time as much as I want to date her having a friend like her would be more than fine for me. I don't know what to do in this situation. Do I keep talking to her as a friend? Or should I try to cut her off (in which case I feel is unfair to her because we really vibe and she doesn't have alot of close friends I'm one of her few). I also don't know if i'm capable of cutting her off just because of how much I like her.

 

Everything hurts, it feels like shes the only thing that matters in life. People say time melts the pain away but its been 2 months since the rejection and It hasn't gotten any better. I don't know what to do.

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1 hour ago, bobthebobby said:

First off I want to start off by saying I've never been in an relationship so I don't know what a breakup is like but I can imagine its 10 times worse. Still being rejected by a girl I really like has really gotten me down.

As a guy i've never been much for finding a hook up or a girlfriend. I kinda enjoy the single of life because its really relaxing no drama and plenty of free time. I have know alot of attractive girls but I never go for them not because I'm shy but just because I dont feel the need to. For a long time i thought there was something wrong with me because when girls come to try to make out with me at parties I'd turn them down and I've never had feelings for anyone.

 

Everything changed when I met this one girl. Shes not the most attractive girl so I didn't think much at first. As I started talking to her, her personality really started to shine. Shes the nicest, sweetest, most sincere, most hardworking and caring person I know. I truly believe that I'll never meet someone like her in my life again. I had and still have a huge crush on her. I really feel like im in love with her but I know thats probably just me being irrational. Shes always on my mind and its been like this for the past 5 months. I'm a sophomore in college and I've never felt like this in my life. Every time I see her smile its the most happy moment in my life but also the saddest because I know she will never be mine. I've been hitting on her and trying to show I'm interested for a long time. I knew she picked up on the hints and turned me down but I still had to just be honest with her to tell her how I feel. I got rejected pretty hard and so here I am.

 

I can't stop spending time with her because of how much I like her but I also really think its healthier for me to forget about her. At the same time as much as I want to date her having a friend like her would be more than fine for me. I don't know what to do in this situation. Do I keep talking to her as a friend? Or should I try to cut her off (in which case I feel is unfair to her because we really vibe and she doesn't have alot of close friends I'm one of her few). I also don't know if i'm capable of cutting her off just because of how much I like her.

 

Everything hurts, it feels like shes the only thing that matters in life. People say time melts the pain away but its been 2 months since the rejection and It hasn't gotten any better. I don't know what to do.

First and foremost, I'm very sorry to know your pain. There's never an easy way around relationships, but I do commend you for giving it a shot. Must have taken a lot of courage to do it, and I'm talking from experience because I wasn't brave enough hehe As for whether to keep her as a friend or not, I think it's more a question of mutual decision. I did turn down a guy once, because although I enjoyed time with him, I couldn't let go of... shall we say "past" for the edgy teens here 😉 Anyhow, when I turned him down, I told him that I'd gladly continue the friendship, and at first he agreed to it but it slowly faded to oblivion. We're only acquaintances now. So it'll all depend on whether you can reconcile yourself to leave hope of romance and become friends again, AND whether she can stop seeing you as the guy who is in love with her. Try talking to her, maybe? It might be awkward, but there's no other way... and if you can't agree on the friendship, then I'd say it's as you say. Let her be, and find enjoyment in being single again, even if it's difficult.

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Don't struggle to brush it off. Take the pain in the gut and the sorrow, head on. Cry, shout, burst, leave it all out! 

 

Eventually, you will slowly start to cool off, your feelings will diminish and pain will transmute into experience. At that point, you will choose to remember a tiny hint of that person in your memories, or delete any hint concerning, forever. And MOVE ON.

 

I had a disastrous story recently with another person... The more intensely i let my feelings explode outwards, the quicker i escaped the quagmire; and no mistake. At least, she didn't abuse, deceive, manipulate you... Or cheat on you, for that matter. Give yourself a hug, bro and cut yourself some slack. Use "Protect" and "Recover" TMs. You will need those for all "battles" afterwards. NEVER use "Selfdestruct" or something...

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you got of quite easy overall, as it could have been much, much, much worse (look at me about 2 months ago), but overall a rejection still is not fun. and the only tip I can give is that time will heal the wound. Just don't let it disheart you (funny how of all people I'm the one to say this) and better luck next time (or, at least better luck than I usually have)

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On 11/19/2018 at 8:56 PM, Candy said:

First and foremost, I'm very sorry to know your pain. There's never an easy way around relationships, but I do commend you for giving it a shot. Must have taken a lot of courage to do it, and I'm talking from experience because I wasn't brave enough hehe As for whether to keep her as a friend or not, I think it's more a question of mutual decision. I did turn down a guy once, because although I enjoyed time with him, I couldn't let go of... shall we say "past" for the edgy teens here 😉 Anyhow, when I turned him down, I told him that I'd gladly continue the friendship, and at first he agreed to it but it slowly faded to oblivion. We're only acquaintances now. So it'll all depend on whether you can reconcile yourself to leave hope of romance and become friends again, AND whether she can stop seeing you as the guy who is in love with her. Try talking to her, maybe? It might be awkward, but there's no other way... and if you can't agree on the friendship, then I'd say it's as you say. Let her be, and find enjoyment in being single again, even if it's difficult.

I appreciate the advice, definitely taking it to heart. Its just so heart forcing yourself out of something when your so invested and all our hormones are just messing with your head. I guess theres no magic way to make all the pain go away either. I think im going to pay some attention to myself and try to do some self improvement as well, maybe if i keep talking to her ill have a chance way down the road, or even if not doesn't hurt. 

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1 minute ago, bobthebobby said:

I appreciate the advice, definitely taking it to heart. Its just so heart forcing yourself out of something when your so invested and all our hormones are just messing with your head. I guess theres no magic way to make all the pain go away either. I think im going to pay some attention to myself and try to do some self improvement as well, maybe if i keep talking to her ill have a chance way down the road, or even if not doesn't hurt. 

Only thing though, be observant. If she doesn't feel comfortable talking to you, she might not say so outright but you might be able to judge from her body language / tone. So do as you say, try and keep talking to her as long as she feels ok with it 🙂 good luck, comrade~

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I honestly feel considering it's a rejection - you should let her go. You might think that being friends with her is a good idea as you are enthralled about this girl. Staying close to the girl despite rejection reflects weak behavior and can cause a great deal of uncomfortableness. Things also may not be the same as you expected it to be as she knows you like her and might be hesitating in what she does, which is not a good thing for you or for her. It stresses her out because she has to be careful what she says so that she doesn't lead you on.

 

It all depends on what you want, though. If you really think you are both okay with it, it isn't impossible. The thing I'm trying to say is feelings are hard to neglect when that person is always in front of you, and you will think of what could have been.

 

The most important tool a person can have in a relationship is the power to walk away. You are your own person and your strength should be based on yourself. Think of her as the one who's truly missed a huge opportunity to date you. Being able to walk away signifies that you do not have infinite time at your disposal, and she will have to make time in her life for you to come. Now that is the true victory.

 

I know it's difficult, and it's very easy to talk about these things - I get extraordinarily hung up over potential partners myself - but practicing these things have really made me feel better about myself - there are millions of wonderful people we haven't met and we put all our eggs in one basket. And truly, when you have a lasting relationship with someone who actually wants to spend time with you, you will feel all the more better instead of having to show that you are around in their life and get them to notice you.

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From what i experienced, all i did was fixing myself to be a better man. Try do some activities that you like and make you a better person ( sports, education etc). I had this issue too but mine's more complicated as i was dumped by a girl for another boy. I then tried on improving my guitar and i started exercising (swimming,weight-lifting and boxing) and a few months later, the girl regretted on dumping me. We are still friends but i have no crush for her anymore. Overall just do your hobbies and you'll forget your rejections

 

Edit: it's normal you are still struggling the rejection for 2 months, i struggled for 3 months which was on summer i think

(sorry if my english is bad, its not my mother language)

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