Advice on how to forget someone

[BandorKitty]

So I know I'm new here, but I don't have many friends that can be relied on to help me in the way I need or give me advice. Its not like I can't trust them, its just that I don't think they could handle me right now or know how to make me feel better. It would only upset them to know I'm feeling this way. So who better to ask than strangers on the internet, right?

 

I need to forget about someone. Someone who has taken hold of my heart for a long time. He doesn't want me in his life anymore, and I respect that. I've "killed" myself (the me that loves him and still wants him) to help me forget about him, and it's working to some degree right now, but I have a feeling that it's going to build up more and more as the days go on and eventually I'm going to break down again. I've known since I was little that I'd never have someone that would love me, so when I found him I was so happy. But now its over and my intuition was right all along. I've lost my one chance at love, and I'm never going to get another chance. Please don't try to convince me otherwise, I've accepted this as fact.

 

I'm asking if anyone knows of any way that can help me forget about him. I'm almost certain I've "killed" myself enough that I've accepted the fact he wants me gone and I don't really feel anything for him anymore, but the feeling that I'm missing something won't go away. I don't know how to fill this void. I'm not good at making new friends offline, so I can't really do that. I can play games (Reborn is actually occupying most of my time now and I'm really happy for that), do my music stuff, hang with family and friends and do other stuff to keep me busy but once I stop and I'm left to my own thoughts everything comes back.

 

This has been going on for months now. I'm not looking for a solution, just some advice. Maybe someone has been through something similar, or can maybe point me to somewhere I'd enjoy myself to help fill the void. Yes, I have been talking to someone about this and it's been helpful, but I want to try something different. From my time here so far this seems like a really nice community, and I'm sorry for spewing out all this word vomit. If you've read this all the way through, thank you.

[PokeFailure]

I'd suggest seeking professional help first if that's an option you'd consider. 

[BandorKitty]

Thanks for your reply.

 

I have been talking to someone, that's why I'd like to try something different. They've been helping me with the emotional depression side of things, but I'd like to know if there's a way to help me forget or fill the void he left behind. Sorry, I'm not good at explaining things.

[....]

Maybe you can try to emancipate yourself from love fully,

I've been there too,and this was the true solution for me~

If you can 'gross' yourself out of romance,it may even seem funny at some point,

Don't direct your thoughts to that person(easy to say i know),just try to focus on concept itself,

If you can view love as stupid chemical reaction,maybe you can really found your inner peace,

 

Hopefully~

[BandorKitty]

@Thundermaze Thanks for the advice. This is what I've been trying to do, but the way you explained it makes it seem a bit easier. Maybe one day I'll succeed.

[Candy]

Just letting you know that you're not alone in this struggle. I have the somewhat embarrassing experience of being in love with someone for 9 years. And it's someone who I didn't go out with.

But you know, something I've learned in these 9 years is that love isn't a static thing. It morphs with time- the love I feel for that person now is more a nostalgia, a dream that I have allowed myself to treasure, unlike the love that I felt back then, when I felt my whole being depended on his every move. I don't know how long you have been in love, but I want you to know that time may not heal the wounds, but it does soothe them.

Also, you mentioned that you know for a fact that this was your only chance at love. I will not say otherwise, for I don't know you personally and couldn't measure the potential in yourself. However, just think of it this way: nothing in life is set in stone. Unless you're God, you don't know what the future holds. Remember, dying by lightning is very unlikely, but not impossible.

[....]

@BandorKitty Believe me you will~

But it's just that you cannot know that or sometimes understand,

There are some questions that drives people insane about love and break-ups,

Will it ever end ?

How much time will it take?

Is it gonna be any less painful ? Etc.etc.etc.

Short answer is :Unkown.

One day you'll wake up and you'll see you don't care like you used to,and in that realization moment you'll understand,you are truly stronger,and carefree,

 

From that day on nobody can scratch your armor anymore,your heart will become steel,and thus you'll understand how meaningless everyting was,

A little patience makes wonders sometimes,

I promise~

[BandorKitty]

@Candy I'm sorry you had to go through that. It no longer hurts for you, right? I hope it doesn't. And thanks for giving me another point of view. I get where you're coming from, and I know I can be happier. I just wish it would happen sooner. 

 

@Thundermaze That is where I want to be. Thanks for your words of wisdom.

[Chase]

First of all - you aren't going to help yourself out with on the logic side of things if you maintain irrational thought.

 

An example is your contention that love won't find you again. Feeling that way is one thing - and certainly holding out hope can be taxing to the heart. However - to think that way is not very logical because it's already happened to you before. In other words - you had already told yourself it wouldn't happen and then it did. The evidence points to the possibility remaining. That's not a promise or an assurance - but it's reality. You could very well be wrong again.

 

---

 

Something that works for me is to not repress how I feel about the person I was in a relationship with. Instead of letting the lack of reciprocation burden my heart, I found solace in that my feelings are still warm for them. When the person is mentioned and my ears perk up and the inevitable memories resurface I indulge in having the opportunity to know someone that would leave an impression on me in the way they had.

 

I've wanted to forget. I've found that personally an unhealthy way to manage pain. My memory is better than I'd like it to be. That means for me - owning my past and reconciling it with myself is the better way to peace.

 

That may not be your situation. In which case, there's more folks here with opinions.

[helix]

my advice is this: get out the house and walk around and think on what you can do now. the options are limitless. love is a chemical that rewrites someones mind to ensure they survive and mate. take it from an acer who has loved  and felt the pain o many wounds to the heart.

 

you hurt now but you will heal, you yearn for them but you will survive. you have a breathe in your body: you will learn that it was a prelude to something bigger. Just endure the withdraws of the drug known as love.

[Sayia]

Playing games and listening to music is a good solution, but only for a while. You really have to take the initiative to people.

There is another way: find your passion. Trust me or not, but it should help you fill the void.

Good luck!

[Ageistal]

I know it's not the answer you're looking for, but sometimes you can't. Maybe, instead of trying to forget them, just come to terms with the fact that they exist. I know it doesn't sound easy, but trust me, once you try, it is.

[Dartu-san]

Hmm well I certainly can't give much advice regarding this matter since I never had any experience of the sort. As much as it is unpratical or unpleasant or brain is connected to our 'heart' in a sense and our emotions will remain an important part of who we are and how we live, however even if forgeting is not an option you just have to find the strenght in you in order to move forward while also trying to relieve the negative emotions that were left in you. As people have said it's good to get some distractions in your life in order to try to take your mind out of it even if it's only temporary.

Romance is most definitely not my area of expertise, but I've been told time and time again either by friends or family that I'm a very good listener, so if you are ever in need I can lend you my hear ^-^ 

[Zarc]

Well , apparently : be here can help sometimes  

[Felicity]

Pop a squat, flick your twat and let the melodrama melt away. Time has a lot of hats, healer, teacher, gigolo.

[starless void]

if your'e alone don't think about him or the love that you had for him focus on other things in your life. i was once depressed and listened to a song for 4 hours on repeat and cried my heart out. the next day i felt better.

[BandorKitty]

@Chase My memory is also much better than I’d like it to be sometimes, so I see what you mean. I’d really like to do what you can, and be able to just indulge in the memories. Maybe later down the track when most of the pain has faded.

 

@helix I’m doing my best, although I’m really limited in what I can do until the end of February. But when that time comes, I’m going to try to make the most of it.

 

@Sayia Thanks for the well wishes. I’ve been trying my best to fill the void with my music lately, but I’ve hit a bit of a writer’s block sadly, which isn’t helping.

 

@Ageistal Sorry, but I’d really prefer forgetting him, since I’m never going to see him anyway. I appreciate the advice though, maybe it will help later on. Thanks.

 

@Dartu-san Do you mind if I take you up on that offer sometime? I’d really like someone to talk to.

 

@Zarc Yeah, being here has been pretty fun. I wasn’t expecting to get so many replies to this, maybe 1 or 2. Thanks for being here for me

 

@Felix~ I don’t know why but that put a smile on my face 😊 Thanks

 

@starless void Thanks for sharing your story. This is what I did the day I first found out, and it really did help.

[Ageistal]

My only advice that can help is just keep yourself safe, don't harm yourself in any way, because you always have friends that are willing to listen, myself included.

[Zarc]

@BandorKitty you're welcome. Even if i'm not really the right person to give advices in term of love

[Dartu-san]

@BandorKitty aye the offer still stands. Just message me whenever you need it. My discord and Skype are also on my profile so feel free to add me if you want to.

[Sayia]

@BandorKitty You can always write to me on PM if you want. Maybe I will not always be able to help you, but I promise to listen to you.

[GenEric]

i mean when i feel unloved i always try to love myself

and it always work

even if no one loves you you still have yourself to love

so good luck! or rise about love and devote to science if u want

[Dragoknight]

I'm not sure if this will help (romance isn't really my area of expertise) but my advise would be to simply go out and do something you enjoy. It may not fill the void, but time mends all wounds. The despair you feel is only temporary. And things will be better.

 

Also, talking always helps and I'm here to listen. 

Good luck with things.

[Alaris]

I agree with some of the comments above. Give yourself some time. At first, try not thinking about him by focusing on other activities: hobbies, working, whatever. Avoid checking his facebook/twitter/... In a year or two you will probably end up accepting the situation ("you" meaning not the conscious you who's writing this, but the one who still feels anxious because of him), probably remembering him with nostalgia and even acknowledge that you learnt many valuable stuff for your life thanks to that relationship. But don't focus on forgetting him; you won't be able to. Just learn to live with it.

 

About the thing that you're not going to find love again... I don't believe it. And in some time you will see why  

[Josef]

You seem to have a pretty low self esteem and sense of self-value. Thats the real problem you are struggling with. You even go as far as to say that you have convinced yourself that no one will ever love you again, despite the fact that you cant possibly know that. Thats quite an amount of hatred you have for yourself. Now you even try to "kill" your old self, because you think he wanted you gone. My question is: Why do you even care about what he wants? Has it ever occurred to you that there might be nothing wrong about you and that in fact he was the problem? Because that guy sounds like a douchebag to me.