I got bored at work, so here's a story about me getting handcuffed by the police

[OraCLesofFire]

I work as a lifeguard at one of the local YMCA's, and we have a 30 minute on/30 minute off schedule. Today is super slow even on the half-hours I work, so I decided to write down a story for y'all to read.

--

 

This is the story of the time I got handcuffed by the cops

 

 

 

So this happened about 2 or 3 weeks ago I think. I like to take my dog out for drives to give me some time alone, and because he absolutely loves the feeling of the wind and the smells of nature. This particular time was right after my brother got back from college. I had a lot less time to myself, and just wanted to get away for a bit to relax and find some peace, and I was scared to leave when people were awake, so I went for the drive at around 11:30 pm after everybody had fallen asleep.

 

So I got in the car with my dog, drove to a gas station where I picked up a cold root beer and a bag of M&M's, then headed out into the countryside. I drove my usual route which doesn't actually head that far out of the city, but stops at the Middle School I went to growing up and has a nearby park where I occasionally take my dog for walks.

 

For the most part, the ride was great. The dog was in love with getting a ride, and wouldn't take his head out of the window. The trouble came as I was on my way back from the countryside and was going to stop at the school for some time to just be alone and think. Well, I must've started thinking before I got to the school, because as I was pulling into the school I saw a cop with his lights on behind me. So I pull over, he turns on his magnifying light and proceeds to head on over to my car where I'm casually sitting listening to 60's/70's classics, drinking root beer, and eating M&M's. He informs me that I was going 63 in a 45 mph and, after asking many other normal police officer questions, asks where I was headed so quickly and why.

 

This is where I make every mistake possible.

 

I wasn't aware I was doing anything wrong so I told him I was going to the school area to be alone... That was quite obviously the wrong thing to say, and the police officer instantly thought I was suicidal and felt he needed to take action. He radioed dispatch to tell them the situation and asks for a K9 unit because I have a dog in the car, and then he asked if I dealt with depression or the sort, and I told him that I did, but wasn't feeling like that. He then asked me for my parents number, and I gave him my mother's cell number which he then tried to call to contact her, but she was asleep and didn't answer because the number came up not as 911 or something police oriented, but as "caller unknown", which freaked her out.

 

 While he was questioning me and trying to call my mother, I was talking super casually with him, as I am rather interested in what cops do and how their lives work. I found out his age, where he went to school, what he majored in and minored in, whether he lives with family or alone, how long he works, how often he pulls people over, what kind of life saving training he had. I also told him things about myself like where I went to college, that I used to swim, what my brother and I study in college, etc. Just casual conversation about his life and job, all the while I'm cooing to my dog about how cute he is and eating M&M's and drinking root beer.

 

So to clarify the situation so far:

Cop pulls me over for going 20 over and then pulling into a middle school parking lot, finds out I'm acting suicidal and deal with depression but I'm talking in a super weird way that doesn't respect or fear him, and my parents won't respond.

 

But it gets worse

 

The K9 unit was just about to arrive and he asks me if I have anything illegal in the car. I have this idiosyncrasy when dealing with absolutes, so since I hadn't made a thorough search of the car beforehand I could not feel comfortable telling him no, even though there's a 99.999999% chance the car is clean.... so I said, "I don't know, I don't think so, probably not."So he asks if he searches the car what he "might" find. Well, since my brother is back and since he likes to hunt, I figured he might have left a gun in the trunk, which I of course felt compelled to tell the officer..

 

So now the officer thinks I'm depressed and suicidal at a middle school with a gun in my trunk at midnight and talking in a very strange and casual way.

 

The K9 officer finally arrives and they have me get out of the car whence the handcuff me. The first officer searches the car while the second officer moves my dog to the first officers squad car. The search, of course, returns empty handed. I remained sitting on the curb until their superior arrives. They tell him what's going on and then he leaves. Finally my mother calls dispatch back and she gets in contact with the officer where she explains that I often take my dog for a walk there, and that she isn't at all worried about me being suicidal or the such.

 

So they un-handcuff me and have me move my dog back to my car (he didn't like the second officer that much) and I ended up getting off with only a warning.

 

I got back home at around 12:30 to my mother sitting on the couch with a very displeased and worried look on her face.

--

 

 

 

annddd.. sorry about formatting, I don't know how to do that kind of thing.

 

 

 

 

 

 

[Alex]

Well, I'm glad that you managed to make it out of that situation safely and with understanding. It's unfortunate how everything just lined up perfectly for that, but kinda funny in a way.