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Puns


Bafted

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This is just a thread of puns and jokes that I can list off the top of my head. Bone Apple Teeth!

 

Why don't couples go to the gym? Because some relationships don't work out.

 

5/6 people would play Russian Roulette again.

 

Apparently taking a day off while working in a calendar company is something you should not do.

 

Why do robbers shower before committing a crime? So they can have a clean get-away.

 

If you are climbing a mountain, you aren't swimming.

 

What do you call a flooding in League? A TsuNami.

 

Two fishes were in a tank, one said I don't know how to drive this thing.

 

Wanna hear a construction joke? Sorry, I'm still working on it.

 

Where did Noah keep the bees? In the Arkhives.

 

Pick-up lines:

 

Do you believe in love at first sight or should I walk by again?

 

You should sell hot dogs, because you really know how to make a weiner stand.

 

Are you an overdue library book because you have fine written all over you.

 

Random Quotes:

 

Person 1: Santa Braum is ******* hot dude

Person 2: You could grind knives on those abs

Person 1: Braum is one fine piece of ***

Person 1: His pecs are bigger than my future

 

So I went to the bathroom at Chili's and it was super cold in there from air conditioning. I was by myself and I said "Wow...its really cold in here...one could say its even..chili.." that's when I realized why I'm single. I make puns to myself in random empty bathrooms.

 

Holiday Parenting Tip: Place fake presents under your tree with your childs name on it. Everytime they misbehave, throw one into the fireplace. They'll straighten up. You're welcome.

 

Dear Santa: Why do all my toys say Made in China? I guess even you can't abstain from the allure of cheap labor. Oink oink you capitalist pig.

 

If a toy from Toy Story died, the kids wouldn't know. So all the other toys would watch kids play with their corpses.

 

A guy walks into a bar and sees 3 pieces of meat hanging from the ceiling. The guy asks "Whats this about?" The bartender replies, "Well, if you can jump and slap the meat, you get free drinks for the rest of the night. If you miss, you pay for everyone's drinks for the next hour. You wanna do it?" The guy replied, "Nah, I'm good. The steaks are too high."

 

Edited by Bafted
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